Girlfriends
- Thread starter FightingIrish
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Anyone have any ideas on how the other can make things better for the one staying at home? What can I do to help this relationship blossom when I am away? Sending letters... that sort of stuff.
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The big thing i have seen with others and dealt with myself, is NOT being told we have it easy, that we dont do anything, and understand we have bad days too. Sure, NOTHING is as bad as the sandbox, and we dont want 'you' to forget what your dealing with 'cuz were more important'. We just want to know you care. Empathize. Sure you may not be able to absorb what we go on about, but its a good time to 'nod your head and smile'. I think most spouses forget that we are here in knots....afraid when the phone rings afraid when there is a knock at the door. Even when our other halves are just on tasking or Basic. Keep 'connected' with letters an emails. If you dont have time to sit and write a full letter, keep like a little journal and jot down thoughts and things and mail the pages home once a week or two. We think the worst when little is said, and the distance seems more then just geographic. And i hope its okay to say the following, but 'dirty' notes let us know that we are still thought of romantically.
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I must be another one that likes Petawawa...although there are days that if hubby came home and told me he was posted, I'd be like.."let's go...", than there are other days when..."no, you go alone, I'll stay here with the boys, house, dog, and work." It's what you make of it here! It's a great place for families! Petawawa had to grow on me 13 years ago, but I also came from Toronto! :-*
As for keeping in contact, yes, do it. DH is away, and I write a little note every night, and then at the end of the week, I'll mail it off. He may get it next week, or in 3 weeks. By then I've probably spoken to him. Who cares...he's gotten to read what I was thinking at that moment...maybe "dirty", maybe ticked off that he's over there and I'm dealing with 2 boys, a dog, cat and crabby people. The military is what you make of it, and if you have a supportive spouse at home, it makes it much easier!
:-* :-* :
As for keeping in contact, yes, do it. DH is away, and I write a little note every night, and then at the end of the week, I'll mail it off. He may get it next week, or in 3 weeks. By then I've probably spoken to him. Who cares...he's gotten to read what I was thinking at that moment...maybe "dirty", maybe ticked off that he's over there and I'm dealing with 2 boys, a dog, cat and crabby people. The military is what you make of it, and if you have a supportive spouse at home, it makes it much easier!
:-* :-* :
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Strategic said:
The Ladies i met up there when i visited were Fabulous. I like being away from everything, and there are lots of great things for kids like Black Bear Beach, the campground ect. I dont want to raise my kids in the city, and Borden is starting to live up to its nickname of Bordom. People are not all that friendly here; sure we nod and wave in passing, but as some have said..no one is here long enough to want to make friends. I also love that Pet has a canex grocery store...thats cool.
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armywife/cadetmom said:
We loved Pet when we were there (90-93). As you say any place is what you make it. Since then we've been to Goose Bay, Esquimalt, Gagetown and now Halifax. Loved em all...some day we'll throw out our anchor and reminisce about all the great places we lived....together! ;D
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Jesso, here are my thoughts concerning your situation.
The facts are that you are 19, have been together with this guy 6 months, and you don't trust him 100% because he betrayed your trust. The odds are not in favour of this relationship. But lets give you two another chance, since he's such a "good man".
Since you obviously don't have time to really sort this relationship out in the next 3 days or so, I'd say just leave it as it is, and let the chips fall where they may. The only solution is to try and have a long distance relationship. As it has been said before by someone, some relationships make it and some don't. Communication with be absolutely vital. Try and keep in touch as much as possible, letters, email, instant message, phone calls. Just try to let him know that you still exist and just tell him how you're doing, how your days are spent, thoughts, concerns... just put it on paper (or email if you have access to it). The more the better.
But then of course it also matters how much he communicates back to you. If he stops writing, or writes you once a month then it may just mean that he doesn't want to put the effort in to keep the relationship going. If that happens, then just let it go and move on with your life. I mean come on, you are going into the military, have you noticed how many guys are in the Navy? The odds are totally in your favour.
