A Collection Of Army.ca Humour - including SKIPPY'S DAMN LIST AGAIN!!
- Reaction score
- 1
- Points
- 210
nice...
I like the John McCain one...
"I know Al Qaeda Isn’t in Iran now, But they’ll be there.............. as soon as we invade"
or the Obama/Clinton Tastes Great/Less Filling
I like the John McCain one...
"I know Al Qaeda Isn’t in Iran now, But they’ll be there.............. as soon as we invade"
or the Obama/Clinton Tastes Great/Less Filling
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 410
This is circulating around the DRN today ;D.
Tongue in cheek and a a good laugh, but if only?
You decide.
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You gotta love Robin Williams......Even if he's nuts! Leave it to Robin Williams to come up with the perfect plan . What we need now is for our UN Ambassador to stand up and repeat this message.
Robin Williams' plan...(Hard to argue with this logic!)
"I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of a plan for peace. So, here's one plan."
1) "The US will apolog ize to the world for our "interference" in their affairs, past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those "good 'ole' boys", we will never "interfere" again.
2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world , starting with Germany , South Korea , the Middle East , and the Philippines . T hey don't want us there. We would station troops at our borders. No one allowed sneaking through holes in the fence.
3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together or leave. We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediatel y, regardless of whom or where they are. They're illegal!!! France will welcome them.
4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit!! No one from a terrorist nation will be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here . Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.
5) No foreign "students" over age 21. The older ones are t he bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a "D" and it's back home baby.
6) The US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing nonpolluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while
7) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go someplace else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.)
8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not "interfere." They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give t hem is stolen or given to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if anything.
9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island someplace. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.
10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us "Ugly Americans" any longer. The Language we speak is ENGLISH ..learn it..or LEAVE!!
Now, isn't that a winner of a plan?
"The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses." She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'you want a piece of me?' "
-----------------
Cheers,
Wes
Tongue in cheek and a a good laugh, but if only?
You decide.
------------------------------
You gotta love Robin Williams......Even if he's nuts! Leave it to Robin Williams to come up with the perfect plan . What we need now is for our UN Ambassador to stand up and repeat this message.
Robin Williams' plan...(Hard to argue with this logic!)
"I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of a plan for peace. So, here's one plan."
1) "The US will apolog ize to the world for our "interference" in their affairs, past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those "good 'ole' boys", we will never "interfere" again.
2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world , starting with Germany , South Korea , the Middle East , and the Philippines . T hey don't want us there. We would station troops at our borders. No one allowed sneaking through holes in the fence.
3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together or leave. We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediatel y, regardless of whom or where they are. They're illegal!!! France will welcome them.
4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit!! No one from a terrorist nation will be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here . Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.
5) No foreign "students" over age 21. The older ones are t he bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a "D" and it's back home baby.
6) The US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing nonpolluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while
7) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go someplace else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.)
8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not "interfere." They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give t hem is stolen or given to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if anything.
9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island someplace. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.
10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us "Ugly Americans" any longer. The Language we speak is ENGLISH ..learn it..or LEAVE!!
Now, isn't that a winner of a plan?
"The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses." She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'you want a piece of me?' "
-----------------
Cheers,
Wes
- Reaction score
- 2,389
- Points
- 940
According to Snopes' Urban Myths it's got nothing to do with Robin Williams.
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 210
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. He, who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
4. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
5. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
7. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.
8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
9. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those, who got there first.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
11. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
12. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in the dark.
13. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people, who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.
14. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
2. He, who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
4. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
5. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
7. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.
8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
9. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those, who got there first.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
11. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
12. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in the dark.
13. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people, who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.
14. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
- Reaction score
- 2,535
- Points
- 1,260
18. Life is short - eat dessert first.
A
aesop081
Guest
19-Your parents told you that you were special......you are not.
- Reaction score
- 1
- Points
- 430
21. As hard as you wish it isn't true, there is always someone better then you in every way, and has more and better friends.
medicineman
Army.ca Legend
- Reaction score
- 3,792
- Points
- 1,110
24. The most exercise you get as you age is being a pallbearer for your friends who exercised more.
- Reaction score
- 4,853
- Points
- 1,060
*
- Reaction score
- 5
- Points
- 430
*
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 210
28. As soon as your born you start dying.
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 60
Maybe not completely ontopic, but here is a short list of things I learned in the military;
1. May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I'm right.
2. Don't tell Princess Di jokes in front of the paras (British Airborne).
3. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.
4. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.
5. Not allowed to sing 'High Speed Dirt' by Megadeth during airborne operations. ('See the earth below/Soon to make a crater/Blue sky, black death, I'm off to meet my maker')
6. Our medic is called 'Sgt L........, not 'Dr. Feelgood'.
7. Our supply Sgt is 'Sgt W.........' not 'Sugar Daddy'.
8. I do not have super-powers.
9. I am not authorized to fire officers.
10. 'Napalm sticks to kids' is *not* a motivational phrase.
