A Collection Of Army.ca Humour - including SKIPPY'S DAMN LIST AGAIN!!

[ExSarge]

On the first day of jump training, a sailor listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.
The sailor asked, "How am I supposed to know when I'm at 300 feet?"
"That's a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground."
After pondering his answer, the sailor asked, "What happens if there's no one there I know?"

 

[Haggis]

Maybe not completely ontopic, but here is a short list of things I learned in the military;

This is known as "Skippy's List" and it's been done here several times.  Funny, nonetheless.

 

[wannabe SF member]

30. The most dangerous kind of idiot is the one that takes himself seriously.

 

[MARS]

That is a really funny list..thanks for posting SP.  I particularly like numbers 9 and 22, but I do not get number 27 "I shall not keep a 'range card' by my window"

 

[medicineman]

I thought 33 and 37 were especially amusing myself - but I'm a demented f*&k anyway  >.

MM

PS - to add to the original post - #31.  Games played in minefields are best watched from a distance.

 

[medicineman]

Keep looking until you hammer in?

 

[xo31@711ret]

From the front page.....

Army Sergeant Saves The Life of a Naval Officer

Army Sergeant Saves The Life of a Naval Officer During Horse-Back Riding Mishap, 18 july 2008

A Naval Captain narrowly escaped serious injury recently when  he decided to try horseback riding, even though he had no lessons or prior experience. He mounted the horse, and the horse immediately sprang into action. As it galloped along at a steady and rhythmic pace, the Captain began to slip from the saddle. He grabbed for the horse's mane, but could not get a firm grip. He tried to throw his arms around the horse's neck, but he began to slide down the side of the horse anyway! The horse galloped along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, losing his frail grip, the Captain attempted to leap away from the horse and throw himself to safety. Unfortunately, his foot became entangled in the stirrup, and he was now at the mercy of the horse as his head struck against the ground over and over and over.

As his head was being battered against the ground and he was mere moments away from unconsciousness, to his great fortune, an army Sergeant, who was shopping at Wal-Mart, saw him and quickly unplugged the horse.

 

[MedTechStudent]

From the front page.....

Army Sergeant Saves The Life of a Naval Officer

Army Sergeant Saves The Life of a Naval Officer During Horse-Back Riding Mishap, 18 july 2008

A Naval Captain narrowly escaped serious injury recently when  he decided to try horseback riding, even though he had no lessons or prior experience. He mounted the horse, and the horse immediately sprang into action. As it galloped along at a steady and rhythmic pace, the Captain began to slip from the saddle. He grabbed for the horse's mane, but could not get a firm grip. He tried to throw his arms around the horse's neck, but he began to slide down the side of the horse anyway! The horse galloped along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, losing his frail grip, the Captain attempted to leap away from the horse and throw himself to safety. Unfortunately, his foot became entangled in the stirrup, and he was now at the mercy of the horse as his head struck against the ground over and over and over.

As his head was being battered against the ground and he was mere moments away from unconsciousness, to his great fortune, an army Sergeant, who was shopping at Wal-Mart, saw him and quickly unplugged the horse.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

thank you, its been a long time since I ACTUALLY laughed out loud.

 

[kincanucks]

That is a really funny list..thanks for posting SP.  I particularly like numbers 9 and 22, but I do not get number 27 "I shall not keep a 'range card' by my window"

I think that the point is that by having a range card by your window may indicate that you have prepared to defend from that position but it may look bad if said window is in your quarters.

http://www.armystudyguide.com/content/Leadersbook_information/Combat_Leaders_Guide/defend-range-card-prepara-2.shtml

 

[MARS]

I get it now.  Thanks!

MARS

 

[TCBF]

I think that the point is that by having a range card by your window may indicate that you have prepared to defend from that position but it may look bad if said window is in your quarters.

http://www.armystudyguide.com/content/Leadersbook_information/Combat_Leaders_Guide/defend-range-card-prepara-2.shtml

- My wife won't let me put them up at home, either...

 

[Trooper Hale]

- My wife won't let me put them up at home, either...

My SSM looks at me funny during room inspection because of it...

 

[GAP]

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Saskatchewan .
He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly
farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The litigator responded, 'I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it.'

The old farmer replied, 'This is my property, and you are not coming over here.'

The indignant lawyer said, 'I am one of the best trial attorneys in the World and, if you don't let
me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own.'

The old farmer smiled and said, 'Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Saskatchewan .

We settle small disagreements with the 'Three Kick Rule'.'

The lawyer asked, 'What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?'

The Farmer replied, 'Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three

times and then you kick me three times and so on, back and forth until someone gives up.'

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger.

He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney.

His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his
knees.

His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth.

The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet.

Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, 'Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn.'

The old farmer smiled and said, 'Nah, .................I give up! You can have the duck.'

 

[ENGINEERS WIFE]

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
;D You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandpa’s lap

 

[ENGINEERS WIFE]

;D

 

[GAP]

A tourist approached a local person in a village he was visiting in Newfoundland and asked
"What's the quickest way to Deer Lake?"

The local scratched his head, "Are you walking or driving?" he asked the stranger.

"I'm driving" said the stranger.

The villager said "That's the quickest way!"

 

[Hot Lips]

Since one of the other threads seemed to be going off the rails...something about Borden vs CFLRS...I thought I would post a joke for all the hard working NCOs on here...


One day a Colonel, a Lieutenant and a Warrant Officer were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large, raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so.

The Warrant Officer called out to God, praying, "Please God, give me the strength to cross this river." Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river. It did, however, take him about two hours, and he almost drowned a couple of times.

Seeing this, the Lieutenant prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength and the tools to cross this river." Poof! God gave him a rowboat. He was able to row across the river in about an hour, but it was rough, and he almost capsized the boat a couple of times.

The Colonel had seen how things worked out for the other two, so when he prayed to God, he said, "Please God, give me the strength, the tools, and the intelligence to cross this river." And poof! God turned him into an NCO. He looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, and then walked across the bridge.

Indeed the CF would be no where with out the wonderful and dedicated NCOs especially the ones in which I have the pleasure to work with 

HL



 
 

 

[ENGINEERS WIFE]

 

[adaminc]

Here is a funny military comic I found while idly surfing the net.

http://pichaus.com/comic-military-@da55e3edab9ebea928dc62d776222550/

 

[Bruce Monkhouse]

http://en.video.canoe.tv/video/comedy/comedy/1906868833/desert_eagle_backfires/10343685001