Girlfriends

[paracowboy]

I have much the same problem although I did not know I had it until after we where married.   She hates the army I almost have to hide all my kit so she don't toss it or something....She even freaks out when she sees me on here.  There have been a few fights when she is screaming about something and threatening to leave and I don't even here her I am too busy picturing the first thing I would do when she walked out the door...Go to my Units Orderly room and sign up for A'Stan...But she always stays...(Not sure if that's a good thing or not ha ha)

whacko. Ditch her. Now. Never mind the Army connection, that's a lunatic.

 

[BernDawg]

Lots of good responses on here.

I've had more than a few relationships fall apart on the basis of my job. It's no big deal. The first one hurts, but after that, you start to see a pattern, and can pretty easily pick up on who has potential for a second interview and who should be kicked to the curb.

The important thing to remember is that if you take on a girlfriend, if you let her make decisions for you when you are young, you are not in a relationship, you are a subordinate. Women try to control you through the witholding of certain things/activities, manipulating your moods and trying to separate you from your life (friends etc.) before them. These "bad" women resent the military because it represents a whole world that they have no knowledge of, no control over, and it scares them.

You need a woman (not a girl) who has her own life (job, friends, car, family etc.), then you can look at having your lives co-exist. Her life is not yours, and vice versa.

If this one is showing her true, manipulative colors now, imagine what she'll be like in 10-15 years.

There's plenty of females out there. Make sure you play the field enough when you are young, so when you do get married, there will be no "I wish I had..."

Amen Brother!!  The dreaded Wifus Horribilus Canadensis.  Can still be seen prowling it's native habitat, the various "Q" patches, all across this great dominion of ours.  I've even had the great mis-fortune of "denning" with one for a few seasons in the mid 80's.  I found it a fascinating study in self destruction.

 

[ladybugmabj]

I've read all these messages,shook my head an giggled!  I'm a wife, but not one of those "oh my god, honey, I cant' stand the job you're in, it's too dangerous, blah blah, wah wah, get out and find a "real" job. Let's see......I have a house, car, food on my table, jewellery(had to put that one in there!!) from overseas tours, and more importantly, I have the respect and committment from my husband. I met him in London when I was in college, and then he moved to Petawawa. I moved to toronto for 2 years for my career, which ended when my contract was not renewed. I then moved here and have not regretted it. I have said "goodbye" to him for 7 tours now, and he's on his 8th. THIS IS HIS JOB!!  Yes, he can retire in 2 years with full pension, but he has signed for another 8yrs. I have been told I must be the most trusting, patient wife around. Maybe I am. Like others have said...it's trust, respect and yes, love. Am I scared to death with this tour, yes, of course I am. (3rd Afghanitan tour since 03'). I am terrified that the car that comes in my driveway is the padre...yes. But, this is his job and I respect that. I would probably have been divorced years ago if he had a 9 - 5 job. Any girlfriend/wife that bitches and complains about the job you do, doesn't respect WHO you are as a person. Do you bitch about her job?? Do you tell her not to do that....okay, some do....
Zipperhead...I hate Precious Moments!!

Pro Patria

 

[Franko]

I went through a similar situation....except mine used to see Satan on a regular basis near the end. Needless to say that was the clincher.

She cost me all my friends at one point...and almost my career prior to the end. I got wise and gave her the boot and haven't looked back.

Call it youthful stupidity.    :

I met my wife 2 years later...and I'm having the time of my life right now, even after nearly 12 years of incarceration...er...marrage.

If she can't or won't accept what you want to do...then you're not in a relationship. It's a 50 / 50 thing, give and take on both sides.

A good relationship is if you win...then she does as well, and visa versa.

Hate to say it but she's controlling you. Dump her right now.....plenty of fish in the sea.

My $0.02 worth.

Regards

 

[bonitabelle]

I'm a female that had the same sort of problem.  When I joined up, my boyfriend was supportive because he didn't think that I was going to go through with it. When I left for BMQ, he was there for the phone calls and telling me I could do it.  When I didn't have the time or inclination to call him every night, he started resenting the military and told me they were brainwashing me.  He would call me at all hours drunk and everything.  When I broke up with him, it was the best feeling that I could have.  I was doing what I wanted for me and that's all that mattered to me in the end.

