Questions about Marriage in the CAF [Merged]

[Brasidas]

So my partner and I are getting married in Ottawa. She's from there originally, mom's still there, and its not too far from most of her family and old friends. Its the dark side of the moon as far as I'm concerned from here in Edmonton, though I know some people around there.

I want to be supportive while taking an active part in planning the logistics with her.

My first thoughts are on the reception. She was hoping to do something at a place called Tucson's, which has recently been shut down. She liked the restaurant, it had a stage, and it had a dance floor. She wants a band.

I'm wondering about the JR Messes in the city. I've never been to the armouries in Ottawa, but I imagine each has a mess that their members have access to for this sort of thing. What exists, and what might I be looking at for costs?

 

[aesop081]

I'm wondering about the JR Messes in the city. I've never been to the armouries in Ottawa, but I imagine each has a mess that their members have access to for this sort of thing. What exists, and what might I be looking at for costs?

Rideau Canal Junior Ranks mess:

http://www.cg.cfpsa.ca/cg-pc/Ottawa/EN/Messes/RCJuniorRanksMess/Pages/default.aspx

 

[dapaterson]

What sorts of numbers are you looking at?

 

[Pusser]

According to the sign, Tucson's is only closed for renovations.

 

[Brasidas]

What sorts of numbers are you looking at?

50

According to the sign, Tucson's is only closed for renovations.

She tells me it's more permanent than that. It'd be nice if it re-opened, but it might be as a sports bar or something other than it was. Here's a link to the story from the local paper: http://www.ottawacitizen.com/entertainment/Tucson+shuts+down+after+years/6229539/story.html

 

[LineJumper]

Is the Outback still outside Uplands? Jk, too bad the Eagles nest is flat, it had all kinds over the rental mess in Ottawa, yet, if you like the armoury feel, the Cartier is in fact a nice historical landmark. Looks not too bad after the reno's to take on the insignificant number of JR's in the NCR, but of the 3, the Sgts mess is my fave.

 

[dapaterson]

I agree with the Sgts Mess over the Jrs, if only because it's on the ground floor while the Jrs is up a few flights of stairs.  As I recall, they accept all ranks for functions.

You'll also have to make decisions about the ceremony location - is it a religious service at a church?  Civil ceremony somewhere else?


Depending on the time of year you're looking at, bookings can be hard to get; my wife and I booked our facility about 8-9 months in advance.  We had the ceremony; had the guests leave for a few hours while we went out for photos, then came back for cocktails in the lobby then the reception in the same room as the ceremony.

 

[Brasidas]

I agree with the Sgts Mess over the Jrs, if only because it's on the ground floor while the Jrs is up a few flights of stairs.  As I recall, they accept all ranks for functions.

You'll also have to make decisions about the ceremony location - is it a religious service at a church?  Civil ceremony somewhere else?

We're, or rather she's, still figuring that out. Seems city hall's got a 10 person restriction and we need to be there in person to book a time. Neither of us are particularly religious, and while it's going to be more about a party later on, we'd like folks to be there for the tying-the-knot bit.

Depending on the time of year you're looking at, bookings can be hard to get; my wife and I booked our facility about 8-9 months in advance.  We had the ceremony; had the guests leave for a few hours while we went out for photos, then came back for cocktails in the lobby then the reception in the same room as the ceremony.

We'll see what we can get. We're trying for some time the Labour Day weekend.

 

[LineJumper]

We're, or rather she's, still figuring that out. Seems city hall's got a 10 person restriction and we need to be there in person to book a time. Neither of us are particularly religious, and while it's going to be more about a party later on, we'd like folks to be there for the tying-the-knot bit.


We'll see what we can get. We're trying for some time the Labour Day weekend.

In light of that, perhaps a gathering of friends at a favorite spot? I understand the military theme for yourself,  the Ottawa boat place off the canal is nice as well(no large boat I own gets in the canal. Its been many moons since I ripped that city a Linehole but the raft spot riverside was also a very nice spot.

 

[dapaterson]

There are freelance officiants who will conduct the ceremony for you - we hired one online, emailed a few times, then met in person prior to the ceremony to ensure we were getting something that would be meaningful to us.


One other consideration:  Photos.  Any thought about where you want them taken?  The Canal by the messes is a nice location (weather permitting, of course).  Are you hiring a photographer or relying on friends and family?

 

[Brasidas]

In light of that, perhaps a gathering of friends at a favorite spot? I understand the military theme for yourself,  the Ottawa boat place off the canal is nice as well(no large boat I own gets in the canal. Its been many moons since I ripped that city a Linehole but the raft spot riverside was also a very nice spot.

I'm probably missing something here; I barely know the place beyond some half-drunken adventures on leave from Kingston. Are you talking about a park-type area or bars by the canal?

I could see doing something outdoors by the canal, but I'm concerned about weather, particularly with the band we're getting.

She's pretty set on having an awesome band at the party, which affects where we can have it.

The Sgt & WO's mess is apparently a no-go, as they don't book for Sundays and Saturdays are all booked-up for September. I had been thinking of a JR's as a nice, reliable place that we could count on, without breaking the bank.

I'm up for anything that'll be comfortable for 50 people, has hotels either walking distance where simple logistics can be worked out (rent a 15-pack van, shuttle on a 10 minute turnaround), and has space for a band and a dance floor.