I personally have been in a long distance relationship for the past 2.5 years. We keep it going because we both want to be in it, because we care about each other so much and we trust each other completely. That is why I said that if you don't trust him 100% then I don't know how you two are going to make it. But just give it a try, and see if you can survive the 4 years of long distance. And if you can't, then at least you know that you gave it your best shot and that it just did not work out.
I wish you good luck and all the best.
The facts are that you are 19, have been together with this guy 6 months, and you don't trust him 100% because he betrayed your trust. The odds are not in favour of this relationship. But lets give you two another chance, since he's such a "good man".
Since you obviously don't have time to really sort this relationship out in the next 3 days or so, I'd say just leave it as it is, and let the chips fall where they may. The only solution is to try and have a long distance relationship. As it has been said before by someone, some relationships make it and some don't. Communication with be absolutely vital. Try and keep in touch as much as possible, letters, email, instant message, phone calls. Just try to let him know that you still exist
and just tell him how you're doing, how your days are spent, thoughts, concerns... just put it on paper (or email if you have access to it). The more the better. But then of course it also matters how much he communicates back to you. If he stops writing, or writes you once a month then it may just mean that he doesn't want to put the effort in to keep the relationship going. If that happens, then just let it go and move on with your life. I mean come on, you are going into the military, have you noticed how many guys are in the Navy?
The odds are totally in your favour. I personally have been in a long distance relationship for the past 2.5 years. We keep it going because we both want to be in it, because we care about each other so much and we trust each other completely. That is why I said that if you don't trust him 100% then I don't know how you two are going to make it. But just give it a try, and see if you can survive the 4 years of long distance. And if you can't, then at least you know that you gave it your best shot and that it just did not work out.
I wish you good luck and all the best.
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Well said Hopeful O.G.
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This thread has some hilarious posts!
Here's my experience on the topic:
EVERY instance I can think of where the man gave in to A 'Precious Moments Harpy' and quit the army (usually very early in his career), he cleared out, turned in his kit, went home to Domestic Bliss ... and got his *** dumped!
Why? Because deep down women HATE weak men. It's a reflex, despite all that gooey stuff they wrote on the Hallmark Card they bought you. Don't be angry, they can't help but hate spineless mates. It's their duty to the human race.
(The fine line is knowing when you are standing up for yourself, and when you are just being a stubborn knob.)
So with control freaks, if you DON'T do what they say, they hate you. If you DO do what they say, they hate you even more! That's why control freaks will make you lonely and insane.
I vote break it off and move on ... in the meantime avoid Air Supply music and those large-eyed stuffed animals she bought you.
Get out with your cool friends soonest.
Get out on a quick, fun date if you can (with someone else). Amazing what a cure that is. Hell, even a phone number from a hottie will get your mind working in the right direction.
Here's my experience on the topic:
EVERY instance I can think of where the man gave in to A 'Precious Moments Harpy' and quit the army (usually very early in his career), he cleared out, turned in his kit, went home to Domestic Bliss ... and got his *** dumped!
Why? Because deep down women HATE weak men. It's a reflex, despite all that gooey stuff they wrote on the Hallmark Card they bought you. Don't be angry, they can't help but hate spineless mates. It's their duty to the human race.
(The fine line is knowing when you are standing up for yourself, and when you are just being a stubborn knob.)
So with control freaks, if you DON'T do what they say, they hate you. If you DO do what they say, they hate you even more! That's why control freaks will make you lonely and insane.
I vote break it off and move on ... in the meantime avoid Air Supply music and those large-eyed stuffed animals she bought you.
Get out with your cool friends soonest.
Get out on a quick, fun date if you can (with someone else). Amazing what a cure that is. Hell, even a phone number from a hottie will get your mind working in the right direction.
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Alrighty , where to begin.
