CF member as a single parent-on course, deployed ect... [MERGED]

[aesop081]

like make appointments on weekends and evenings.  It really is that simple.

Yup, it is that simple. Did the single parent thing before and doing it again next school year. Sometimes, you get time off, some days you have to take annual leave and sometimes you do what you have to do on evenings and weekends.

 

[scoutfinch]

I think the general rule is that we work when we are expected to work.  How about you explain to me why you should be able to take time off work to take your kids to appointments?

This really isn't about the FCP, despite it being raised as an issue with you.  I think the point that was being raised with you was that you need to engage a caregiver to take your kids to appointments.  Bottom line -- whether you use the same person listed on your FCP or not -- you are expected to work during work hours and you are expected to have made child care arrangements for those times.  I suspect that is the message that was being conveyed to you; however, you seem to think that you are entitled to take the time off because you are a single parent.  Well, you aren't.  No more than someone who has a stay at home spouse or a working spouse.  It's pretty straight forward and I don't know why you can't see that.

So, you really have two choices:  find someone to take your kids to appointments and/or schedule appointments on weekends and evenings.  Otherwise, take a day of leave.

P

 

[Springroll]

I still don't think you understand my question. As I posted yesterday, here is an exert from it:

Recently in my section, my CoC said they were having some concerns that I was not utilizing my FCP as much as I should be in regards to my kids appts.
According to the CANFORGEN and the DAOD, the FCP is to be used when a member has a forecasted or unscheduled absence from the home, not for taking kids to dentist appts and such.

Am I incorrect in this thinking?

Then I went on to give an example of the appts....how is that to be interpreted as me feeling "entitled"? I do not feel entitled to getting the time off, but it's not like I am asking for time to go out and do my banking, pay bills or go for coffee(as some of them have done).

I asked a question, gave the reason why I was asking the question, and requested clarification by those with more experience then I when it comes to the FCP being used.

You take it however you want to, but I think you are reading way to much into my post.

Cheers!

 

[MJP]

I think the general rule is that we work when we are expected to work.  How about you explain to me why you should be able to take time off work to take your kids to appointments?

I don't know maybe we've been treated differently for my entire time here in 1VP but I've never had an issue, given a soldier crap, or seen a soldier get so much as a raised eyebrow for asking for time off to take kids/wives various appts.  Maybe we just have leadership that realizes that the CF is no longer a employer of choice and giving a little bit of latitude to soldiers to allow them to retain a solid QOL leads to better retention overall. 

You can all explain to me till your blue in the face about the "needs of the service", but quite frankly is the service better served by enforcing Draconian measures that ensures that LS Springroll is at work everyday from 8am-4pm.  Or do we give some latitude and allow our soldiers to makes reasonable appts to ensure that they and their kids have a solid QOL that leads to actually retaining people instead of the bleeding off of people we are currently experiencing across the board?  The eighties are over, the Russians are no longer threatening the Fulda Gap and we the CF is not an employer of choice we are quite simply a job to many people.  If we don't treat our people right they will quite simply get a new job.

Springroll in my opinion your unit is being rather silly asking you to invoke your FCP everytime you need to take your kids to an Appt.  FCP are for unforecasted or unscheduled absences.  I've used mine a few times in that manner for various last minutes tasks/IRU callouts.  I've never been asked to utilize my FCP to take my kids to the dentist. 

 

[Sub_Guy]

I think the general rule is that we work when we are expected to work.  How about you explain to me why you should be able to take time off work to take your kids to appointments?

This really isn't about the FCP, despite it being raised as an issue with you.  I think the point that was being raised with you was that you need to engage a caregiver to take your kids to appointments.  Bottom line -- whether you use the same person listed on your FCP or not -- you are expected to work during work hours and you are expected to have made child care arrangements for those times.  I suspect that is the message that was being conveyed to you; however, you seem to think that you are entitled to take the time off because you are a single parent.  Well, you aren't.  No more than someone who has a stay at home spouse or a working spouse.  It's pretty straight forward and I don't know why you can't see that.

