Pretending to be serving in Afghanistan??

[Puzzled_girl]

I wonder if anyone can answer me a question about the ethics and/or the legality of an officer in the Canadian Army Reserves sending emails to someone pretending to be serving in Afghanistan?  I met someone on an online dating site claiming to be doing a tour of active duty, commanding a tank unit that was  protecting supply convoys over in Afghanistan for six months.  The person in question is actually an active Officer in the Army Reserves, and was most definitely NOT in Afghanistan during the time I was getting the emails.  When we eventually met (obviously after six months), he wore his dress uniform to the date, and continued on with the deception about having just come back from over there, and had also been injured.

He actually did eventually go to Afghanistan, as a supply tech or something, for six months. But my recent discovery of his original deception has left me flabbergasted and shell shocked to say the least!  He is in a position of trust with cadets, teaching morals, ethics and honour, and his position is that it doesn't matter what he told me in his emails as we hadn't actually "met" in person at that time.

Please - can someone tell me, I am missing something here?  Is this acceptable behaviour ?  Is this permissable behaviour for a commissioned officer of the reserves? 

We are not together anymore, but this has still floored me because I feel the whole relationship was built on a lie.

I'd really appreciate anyone's opinions, or knowledge regarding ethics, etc. 

I am not a military person, so I don't know all of the Codes of Conduct. Also, can a dress uniform (the green suit one) be worn to a christmas party that is non-regimental and non-military?  I think this person possibly has some narcissitic issues and I'm concerned because of his position of trust.

Thanks so much - anyone.
Puzzled Girl

 

[Fatalize]

If you knew he was faking it... why did you give him a chance?

And yes if true, this is obviously not acceptable behavior and would result in harsh disciplinary action if caught.

 

[Puzzled_girl]

I didn't know he was faking it until last week.  I've spent the whole year (not including the original six months of writing to him) believing he had been there that first time, and he continued to let me believe it.

 

[armyvern]

I wonder if anyone can answer me a question about the ethics and/or the legality of an officer in the Canadian Army Reserves sending emails to someone pretending to be serving in Afghanistan?  I met someone on an online dating site claiming to be doing a tour of active duty, commanding a tank unit that was  protecting supply convoys over in Afghanistan for six months.  The person in question is actually an active Officer in the Army Reserves, and was most definitely NOT in Afghanistan during the time I was getting the emails.  When we eventually met (obviously after six months), he wore his dress uniform to the date, and continued on with the deception about having just come back from over there, and had also been injured.

He actually did eventually go to Afghanistan, as a supply tech or something, for six months. But my recent discovery of his original deception has left me flabbergasted and shell shocked to say the least!  He is in a position of trust with cadets, teaching morals, ethics and honour, and his position is that it doesn't matter what he told me in his emails as we hadn't actually "met" in person at that time.

Please - can someone tell me, I am missing something here?  Is this acceptable behaviour ?  Is this permissable behaviour for a commissioned officer of the reserves? 

We are not together anymore, but this has still floored me because I feel the whole relationship was built on a lie.

I'd really appreciate anyone's opinions, or knowledge regarding ethics, etc. 

I am not a military person, so I don't know all of the Codes of Conduct. Also, can a dress uniform (the green suit one) be worn to a christmas party that is non-regimental and non-military?  I think this person possibly has some narcissitic issues and I'm concerned because of his position of trust.

Thanks so much - anyone.
Puzzled Girl

I have some experience with posers "in" uniform; believe it or not, we actually had one in theatre too (that was very interesting to deal with, but not applicable to your situation).

Now, another bogus claim would be that he was "an officer" and afterwards deployed as a Sup Tech. Sup Techs are not officers; did he give up his commission?  :

I am aware of a Res F officer who came into theatre as a CANCAP employee (ie: a civilian contractor) and sat in KAF the entire time. I know he had previously worked with cadets.

Interesting overlap there in the similar details to your guy.

Hmmmmmmmmm.

Toss his ass to the curb forthwith; if he lies about imagined military operational service, he'll lie about anything.