Hopefull OG - Thank you for the advice. I must say however from the last few days in deep thought of how exactly I can resolve this situation it really just took care of itself , somewhat. I also don't want to as I mentioned make him seem to be some sort of Monster. He really is a good man and anyone who knows him would definetley say the same. If anything.. it's me. I have had some pretty crappy Boyfriends in my day and have learned some valuable lessons. Some of those lessons made my heart grow cold , like alot of these other Soldiers on here. Theres only so many time you can have your heart destroyed.. or even the same routine of getting into one and some reason having a fall out.. it get's old and emotionally you dont want to take anymore. So finally when you DO meet the right person you tend to fear the worse. In my case thats exaclty what I did. Without giving chance my mind and heart went to its default. Its so unfortunate that some people cant learn to trust in others. Whats life without it really. I became so scared of the thought of loosing my Boyfriend because I figured why in the world would anyone want to take the time ane effort to put into me when im leaving for SO long. And my Boyfriend took the time to break down the walls , but sometimes Im going to be who I am and what I relate to. As I said , it was nothing too serious and more innocuous on his behalf. Also , I know I may be young in most eyes but I have been through my paces and have experienced more then most at my age. Im at the point where I know I want to settle in with someone.
Lesson learned out of the entire situation is that people in our career field.. and more so once you have been in the military for awhile and have dated too many to count.. is that regardless of how many times we have tried.. or looked , your better half comes around. That better half will support you and unconditionaly love you despite what you do for a living. Makes sense.
Thanks everyone.
Cheers.
JESSO
Hopefull OG - Thank you for the advice. I must say however from the last few days in deep thought of how exactly I can resolve this situation it really just took care of itself , somewhat. I also don't want to as I mentioned make him seem to be some sort of Monster. He really is a good man and anyone who knows him would definetley say the same. If anything.. it's me. I have had some pretty crappy Boyfriends in my day and have learned some valuable lessons. Some of those lessons made my heart grow cold , like alot of these other Soldiers on here. Theres only so many time you can have your heart destroyed.. or even the same routine of getting into one and some reason having a fall out.. it get's old and emotionally you dont want to take anymore. So finally when you DO meet the right person you tend to fear the worse. In my case thats exaclty what I did. Without giving chance my mind and heart went to its default. Its so unfortunate that some people cant learn to trust in others. Whats life without it really. I became so scared of the thought of loosing my Boyfriend because I figured why in the world would anyone want to take the time ane effort to put into me when im leaving for SO long. And my Boyfriend took the time to break down the walls , but sometimes Im going to be who I am and what I relate to. As I said , it was nothing too serious and more innocuous on his behalf. Also , I know I may be young in most eyes but I have been through my paces and have experienced more then most at my age. Im at the point where I know I want to settle in with someone.
Lesson learned out of the entire situation is that people in our career field.. and more so once you have been in the military for awhile and have dated too many to count.. is that regardless of how many times we have tried.. or looked , your better half comes around. That better half will support you and unconditionaly love you despite what you do for a living. Makes sense.
Thanks everyone.
Cheers.
JESSO
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What happened to FightingIrish??? WHats his take on all of this????? Has he come to any decision?
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Geez I wish I'd found this site before my bf deployed! I had to figure out so much on my own! As I've read and heard, the army will not make or break your marriage or relationship - that would happen regardless of significant other's occupation. For us ladies left behind, it may feel like you're left holding the short end of the stick but you really aren't. I don't like that my honey is in harm's way anymore than the next person but never did I think that I could or would stop him from doing his job - that is what he was trained to do and, more importantly, WANTS to do. As hard as having him be away has been, it's also allowed us to focus on other aspects of our relationship. We've only grown closer, the communication is much more honest - each chat or call could be the last one! There are always 2 sides to each story/situation. My guy and I had the "I'll be gone for a long time and I understand if, during that time you want to move on" conversation prior to him deploying, but leaving never crossed my mind! Call me old-fashioned, call me weird, but it blows my mind that someone who claims to love another would begrudge his or her desire to serve their country! Ultimately, if your significant other can't wrap their brain around the concept of you wanting and needing to do this then you need to take stock, weigh options and move on!