11. The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, we've all got jackboots now, slut puppy, or any references to squid.
12. If one soldier has a 2nd Lt bar on his uniform, and I have an E-8 on mine It means he outranks me. It does not mean; 'I have been promoted seven more times than you'.
13. Inflatable novelties do *not* entitle me to BAQ or Separation pay.
14. The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them "You don't need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for."
15. Must not start any SITREP (Situation Report) with "I recently had an experience I just had to write you about...."
16. Not allowed to make any Psychological Warfare products depicting the infamous Ft. Bragg sniper incident.
17. A smiley face is not used to mark a minefield.
18. Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.
19. My commander is not old enough to have fought in the civil war, and I should stop implying that he did.
20. Rodents are not entitled to burial with full military honors, even if they are "casualties of war".
21. Should not taunt members of the press, even if they are really fat, exceptionally stupid, and working for UPI.
22. I am not authorized to change national policy in Eastern Europe.
23. I cannot arrest children for being rude.
24. I should not teach other soldiers to say offensive and crude things in Arabic, under the guise of teaching them how to say potentially useful phrases.
25. Should not show up at the front gate wearing part of a Russian uniform, messily drunk.
26. Even if my commander did it.
27. I do not need to keep a 'range card' by my window.
28. I should not drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a urine test.
29. Must not create new DOD forms, then insist they be filled out.
30. The proper way to report to my Commander is '1st Sgt V........., reporting as ordered, Sir' not 'You can't prove a thing!'
31. Bodychecking General officers is not a good idea.
32. May not challenge officers to 'Meet me on the field of honor, at dawn'.
33. I am not allowed to sing 'Henry the VIII I am' until verse 68 ever again.
34. NEVER nail a stuffed bunny to a cross and put it up in front of the Battalion Headquarters sign as an "Easter Desecration."
35. Don't write up false gigs on a HMMWV PMCS. ("Broken clutch pedal", "Number three turbine has frequent flame-outs", "flux capacitor emits loud whine when engaged")
36. Must not make T-shirts up depciting a pig with the writing "Eat Pork or Die" in Arabic to bring as civilian attire when preparing to deploy to a primarily Muslim country.
1. May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I'm right.
2. Don't tell Princess Di jokes in front of the paras (British Airborne).
3. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.
4. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.
5. Not allowed to sing 'High Speed Dirt' by Megadeth during airborne operations. ('See the earth below/Soon to make a crater/Blue sky, black death, I'm off to meet my maker')
6. Our medic is called 'Sgt L........, not 'Dr. Feelgood'.
7. Our supply Sgt is 'Sgt W.........' not 'Sugar Daddy'.
8. I do not have super-powers.
9. I am not authorized to fire officers.
10. 'Napalm sticks to kids' is *not* a motivational phrase.
11. The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, we've all got jackboots now, slut puppy, or any references to squid.
12. If one soldier has a 2nd Lt bar on his uniform, and I have an E-8 on mine It means he outranks me. It does not mean; 'I have been promoted seven more times than you'.
13. Inflatable novelties do *not* entitle me to BAQ or Separation pay.
14. The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them "You don't need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for."
15. Must not start any SITREP (Situation Report) with "I recently had an experience I just had to write you about...."
16. Not allowed to make any Psychological Warfare products depicting the infamous Ft. Bragg sniper incident.
17. A smiley face is not used to mark a minefield.
18. Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.
19. My commander is not old enough to have fought in the civil war, and I should stop implying that he did.
20. Rodents are not entitled to burial with full military honors, even if they are "casualties of war".
21. Should not taunt members of the press, even if they are really fat, exceptionally stupid, and working for UPI.
22. I am not authorized to change national policy in Eastern Europe.
23. I cannot arrest children for being rude.
24. I should not teach other soldiers to say offensive and crude things in Arabic, under the guise of teaching them how to say potentially useful phrases.
25. Should not show up at the front gate wearing part of a Russian uniform, messily drunk.
26. Even if my commander did it.
27. I do not need to keep a 'range card' by my window.
28. I should not drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a urine test.
29. Must not create new DOD forms, then insist they be filled out.
30. The proper way to report to my Commander is '1st Sgt V........., reporting as ordered, Sir' not 'You can't prove a thing!'
31. Bodychecking General officers is not a good idea.
32. May not challenge officers to 'Meet me on the field of honor, at dawn'.
33. I am not allowed to sing 'Henry the VIII I am' until verse 68 ever again.
34. NEVER nail a stuffed bunny to a cross and put it up in front of the Battalion Headquarters sign as an "Easter Desecration."
35. Don't write up false gigs on a HMMWV PMCS. ("Broken clutch pedal", "Number three turbine has frequent flame-outs", "flux capacitor emits loud whine when engaged")
36. Must not make T-shirts up depciting a pig with the writing "Eat Pork or Die" in Arabic to bring as civilian attire when preparing to deploy to a primarily Muslim country.