 

[Puzzled_girl]

Hi Army Vern:

He had his profile on a dating site saying Hello from Kandahar. All of his first email messages were full of descriptions about being out at FOBs which is why he couldn't always write. Talking about how the tank unit he commanded was safer than the poor blokes in Humvees coz the ied's are bad for them, etc., etc. He even got an injury from a concussion blast? !  After we met, he still continued with the story. He is actually an officer in the reserves -I've been to functions with him.  A couple of months after he supposedly "came back" from his first tour, he told me he accepted another one, this time he was employed by the military working under contract as a "supply tech" so he wouldn't actually have to leave KAF, but just worked there, in an office, for six months. He was actually there from April to Oct 2011. Maybe its the same person you ran into.  I know for sure he went the second time.  What REALLY bothers me though, is that he doesn't seem to think it was wrong of him to mislead me and let me continue to believe he was some sort of injured war hero. He is always on about honour and loyalty and teaches the same things to his cadets - and yet he shows absolutely no remorse about his deception and, as I said before, seems to think because it was from a dating site, it doesn't matter what he said before he actually met me in person. He built himself up to be something he is not and I feel emotionally abused.  What should I do about it though, anything??!! Is it right for him to be teaching kids, and yet not living by the same code of ethics himself, because if he thinks he can behave like this, I'm sure it's not the only thing he thinks he can do.
I will definately contact the link you gave me - but in the meantime, do I do anything about this arrogant, narcissitic phoney with his CO?  What would YOU do!?  There's already some "bad blood" over something I was not fully told about, between him and his CO who wanted him transferred - not sure about what - but he managed to stay with the regiment he's in.

 

[armyvern]

I have some experience with posers "in" uniform; believe it or not, we actually had one in theatre too (that was very interesting to deal with, but not applicable to your situation).

Now, another bogus claim would be that he was "an officer" and afterwards deployed as a Sup Tech. Sup Techs are not officers; did he give up his commission?  :

I am aware of a Res F officer who came into theatre as a CANCAP employee (ie: a civilian contractor) and sat in KAF the entire time. I know he had previously worked with cadets.

Interesting overlap there in the similar details to your guy.

Hmmmmmmmmm.

OK, holy PMs batman!! I want to clarify my post that is quoted above, so I will reuote below and add clarification in yellow!!

I have some experience with posers "in" uniform; believe it or not, we actually had one in theatre too (that was very interesting to deal with, but not applicable to your situation). <--- refers to a mbr of the Reg F & not related to the below.

Now, another bogus claim would be that he was "an officer" and afterwards deployed as a Sup Tech. Sup Techs are not officers; did he give up his commission?  :

I am aware of a Res F officer who came into theatre as a CANCAP employee (ie: a civilian contractor) and sat in KAF the entire time. I know he had previously worked with cadets.  <--- more than one PResF officers and CIC came into theatre as civ contractors with CANCAP (providing IT sp, issuing TVs, welfare eqpt etc). Some even came with PSP and worked at Timmies etc. I am not inferring that the person I know is the individual who is lying to the lady in the original post.

Interesting overlap there in the similar details to your guy. Interesting because I believe that "her liar" may have similar background to the pers I outlined above as an example. Although there are a few with this civ work experience in KAF, not all of them try to pass themselves off as having "2 tours" and deployed "as a sup tech" (inferring that they were there as a CF member for the tour).

Hmmmmmmmmm. Hmmm because if "her liar" was there when I was and was a CANCAP civilian, then I would know him due to nature of my job during that tour. I have no idea when "her liar" was there.

 

[armyvern]

Hi Army Vern:

... He was actually there from April to Oct 2011. Maybe its the same person you ran into.  I know for sure he went the second time.  What REALLY bothers me though, is that he doesn't seem to think it was wrong of him to mislead me and let me continue to believe he was some sort of injured war hero. He is always on about honour and loyalty and teaches the same things to his cadets - and yet he shows absolutely no remorse about his deception and, as I said before, seems to think because it was from a dating site, it doesn't matter what he said before he actually met me in person. He built himself up to be something he is not and I feel emotionally abused.  What should I do about it though, anything??!! Is it right for him to be teaching kids, and yet not living by the same code of ethics himself, because if he thinks he can behave like this, I'm sure it's not the only thing he thinks he can do.
I will definately contact the link you gave me - but in the meantime, do I do anything about this arrogant, narcissitic phoney with his CO?  What would YOU do!?  There's already some "bad blood" over something I was not fully told about, between him and his CO who wanted him transferred - not sure about what - but he managed to stay with the regiment he's in.