So, you really have two choices:  find someone to take your kids to appointments and/or schedule appointments on weekends and evenings.  Otherwise, take a day of leave.

P

Sounds like a great morale booster, working 8-4, no one gets off early, not ever!  No one ever leaves early on a Friday for some "drinks", no one gets off early for hockey, golf, or any other sport.

I have never had an issue, and as it was mentioned earlier sometimes you are permitted to take time off, sometimes you have to take leave.  From my personal experiences I have found that sometimes I work late, sometimes I volunteer for the "less than desirable" job, and sometimes my department lets me leave early to take care of my personal admin.  You can't expect time off all the time, and if personal appointments are made later in the day its a little easier to get out, you can't make an appointment for 1130 and expect to be gone for the entire day.

That being said, it doesn't take long for people to see if you are abusing the time off factor, I mean if you are taking time off everyday, and your excuses include "Ultrasound for my budgie", "Goldfish X-rays" then you might want to cut back on the demands.

The FCP is NOT for appointments, and if your supervisor took the time to read the CANFORGEN they would see that.

 

[Springroll]

Thank you for the clarification, MJP and Dolphin_Hunter.

 

[Springroll]

So, this week I had the opportunity(if you can call it that) to "test" my FCP.
I am now working at MARPAC on FA(P)(normal base job til mid-july, thank goodness), and received word on Wednesday that I may be sailing for July and part of August. Got on the phone and notified my mom and sister(they are my FCP) and gave them a heads up that I could be leaving as early as Saturday or Sunday. They tightened up their boot straps and got stuff organized between the two of them. It worked wonderfully!

Unfortunately, found out this morning, that due to lack of female bunks, I will not be heading to Hawaii to join this other ship, but it was definitely a good test to see how quickly my FCP can get organized.

Now if only the CF would move that fast! LOL....

 

[The.Navigator]

It was recommended that I start a new topic when I tried to post @ http://forums.milnet.ca/forums/threads/59519.0.html  as there had been no posts in over 100 days.

I just wanted to thank those who posted about single parenting at the above link.
I am very seriously considering joining the reserve forces, and wanted to know how other singles handled things.
I would definitely appreciate any more insights you could give into some of the issues you've come across with reserve as well as regular force and any great things you have to say as well about your experiences.
I'm specifically interested in joining in Toronto...so again, any info about the units there would be appreciated.

Thank you in advance.
Carla

 

[Command-Sense-Act 105]

Here are the Army units in Toronto, all part of 32 Canadian Brigade Group.  Most have their own websites.

If you are thinking Navy, HMCS YORK is available.

Not sure about Air Reserve positions in Toronto, but just up the road near Barrie, at CFB Borden, 400 Tactical Helicopter Squadron may be to your liking.

As always, Canadian Forces Recruiting can answer nearly all questions online, in person or by telephone.

Best of luck in your search.

The Army.ca Staff

 

[The.Navigator]

Thanks. I appreciate the links.
I'm actually a civilian member of the 25 (Toronto) Battalion with their Pipes & Drums and I'm sure that's where I would choose to enlist should I submit an application. I know quite a few of the soldiers there.

 

[missmague]

Hi all,

I am not sure if this is the best place for advice on my situation, but I have tried searching (separated, access, etc.) things that deal with my situation and haven't gotten anything. So here it is...

I am divorced and my three children live with my ex-husband. I have access every other weekend as well as half of christmas break, all of march break and part of the summer break. I am applying for the regular forces - air force as an image tech or as a second option as a steward which is navy. Now obviously being posted away from my children would make the every other weekend access impossible, but I am pretty confident that I could win in a court that my access be changed to having them march break, over their christmas break (at least half as I have now) and the majority of their summer holidays (in lieu of every other weekend). Now my question is if this is fesible with either position. I understand that I would be away in some instances when I would have the children residing with me whether it is just working where I am posted or being away on a ship, etc. Is there help available as I would most likely be posted away from family and therefore not have that support system to take care of the children while I am away. Of course if I am just working where I am posted its just a matter of finding a suitable babysitter which I am fine with. It is more of a concern if say I have them in the summer and am gone for part of it. My ex-husband is not a flexible person so I know that something would have to be written out when I have them, etc. and then he would class any changes as "my problem" - I would still have to take them or not see them at all kind of thing. It is a difficult situation, but I know that you can make anything work if you put your mind to it. I know that I can make this work, just wanted advice on what is available so I can look at the options.

