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Merged Quotes and Sayings Thread; some useful, some junk

Chawki Bensalem said:
Don't call me sir, i work for a living.

-A rather mad NCO tired of recruits calling him sir-
Click to expand...

Or,

Don't call me sir, my parents were married.  ;D

:warstory:
A certain (to remain nameless) Cpl is driving his CO from Sarajevo to Visoko (94/95) early in the tour.  The CO is dozing off in the passenger seat.

CPL rather loudly:  You know I'd be fking embarrased.

CO startled out of his slumber:  Hmm, What was that Cpl H*****?

CPL:  I'd be fking embarrased if it took me six months to get a Battlegroup together.

*The Cpl never drove the CO again... and loved it!*

A young Captain is in a Gastoff in Germany trying to pick a fight with some locals who won't take his bait.

The Captain moves over to a couple of Cpls by the bar...

CAPT:  These damn Germans aren't very agressive are they?

Same Cpl as in the first story:  Form them up in Tanks by Division and you'll see how agressive they can be.

Ah, I miss B*** H*****.  ;D
 
While on a parade, Cpl walks along trying to find someone looking for him. When he finds him,
"Dont look at me son, you cant afford me"
 
What are some of your favorite quotes you have heard in your time in from basic to now from your fav instructor or Sgt?  My all time favorite is "Sounds like a personal problem there troop"
 
Some of my favourite lines can be found in the previous 46 pages... ;D
SSM catches a bunch of fellers asleep on the benches in the back of a Carrier
"What the hell do you think you men are doing?!?!"
One rises up, rubs his eyes, scratches his head and replies,
"Personal Admin Sir?",
"...Keep at it then fellers...And at least put the ramps up!" 
 
Airborne CSM says to me

"Great initiative there, Corporal, but please let the Officer Cadets do their tasks!"
 
heard this during morning inspection in Cornwallis in 1982...

"BLOGGINS!!!!! Did you brush your g%#$damn teeth this morning.....you smell lie the North end of a South bound cow!!!"

Also, our CSM in Dukes Company, 1 RCR used to like this one at the odd smoker or two.

*takes false teeth out and holds them with an extended arm while staring down prey

"I'll F%&*$in drop ya before these hit the ground"
 
While standing at attention there was a guy who couldnt stand still and he would move his upper chest a bit and the Mcpl saw him and said "god damn it (name) if you move again i'm gonna slap your titties and watch them jiggle"

During inspection my Mbdr saw picutres of me before i went on course with facial hair and commented on me looking like a gangbanger, and then left to the next guy in the room, while the person across the room was still chuckling he added "Geez (name) with you breathing on my neck its kinda turning me on"

again during inspection the entire room was giggling and trying not to laugh and the Mcpl said "if i wanted to be funny i would be wearing a fucking clown suit"

there was a guy who was to wait at the entrace of the barracks and wait for our seargeant to finish with inspections and he had completely forgotten about telling him to wait outside and my room was right above the entrance and all i hear was " WHAT THE FUCKING ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE?"

the Mcpl was yelling at us for not being outside on time and was giving us a lecture on how people could die if we don't meet our timing so late that day after lunch, we were standing outside wiating for the other platoon to finish eating and then one of the privates says

"Master Coporal"
Mcpl: What?
"if we were at war we would be dead, right?"
Mcpl: What the hell are you talking about?

again after lunch, we had to wait for the platoon again
"Master Corporal"
what do you want now (name)
"can we do some push-ups while we wait"
NO!
"why not?
Because i said so
(moment of silence)
"how about now"
damn it (name) Push up position now!
"but we're still digesting, can we do them later?"

 
Heard a fellow squad member get this one yelled at him (back in Cadets mind you) while on course at Trenton, I'm sure the Flight Sgt. didn't make this up cause it was way too good but i still found it funny.

F/Sgt: OK boys its time to go for a little run..**hand goes up**...ya what is it?

Random Cadet: But F/Sgt it's raining out we're all gonna get soaked... :(

F/Sgt: Not if you run around the drops!!

Priceless
 
We had 'squads' in Air Cadets  :eek: Wow... to think I taught all those years and never knew that... I thought we had 'syndicates' 'sections' but never a 'squad' maybe they do things different in Trenton  ::)
 
Retired M/Cpl Dragoon in Gagetown


M/CPL: Who's the sexiest man in NATO? And why Am I?  :rofl:
 
Spoken to recruits:  "Some of you, in your military careers may come across Master Corporals who seem to think they are God.  You can rest assured, that with me, such is not the case, for I am merely God's 2i/c."

"I am a friendly Master Corporal.  You can call me by my first name:  Master".
 
From the movie shooter.... because it really was just such a great line...

Colonel Isaac Johnson:: I have places to be, Im out of here..

Attorney General Russert: Colonel, your moral compass is so f***ed up, I'll be shocked if you manage to find your way back to the parking lot.

;D You have to admit it is a pretty good line
 
My favorite two quotes from the movie Gardens of Stone:

CSM-  How do worms Copulate BOY?!?
Troop- Uh...They don't Sergent Major...they use assexual reproduction.
CSM- AHH...hmm...Asexual reproduction...reproducing without sex. Any idea who first came up with that idea?
Troop-Your wife Seargent Major?

Toast said over a drink in the mess:
To us and those like us....... there's damn few left

 
From the same movie:

CSM (played by James Earl Jones):  "Make a hole and make it wide."
 
And again...

"Some days you eat the bear, some days the bear eats you."

(PS... the book is better.)
 
From  Brothers in Arms Road to Hill 30 :
If it screams, shoot it. If it screams in German shoot it again
 
Witnessed personally on a parade square some years ago in Petawawa:

Scenerio - 200+ RCR's on parade.  En masse.

Drill command: RIght... turn.  YOU - YOU - fourth man in eighth man back - you did a flat-footed turn on my parade square.  You are a donkey.  I'l orbit you around this parade square until your head dissapears up your ANUS!!!

Can anyone guess who?

Same man - all tigers, no donkeys.

 
Witnessed on the 8CH parade square in Petawawa...

Regemental parade practice, officers practicing drawing swords...

RSM Duffney:  "You!!  (points to some hapless Trooper)  Make a sound like a Drum!"

The same man also ordered a hovering 444 Sqn Helicopter "Off his parade square" during another Regt'l parade practice.
 
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