Essay paper on Canadian Forces in Afghanistan

[raymao]

Hey guys,

I was hoping some of you could assist me in evaluating an essay (attached as a word document below) I have written regarding CF in Afghanistan. This assignment is due next week, and it would be a privilege to hear your comments in regards to the direction I have taken with it. Who knows, if it seems worthwhile I may even submit the paper to one of the papers and see if they may consider printing it, or portions of it to remind Canadians what this war is all about.

There have been many boards opened related to public opinion and our ongoing involvement in Afghanistan. The country appears split in their support, and concern has been raised regarding the Prime Minister's ability to deploy our forces without having to weigh approval from the Parliament. This is what this paper is all about.

Your comments regarding the paper would be much appreciated. I hope you enjoy the read.

Regards,
raymao

 

[BKells]

I'm guessing this is a report, and not an argumentitive essay? It doesn't really irk me very much. Well researched I'd guess.

You might want to ammend your end notes, specifically number 12, to include an "http://" before "army.ca". Every one of your other links has it.

 

[DG-41]

It's not really an "essay", is it?

An essay seeks to make an argument; to convince the reader of something. This is more of a "report".

If your prof is expecting an "essay", then you're going to get dinged - even if the report is factual and correctly researched - because you aren't taking a position anywhere.

DG

 

[raymao]

This is what happens when a Business Management Major strays into other programs. I've written thousands of reports, not too many 'essays'. Anyways, changes are coming, thanks for the comments so far.

 

[BKells]

Oh boy, if you really mean to write an essay.. wow.

First change would be- pick a side. Make a thesis and defend it.

 

[raymao]

Ok, apparently it does not have to be an argumentative essay. All that I have to do is investigate a relevant Canadian policy in which there may be a problem.

I have had other suggestions PM'd and e-mailed directly to me, thank you.

The major suggestions I have received are 1) draw more attention to the fact Canada has rattified our involvement with the NATO treaty which recognizes an attack on a member state as being an attack on our own country, and 2) the pressure that Canadian businesses have placed on the government for Canada to respond to the United States for fear that failure to do so would result in damaged trade relations between the two countries.

BKells, you seem to be the outspoken professional on essays, would this make my paper more of a 'descriptive' essay?

 

[clk320]

FW: “Cosmopolitan Society, Human Safety and Rights in Plural and Peaceful Societies”

http://www.akdn.org/speeches/2006Feb12.htm  Speech by His Highness the Aga Khan

This could give you a global perspective of the world situation.  After present the CDN views and role in Afghanistan and then take side...