Humour of "where no man has gone before" . . . a staple of medics everywhere.
While I've not personally seen any foreign objects lodged in the rectum (I don't count the times I assisted at 'general officer brain scans'*), I have heard some good stories. The only one that I had a passing connection to was in the late 1970s in Eqypt. GI complaints were common and someone with a case of "the gut" was probably the most frequently presented at the Health Support Unit (HSU), so much so that a simple case without any complications or co-morbidity was usually handled by the Med As and didn't necessarily need to be seen by an MO. The rx was fairly standard - clear fluids and no solids for 24 to 48 hours (the most important), rest (that didn't mean excused duty), anti-emetics and anti-diarrheals prn - pretty simple. But there were always a few who did not follow the advice, especially that of "no solids". You'd invariably see them in the mess hall a couple of hours after being on sick parade, scoffing down a hearty lunch and then again on sick parade a day or two later complaining that it's not getting any better. The individual of the story was one such - it didn't matter how many times he was told "no solids - clear fluids only" - he'd be eating within hours of leaving the HSU. After repeated visits on sick parade, "in a joking manner", (so stated for legal reasons) it was suggested that he stick a cork up his ass because that would be the only way to stop his diarrhea. Well, that seemed to get the point across to him, or so we thought until several days later he showed up on sick parade and asked when should the cork come out. While there was a brief moment of jocularity, that quickly transformed into a WTF do we do now moment since it was well past the stage when it could be handled by one of us Med As and the SMO was not known for her sense of humour. As we were only established for primary care, we had to send him down to the POLLOG hospital for removal of the cork.
*general officer brain scans - what we called the rigid sigmoidoscopy that was part of the annual medical examination at NDMC required for every GOFO.