 

[Brixxie]

I left the military for a woman once...   I'll never do that again!  It was probably one of the worst career mistakes I have ever made!  Three years later I started to try to get back in, and it took another two years to get back in! (But that's another story)

Yep that happened to my husband...his ex wife couldnt handle it, he quite.  and when the peices fell apart I had to help him through those two years to get back in...left a good paying Infantry job to attempt the civy world, he was a broken man . but he did it and now he has his career behind him again 6 years later. I suggest choose a lady who "LOVES" the uniform .

 

[Hunter]

As an SME on unsuccessful relationships, my suggestion would be to start planning you exit strategy - not from the military, but from the relationship.  I think most people on this board would agree that being in the military is a big part of who they are, and not just something they do.  And in a good relationship each partner brings out the best in the other, not scoop out big chunks of each other's soul and chuck it down the crapper.

Some questions to ask yourself...

Would you REALLY quit the military for this girl? 
What if you decided to go to university out-of-province - Would she have a problem with that too? 
What if you marry this girl and suddenly she's resenting the time you take away from her for your regular Thursday night hockey game or your annual cottage weekend with the lads, would you stop that too?

(Most) chicks dig the uniform, so why waste energy on one that resents it?

Finally, I would like to quote a John Cougar song: "Oh yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone"  - The point is, you're too young to be closing such doors for the sake of a girlfriend. 

I don't have the answers, but as you can see the advice on this board, from both sexes, is pretty consistent.  Good luck Irish.

a_real_phil

- edited for poor grammar/spelling and rambling

 

[therev]

As an SME on unsuccessful relationships, my suggestion would be to start planning you exit strategy - not from the military, but from the relationship.  I think most people on this board would agree that being in the military is a big part of who they are, and not just something they do.  And in a good relationship each partner brings out the best in the other, not scoop out big chunks of each other's soul and chuck it down the crapper.

Well said and very true. Takes a long time to get that soul pieced back together.  As one who has been engaged twice, and does marriage counselling almost daily - you want someone who brings out the best in you and shows you depths of yourself you never knew you had.  And those who mentioned the control issues, pay attention to them.  There is a lot of growing up to do between the age of 17 & 25.  Have fun, date many people ( no don't be a man whore) but get a broad (pun) perspective of the different women that you are compatible with and could possibly build a life with.

L

 

[GAP]

don't be a man whore

Well why not!! It's that wild seed thingy!!  ;D

 

[aluc]

Over the years I  have been told that a great relationship is built on compromise. In this day and age, being 17 and having a serious relationship is a little discomforting, trust me , I dated a girl from the age of 18 to 23. This one one of the worst decisions I ever made, the best years of my youth were squandered over some girl I thought I was going to marry when I got older. Ah...puppy love!. (thank God I did not)  The girl I am with now did not like the idea of my joining up....but I made her come around. She loves it now. (maybe it is the uniform) That is all I have to say....  CRACK....CRACK....  oh gotta go my girlfriend is cracking the whip!

 

[Rhibwolf]

This is a great thread, and Ive enjoyed reading it from start to finish.  My missus (15 yrs) hates the military. She hated it when I met her, hated it when we married, and still does.  I noticed that many of the replies make ref to the deployment aspect of being in the CF - particularly A'Stan.  Yes, it is frightful for a spouse to wait at home and hope the padre doesnt come a knockin, but I think that there are other aspects that are equally important for our young thread starter to look at. I think paracowboy first made ref to the control aspect.  We as members of the CF simply do not have any great deal of control over our lives, and our spouses have even less. How many of us have been posted, sent away on course, sent on tour, sent to sea, etc, and dreaded telling your Sig Other.  Eventually you run out of chances to say, "guess what the bast***s are doing to me now" and everyone needs to own up to the fact that this is how life as a CF Sig Other is.  Eventually you might even have to confess that you volunteered for that 4 wk course or that 6 month deployment - cant always blame it on the boss.  
If you are not going to wait (i.e. not doing the wild oats thing) then your current GF absolutely must understand/accept/and even condone the fact that she will never have any real say in what you do or what happens to her.  This can be problematic, as not everyone is willing to play the role of "whipping boy" by proxy.  
Ultimately, if she is compatable, she will make do - if not, dont set yourself up for failure - as was said before, your gut should tell you.....

 

[Black Watch]

Oddly, my gf is not a big fan of our military, but supports me in my career...I guess I just lucky to pick her.