Ref the yellow above - what link? I didn't post a link to you. Or are you looking at the link that is in my signature block and shows below all of my posts (wouldn't be the first time that has happened!)??

Uhmmm, drop the guy. End of story. There is, actually, nothing you can do except that. Ensure that you point out to him that ethics and loyalty are applicable all the time and one does not forgo them just because it happens to be a dating site - he would do wise to teach his cadets that. I also note the dates: tell him I said hello.

 

[Puzzled_girl]

Hahaha - so it IS the same person? I bet he wasn't regailing you with stories about his first tour of duty of there as a tank commander  

I've already dumped him - he was about as interesting as watching paint dry in the end. I'm just bothered that his behaviour is so reprehensible given the position of trust he is in and the fact that he doesn't even think there's anything wrong by lying about getting injured in the eye from a blast the "first" time he was over there. What a loser.  He's not even embarrassed about being caught out in the lie - just shrugs it off. 

So, no point in me forwarding his original emails to his CO then. I guess that would just be mean of me, but believe me I'm disillusioned and my trust factor has sunk to an all-time low, blech. 

I was referring to the link but after checking it I realized my mistake, lol. 

Still funny though that you know who I'm talking about.

 

[Puzzled_girl]

who should I say says Hello.

 

[armyvern]

Hahaha - so it IS the same person? I bet he wasn't regailing you with stories about his first tour of duty of there as a tank commander  

...

Still funny though that you know who I'm talking about.

Don't know if it's the same person or not, but regardless - yours would know me as I was the CSM Sup and was also assigned as a TTA (Theatre Technical Authority) for CANCAP employees in-theatre during his time period there.

Nah, none of them told me any similar exploits of service. Funny that.

 

[Pusser]

Can you wear a dress uniform to a non-military or non-unit function?  Yes.  Should you? Probably not.  There are very few non-military social functions where wearing a uniform would be appropriate (they do exist, but they are few and far between).  Officers especially are actually expected to maintain a decent and appropriate civilian wardrobe so that they can dress appropriately when uniforms would be inappropriate.    In fact, most functions in the Officers Mess are in civilian clothes (mess dinners and formal balls being notable exceptions).

For the most part however, anybody who would wear a uniform on a date (that wasn't to a military function) has watched An Officer and Gentleman a few too many times and is likely a colossal loser (but you've already figured that out)!

Has he done anything illegal?  That depends.  If he was wearing rank badges, medals or ribbons that he hasn't earned, then yes, he would be in violation of Section 419 of the Criminal Code.  Otherwise, there isn't much that can be done other than to avoid him in future.

 

[Strike]

I'm interested in knowing what dating site this is and if he's still on it.

  >

 

[armyvern]

I'm interested in knowing what dating site this is and if he's still on it.

  >

Apparently, he may be back on it soon!! LMAO.

 

[Pieman]

Is Big Bad John hitting the dating scene again? *snicker*

I guess at least he didn't knock a girl up in a one night fling and tell her his name was 'Carl Gustov'...I'm pretty sure that guys has fathered more than a bakers dozen over the years.

Reading this, I am reminded of the old saying 'All is fair in love and war', but yea, this story hits a abnormal new low. The fellow in question has some serious issues, send him to the head shrink I say.

 

[Pieman]

Oh, just to add to this thread. I was speaking to a fellow in a bar who was claiming to have served and went overseas. etc. Was chatting with a group of girls who seemed to be eating up his words. I asked what he thought of KAF? He responded that he did go to any of the remote FOBs so didn't know...You don't have to look far to find someone like that it seems.

 

[The Bread Guy]

Have to agree with ArmyVern's advice on this one....

Toss his *** to the curb forthwith; if he lies about imagined military operational service, he'll lie about anything.

 

[Fishbone Jones]

Alright folks, we've heard the story and the advice has been given.

There is no need to keep going round and round.

It's up to the OP now. Let's just leave it.

Milnet.ca Staff

 

[Remius]

I once told a girl that I made did the Kessel Run in less than 12 Parsecs.  Boy was she impressed.