Thanks in advance everyone.

 

[Springroll]

missmague, welcome!

You have quite a few questions which, too be honest, nobody can really answer but yourself.
I can tell you from my experience that these last few years have been absolutely insane for me as a single parent.
Only thing saving my sanity(and my butt) is my mother, my sister and boyfriend.
They watch my children when I got to sea and that allows me to focus on the task at hand.
Now, when it comes to resources, the MFRC is your place to start. They will point you in the right direction.
When you do join, you will have to fill out a family care plan(FCP).
It basically lets your bosses know you have arrangements for the care of your children should you have to unexpectedly be deployed somewhere.

As for when you should have your kids, or when is the best time, that is your choice.
None of us will have to live with the outcome, so only you can really decide anything like that.

Good Luck.
Single Parenthood can be done with you being in the CF...

 

[aesop081]

Hi all,

Welcome

Now my question is if this is fesible with either position.

It certainly is possible. How you make it work is entirely up to you. When my kids both lived with their mother, i was posted to the oposite end of the country. Obviously weekends were out but for longer periods like summer hollidays and x-mas, either myself or the kids travelled so we could be together.

I understand that I would be away in some instances when I would have the children residing with me whether it is just working where I am posted or being away on a ship, etc.

Sometimes my kids were here to visit me for the summer and i still had to work. I'm lucky enough that they can stay home by themselves for a few hours while i was at work. Days where i was flying were different because i had to make sure they knew what to do in case i had to land somewhere and couldnt make it home that night. For longer terms abscences, you WILL NEED to have a plan in place if your children are with you at that time. When i deploy or go away on courses, freinds take care of the one daughter that lives with me or her grandparents come to my place if they are available. They dont live close but thankfully, they love coming here to help me out. Next year my second daugher comes to live with me and i will very much need the help.

Is there help available as I would most likely be posted away from family and therefore not have that support system to take care of the children while I am away.

As was stated, each base has a military family center. They help and provide some services but that will only go so far. Your kids are YOUR responsabilty and not the CFs. I strongly suggest that when you get posted to a base, that you rapidly develop the needed support system.

It is more of a concern if say I have them in the summer and am gone for part of it.

That is a very real possibility and that is something you must prepare for. See my comments above.

just wanted advice on what is available so I can look at the options.

There is some help through the MFRC but in the end, how you deal with this situation is 100% up to you. I cant stress enough the fact that you need to build that support network at any base you may find yourself posted to. Over the years i have seen the CF make great strides in how it deals with families but in the end ( like i said before) this is YOUR resposability.

 

[missmague]

Thank you Springroll and Aviator for your quick responses.

I agree with Aviator that my children are my responsibility. I do not expect anyone else to take that responsibility especially the CF. I was simply wondering how it is done - how others have done it, etc. as of course I do not know from personal experience. I know there are ways to work anything out. So I will take your advice and find that support system asap once I know where I will be posted. If I am either in Ontario or B.C. I do have family available if necessary to help out. And if all else fails they would simply stay with their father and step-mother if I am not able to be there. I just am the type of person that likes to know the what ifs before I take the steps. As a parent is not wise to go in blind lol as I am sure you all know from experience.

 

[aesop081]

If I am either in Ontario or B.C. I do have family available if necessary to help out.

Thats always a good start. Make sure you think about things like that when you are asked for your posting preferences. You may not get them but it never hurts to ask.