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Octavianus said:
I take back all things said here. I'm now single again.....I guess the uniform was too much to handle for her liking. She got jealeous because all the women loved it , and she knew she would never be able to keep me now! ;D This is good though.... now I can focus on my training, school , and everyhting else that is more important....and possibly find a hot military chick!
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Octavianus said:I take back all things said here. I'm now single again.....I guess the uniform was too much to handle for her liking. She got jealeous because all the women loved it , and she knew she would never be able to keep me now! ;D This is good though.... now I can focus on my training, school , and everyhting else that is more important....and possibly find a hot military chick!
"Got along without you before I met you gonna get along without you now......"
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A few years ago I made one of the worst mistakes of my life.
I chose relationship over career. I'd applied for the regular forces, but the gf wanted to stay and finish college. She'd go with me after, but she wanted to finish. I said ok, I'll switch my app to reserves. Well, things went through, and I left for Shilo MB on my BMQ/SQ.
Being young and dumb, I thought this was the one. That we'd be together for the long haul, etc. Well, needless to say, shortly after coming back from basic, we weren't together very long. She moved out, and that was it.
Now, for well over two years, I made do with the reserves, loved the time in uniform. I also avoided committment and relationships at ALL costs. Pretty jaded. Career over everything.
Now, in the last little bit, I've become involved with one particular girl. Things are going well so far, but I will not make the same mistake again. I'm in the process of transferring to the Regular Forces, and I have no delusions about what that may mean to my relationship. But I'm at a point in my life, where my career takes precedence. Thankfully, my gf understands that, and we've both decided to take the relationship a day at a time, and cross those bridges when we get to them.
If you want it to work, try it. But weigh any decisions very carefully.
I chose relationship over career. I'd applied for the regular forces, but the gf wanted to stay and finish college. She'd go with me after, but she wanted to finish. I said ok, I'll switch my app to reserves. Well, things went through, and I left for Shilo MB on my BMQ/SQ.
Being young and dumb, I thought this was the one. That we'd be together for the long haul, etc. Well, needless to say, shortly after coming back from basic, we weren't together very long. She moved out, and that was it.
Now, for well over two years, I made do with the reserves, loved the time in uniform. I also avoided committment and relationships at ALL costs. Pretty jaded. Career over everything.
Now, in the last little bit, I've become involved with one particular girl. Things are going well so far, but I will not make the same mistake again. I'm in the process of transferring to the Regular Forces, and I have no delusions about what that may mean to my relationship. But I'm at a point in my life, where my career takes precedence. Thankfully, my gf understands that, and we've both decided to take the relationship a day at a time, and cross those bridges when we get to them.
If you want it to work, try it. But weigh any decisions very carefully.
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I see your point.
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Sig_Des said:
So Far ive been lucky in this regard..... well okay... ive just been single alot..... which makes it easier to choose career..... though life is not without its little quirks..... As I count down the remaining days until I begin Predeployment, I find myself starting to get involved with a girl.... (cause y'know I couldnt have maybe met her 3 months ago or something ???) Just remember when stuff like this happens what your priorities are..... My Goal, ever since February 5th of 1999 was to accually get the chance to suit up, and Do my Job for real. Overseas, on Tour.... If a relationship is ment to be, it will happen regardless of what job you have... Im not gonna go on some long winded rant about this, but I will defintatly echo what others have said.... Dont abandon your passion or your dreams for something fleeting.... if its been a lifelong goal to Join the CF, or Do a Tour (as a reservist) or whatever, then DO IT! dont abandon a goal because of what-ifs.
anywho, just my sleep deprived .02
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I am a student in Ontario and my fiance is in CFB Gagetown.. Although I dont get to see him, I consider myself to be really lucky in the relationship department. He left at the begining of October, and has called me twice a day since he's been there. We also both have web cams, which is really nice. The other great thing about my situation.. is that my parents live in Oromocto, so guess what.. I dont have to worry about the barracks because my fiance lives with my folks. How great is that?!
Right now I'm working towards being able to finish my course in NB, then I can move home sooner. YAY!
Right now I'm working towards being able to finish my course in NB, then I can move home sooner. YAY!
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