 

[ladybugmabj]

I guess being with my hubby for 16yrs, 12 of them married...I've grown accustomed to him going here, there and everywhere.  If he's home more than say, 4 mths, it's like " don't you have an ex or something??"  It's definitely a different life, so bringing a girlfriend into it who doesn't like what you do and will continually harp on what you do will be hard. It must be hard for the wife who hates it, but hey....not everyone can be complacent and accepting of what the spouse does for a living.  :-*

 

[armyrules]

Well my situation is not my girlfiend having an issue with my chosen profession its my mother. My girlfriend supports me 110% she knows what its like because her dad is a Sig Op in the CF. naw its just my mom not to happy but she'll see the light someday. If any girlfriend doesn't understand why you are doing what you are doing or thinks its stupid of you just sit her down and explain that this is what you want to do and it shouldn't matter who thinks differently because they won't be there training  with you. I'm sure tht if you explain in a calm orderly fashion she would understand.

Good Luck.

 

[Kal]

I'm sure tht if you explain in a calm orderly fashion she would understand.

How many girlfriends have you had...? 

Calm? Orderly?  :rofl: 

If you want her to understand, jump up and down, wave your arms around and make a few high pitched squeals....  She'll understand perfectly.  ;D

 

[military granny]

Armyrules and others

I am the mom of a boy that just got home from the sandbox. First things first .. Do I support him and his career choice..110%. I feel this is his life to live and if this is what he wants to do then my job is to be the one standing behind him saying Son you are my hero. He is a grown man and every parent should stand behind their children in the career choice they make. Now has he had problems with girls not understanding this choice ..yes . I understand that not everyone is going to agree that the military life is for them, but should they be bullied into quiting because their partner is scared, doesn't like the color green or whatever other nonsense they tell you. NO. Men of the military who are married will tell you it takes a darn strong woman to be a military wife just as we women will say it takes a strong man to be left at home trying to keep things going while their wife is there.

 

[Booked_Spice]

I guess I want to put my 2 cents in as a wife of a soldier returning from the sand box in less then 27 hours... ( can you tell I am excited)

As military Granny pointed out it takes a very strong individual to be married or associated with the Canadian Forces. I am 30 Years old and have been with my hubby for almost 3 years.  This life is not for everyone and it takes some special individuals who can deal with this kind of environment. This tour has taught me allot about myself and about our Family. It has taken its toll on the family but we are stronger because of it.  I would never stand in my husbands way of his job. I knew what I was getting into when I decided to be with him. I support him 110 percent.

But my advice to you, is you are 17. If the military is the path you want to take then do it. Because as everyone has said relationships come and go. But having the opportunity to serve your country, is the best experience you will ever have. Being apart of the military is like having a 2nd family. There will be plenty of opportunities for relationships but how many opportunities will you have to stand on guard for your nation.

All the best to you in your upcoming journey...

 

[zipperhead_cop]

Zipperhead...I hate Precious Moments!!

But clearly from your posts, you are a switched on upper-percentile type woman.   

So 241, have you figured it out yet?  You have the benefit of probably two centuries of accumulated relationship advice in these posts (even longer when you count it in "what if felt like" years).  Time to make a decision and live with it. 

Feel free to CLICK HERE when the time is right. 

 

[jmnavy]

Whoever you end up with have to understand that she is second to the CF in your life.  You can try looking for balances or making compromises, but at the end of the day the CF isn't something you can do unless you make it #1.  But look around.  For all the failed relationships that are described here, you don't see anyone questioning their decision to serve their country.  It's just that good!

 

[1Good_Woman]

This is a great thread.. 241, things have a way of working themselves out. I, for one, was never a supporter of the military until I met someone who changed that! My bf has been in the sandbox since Feb and as much as I disliked everything about the CF, I now have a whole new perspective, not to mention HUGE appreciation for what he and his brothers-in-arms do for US on a daily basis. I didn't know what he WAS when we first met, but I have come full circle and now fully support him in all that he does - don't get me wrong, it was tough to accept that I would never come first but I love him, he is the man that he is and he needs to do this, so who am I to stand in his way. Far better to stand alongside him and support him all the way through than not at all!  Being with a soldier has certainly changed my life and, as much as I never imagined myself with someone in the CF, I've never been happier and anxious for December to roll around so he can finally come home! Point here is, enjoy your life, don't worry about women; all these things will happen when the time is right - for now, focus on the goal at hand!