I just am the type of person that likes to know the what ifs before I take the steps.

I understand the feeling. That being said, you can "what if" yourself to death. You cant think of everything and sometimes you just have to jump in and see how things work out. Before my one daughter moved in with me i made alot of arangements for every scenario i could think of. Trust me it didnt take long for me to find myself in one that i hadn't thought of. Thankfuly i always have my cell phone with me, have everyone's phone numbers and was able to think pretty quick that day.

 

[BlueJingo]

Hello,

Since I am in the reserves (QL3 qualified RMS) I am considering all my options to go Reg F when I am done my Mata Leave (BTW thank you for the responses to that post) and now I am just thinking about how I can manage living in the Reg F. I know that i have no idea where I would be posted and i just really want to know how other single parents cope living on base.

Some questions that cross my mind: ???
Are there child care options avail on/near bases? (some bases are more remote than others)
Would I be able to qualify for the waiting list for PMQ's being single with a dependant?
How would MFRC be able to assit me...is there a website/contact #?

For any single parents responding if you have any experiences you wish to share that would be appreciated! 

Thank you

 

[aesop081]

Are there child care options avail on/near bases? (some bases are more remote than others)

Yes. Some MFRCs offer childcare programs and most areas have either in-home caregivers or dediicated centers. Just remember that shiftwork, exercises and deployments are things that make standard childcare impractical so think ahead. remember that childcare is YOUR problem, not the CF's.

Would I be able to qualify for the waiting list for PMQ's being single with a dependant?

Yes.

For any single parents responding if you have any experiences you wish to share that would be appreciated! 

I'm a single father with 2 kids. I'm gone away often and usualy on short notice with unreliable return dates. Find yourself some very flexible arrangements and dont count on the MFRCs to do anything for you. Arrange everything yourself and plan for everything.

 

[BlueJingo]

Thank you for your post. Wow, a single Father of 2...  you do have a lot of experience!

I do understand that Childcare would be my responsibility (a little obvious as I am by myself lol ) ... that's why i'm trying to make an informed decision of whether or not it is the appropriate time to make the switch.

"

Be prepared

". That's probably the best advice  :nod:

Cheers!  :camo:

 

[Springroll]

So, since this topic is already here, I decided to add some more experiences that I have encountered since my last post about 2 years ago. My kids are now 16, 13 and 10.

I spent the last 3 years on ship, with there being quite a bit of sailing, both long and short trips. I was due to be deployed in 2008, but my boss felt that he would rather me be with my children then on the trip. I understood and was attach posted to another ship. During the last 3 years, I have spent 347 days at sea, which I had no clue about until the new Sea Service Insignia was due to come out. The issues i have found as of late have been more with my children than with my career. They began to act out more, became very disrespectful towards myself, urinating the bed (my youngest) and a multitude of other issues. After consulting with the ship's PA, I made an appt with the base social worker. My bosses were quite understanding through most of it, but with that said, they can sometimes have a very hard time understanding the struggles of not having a partner to help you out. Regardless, the children and I went to see the social worker at which time she suggested I go on a Compassionate Status....something I was not wanting to do. With additional assistance from my ship's PA(he is absolutely awesome!!), I began to draft up memo's and such to go on compassionate status, because at the end of the day, my kids are my absolute priority and I am all they have(my ex has chosen to not be in the picture). I never submitted the memo's, but 2 weeks later I found out I was posted ashore.

Since the start of my posting a month ago, the change in my kids has been a complete 360. No more disrespect(other than usual teen issues), no more urinating the bed, everything has turned around. The struggles can be overwhelming at times, but with the support of your bosses, and even your ships PA, there are alot of options open, you just need to trust in them and ask for the help. Don't be to proud. 

 

[PMedMoe]

Just curious:  Have you ever thought about remustering to another trade so that you don't have to go to sea?  That would also get you away from requiring/requesting the compassionate posting status.  IIRC, you can only have compassionate status for two years and only once (for the same reason) in your career.  Unless things have changed.......