Girlfriend of New Recruit

[daisiedupp]

Well, this one is a complicated situation. I am a university student with HUGE ambitions. I'm doing a double major and an honours degree currently in the hopes of becoming a lawyer. Anyways. My livein bf and I had talked about the army because it had been a dream of his since he was 10 years old. He has lived and breathed this life hoping to one day take part. He had been rejected for 4 years because of medical problems which are now not an issue. We are madly inlove and committed to eachother. We had discussed the possibility of reserves or reg force, and he had chosen reserves in order to stay with me for the period of time I was in school. We went through a rough patch and he thought I was ending it, so, knowing he could not stay here, he switched it to reg force, then not breaking up and only getting stronger he realized he had made a mistake. After trying to switch back and then getting accepted while in that process, he was told all or nothing basically. I could never ask him not to do the army at all, so it was up to me to compromise.

It's especially hard because both of us thought we would be together and not have to move for a long while, but this is almost out of his control unless he gives up on it entirely which I won't let him do. So, we have a few weeks more together and then that's it for several months. It hurts, and it's going to be hard and there are alot of feelings, because it is still being digested. But, we decided that I will finish my degree (which I am almost done anyways) in a creative manner and I will move with him on base when he is done training and posted.

Well, that's the life story, lol. I guess I am looking for support, info, advice, anything really. I am new to this lifestyle and, obviously, very nervous. But I am strong too, so I have no doubt that I will be able to deal with it. But, the prospect of moving from all my friends and family, uprooting everything I've ever known and moving halfway across the country (I've NEVER travelled out of my home province and not much in it) is unnerving to say the least. I have several months which is better than a few weeks to prepare myself physically and mentally and I guess I am looking for an anchor on this journey. You all seem like a very informed and supportive bunch, so I was very excited when I found this site.

Thank you to the admin and creators of this site for providing and maintaining such an important resource!

 

[Matty B.]

Love is always so complicated! It seems that you made up your mind to go with him into the Army. I can't give too much advice, but do remember that moving away doesn't kill your chances of education.

I'm sure when he's going through training it might be hard on you, but that isn't to say that you can't persue education in a few years down the line. Just a few examples... if he's posted in Petawawa, go to the University of Ottawa or Carleton. If in Edmonton, go to the University of Alberta. There is always distance education. Plus if he's working full-time, you won't have to do the whole "poor university student" thing.

 

[Yrys]

Well, can't give any counsels, but you could look at :

http://forums.army.ca/forums/threads/46928.0.html

which will refere you to another board that you may find usefull...

themilitarywife.ca

 

[daisiedupp]

Oh, thanx, guys/gals! I had already marked that site as a favorite!

I'm not really looking for counselling, just what exactly it is that I should expect. I don't really know anything at all about this lifestyle and I know you are all living first hand with it. Like what is it like living on base, what is it like having a spouse working in the military (I know I can expect the possibility of deployment, but other than that the day-to-day aspects of it), support services, meeting other people, special "activities" etc.

And about education, I wouldn't be going if I had to give up on that. I will be  doing my year here that I have already signed up for because it is the same amount of time as his training and after that he's posted so things are more stable and then I will be uhauling it to wherever, hehe. There were several ways I could have done it, but I will be either finishing the degree online because after this year there is only a couple of courses left or simply toughing it out and coming back to stay with my parents during the fall and winter semesters (because I will need a mentor during my honor's thesis), but having my actual home be with him (if that makes ANY sense, lol)

And yes, love IS complicated!

 

[paracowboy]

No. Love is simple. Everything ELSE can be complicated.

 

[TMM]

You sound like me 16 years ago. Stay in school; stay at your current university. Transferring credits is a pain in the arse. It is one year and even then you will have some chance to see him. If you cannot be apart from each other longer than a few months, best to find out now and not later. Do not expect to receive the legal entitlements of a spouse if you are not yet one.

 

[govenor_mac]

Go to the site marriedtothecanadianforces.ca It is a fantastic forum to get any help and advice you require.Good luck hun.

 

[swahili]

Currently am going through the same (kind of) thing as you are with regards to schooling. I'm also almost done and will be commuting one day a week to 'creatively' finish off my degree. I need only 21 credits, 3 will be done through correspondence (let's see how fast i can get that one done, before our move in 6 weeks I hope!), and the remaining 18 will be with me commuting. 2 of those courses I will be travelling, the third I managed to get into a research option which I can do some online or - go to Ottawa to the archives to complete any hands-on research.

Should be fun!!!! But, I won't let our move ruin my chances at finishing off my education. I've invested too much (financially, emotionally, etc.) to get it done to leave it half-finished. I still have teacher's college after this but- I'll get to the bump in the road closer to that time.

Good luck!

 

[daisiedupp]

Thanx for all the replys guys/gals! I have joined themilitarywife.com, but I haven't been able to post yet :S, but it seems like a helpful site.

There is no way I'm not finishing my school, but I will be doing it in a different way and at my university (so either moving back for the semesters or online or both!).

I understand I will not have the legal entitlements of a spouse, which will make things more difficult, but does that include support meetings, etc.? I know I will not have his benefits which is fine because I'm covered, and I know that I won't get flown out anywhere on the army's dollar, nor will I be notified if anything happens to him, nor will he be able to see me if anything happens to me. But am I banned from the base etc.? Are there other things that I can expect to not be able to rely on?

 

[Booked_Spice]

First of all Welcome to the site.

I am glad to see that you are finishing off your degree. As to your other questions it all depends on where you want to live where he gets posted. If you want to live in Military housing depending if it is available in your particular posting you can claim common law. This also depends on how long you have lived together.

There is no life like military life. I am also very happy that you have decided to support his decision. Military life has its ups and downs but I have always felt it is like a separate family. For the most part I have found that other military members are very supportive. If you have any other questions feel free to message me. I will do my best to answer them for you. To add to my above comment their are many support services but I find the best support is close people who know what you are going through as well.

All the best and do not hesitate to ask any other questions. This site can give you some very important information.

Take care

 

[CFGF2MP]

Hang in there.  It sounds like you love him enough to support his dreams.  I say stay in school where you have the support of your friends and family.  He'll be busy with training and getting adjusted too.  I have decided to stay in the same city instead of transferring to another school while my live-in BF is in Gagetown. It's going to be hard, but it's what's best for me.  By supporting him with his military aspirations he should return the support and understand your goals and dreams.  It will work out.  Have faith, and take care of yourself.

 

[Suebu]

A long time ago a veteran military wife gave me some advice.

Be part of your bf's/husband lifestyle but also have a life of your own.

Good luck and Welcome

S

 

[canuckt]

Such a collection of love and wonderful advice.....I offer my best wishes for your journey.
Is there a website for "Mothers" similar to the wives one?
Thanks for your help. 
A new Proud Army Mom!!

 

[govenor_mac]

I too am a new proud army mom and I found marriedtothecanadainforces  a great help.Also I found this website helpful . Keep in touch we can compare notes and maybe help one another. Thanks for your note.Wanda