There are freelance officiants who will conduct the ceremony for you - we hired one online, emailed a few times, then met in person prior to the ceremony to ensure we were getting something that would be meaningful to us.

One other consideration:  Photos.  Any thought about where you want them taken?  The Canal by the messes is a nice location (weather permitting, of course).  Are you hiring a photographer or relying on friends and family?

We'll be looking at those freelancers.
EDIT:***
I'm now being quietly but firmly told that I'm out to lunch trying to arrange a civil ceremony away from city hall. She insists that only a justice of the peace can do it, and that they only do it at city hall. She's not saying that that's what *she* wants, just what's possible in Ontario.

I'm confused. What are my options here, exactly? According to this website my other options are "religious officiants", which I know could be someone relatively accommodating to our (non)beliefs.
***

For photos, I like the work my father and my aunt have done in the past. For locations, I barely know the city. I'd prefer that the ceremony be near a suitably photogenic outdoor space.

 

[Pusser]

I'm now being quietly but firmly told that I'm out to lunch trying to arrange a civil ceremony away from city hall. She insists that only a justice of the peace can do it, and that they only do it at city hall. She's not saying that that's what *she* wants, just what's possible in Ontario.

Absolutely untrue.  I personally know one of those "freelancers."  He is definitely licensed to perform marriages and he'll do it wherever you want (within the Ottawa area).  Send me a PM (with your email address) and I'll set up contact for you.

 

[dapaterson]

I'm probably missing something here; I barely know the place beyond some half-drunken adventures on leave from Kingston. Are you talking about a park-type area or bars by the canal?

I could see doing something outdoors by the canal, but I'm concerned about weather, particularly with the band we're getting.

She's pretty set on having an awesome band at the party, which affects where we can have it.

The Sgt & WO's mess is apparently a no-go, as they don't book for Sundays and Saturdays are all booked-up for September. I had been thinking of a JR's as a nice, reliable place that we could count on, without breaking the bank.

The JRs is an option, but it's upstairs from the Sgts and WOs - you'll have to be very clear on directions, lest your guests decide to go to the wedding on the ground floor instead

I'm up for anything that'll be comfortable for 50 people, has hotels either walking distance where simple logistics can be worked out (rent a 15-pack van, shuttle on a 10 minute turnaround), and has space for a band and a dance floor.

We'll be looking at those freelancers.
EDIT:***
I'm now being quietly but firmly told that I'm out to lunch trying to arrange a civil ceremony away from city hall. She insists that only a justice of the peace can do it, and that they only do it at city hall. She's not saying that that's what *she* wants, just what's possible in Ontario.

I was married in 2008 by an officiant not at city hall, so either (a) I'm not really married or (b) that wedding certificate I got in the mail from the province of Ontario is valid and I am married.  you will have to go to City hall to pick up the paperwork, but the actual ceremony can be anywhere in Ontario.

We went with All Seasons - http://www.allseasonsweddings.com/ - they have a long roster of officiants available. 

I'm confused. What are my options here, exactly? According to this website my other options are "religious officiants", which I know could be someone relatively accommodating to our (non)beliefs.
***

For photos, I like the work my father and my aunt have done in the past. For locations, I barely know the city. I'd prefer that the ceremony be near a suitably photogenic outdoor space.

Photogenic places:  The canal; the arboretum; there's an office complex at Albert and Bay with indoor greenery and water (a good plan B if it rains).  As always, time spent in recce is seldom wasted; if you get a chance to look for places in advance, do so.  You should also plan out all the main photos you want - three weeks later is a bad time to realize that you never got a picture with Great Aunt Mabel and her darling little chihuahua.  And leave some time for more impromptu photos, too - those can be great.

(And, to make your wife love you even more, bring along a pair of comfortable shoes for her to wear in the photos where her feet won't be visible!)

 

[Brasidas]

The JRs is an option, but it's upstairs from the Sgts and WOs - you'll have to be very clear on directions, lest your guests decide to go to the wedding on the ground floor instead

I was married in 2008 by an officiant not at city hall, so either (a) I'm not really married or (b) that wedding certificate I got in the mail from the province of Ontario is valid and I am married.  you will have to go to City hall to pick up the paperwork, but the actual ceremony can be anywhere in Ontario.

We went with All Seasons - http://www.allseasonsweddings.com/ - they have a long roster of officiants available. 

Photogenic places:  The canal; the arboretum; there's an office complex at Albert and Bay with indoor greenery and water (a good plan B if it rains).  As always, time spent in recce is seldom wasted; if you get a chance to look for places in advance, do so.  You should also plan out all the main photos you want - three weeks later is a bad time to realize that you never got a picture with Great Aunt Mabel and her darling little chihuahua.  And leave some time for more impromptu photos, too - those can be great.

(And, to make your wife love you even more, bring along a pair of comfortable shoes for her to wear in the photos where her feet won't be visible!)

Much appreciated.

I don't know if we'll be able to afford a trip to do recce before we start committing to stuff, but we'll see how early we can get down there.

Her latest thought on where to hold the ceremony is under the plaza bridge. There's apparently some interesting stuff down there and there's overhead cover in case of inclement weather. Any idea how I'd go about investigating who to get permits from (eg. Parks Canada with the Rideau Canal around there vs Ottawa vs NCC...)?

 

[dapaterson]

No idea at all about the plaza bridge.  Parks Canada may have some info, but I don't know.  I did have some photos taken there.  Main problem is that it's a public place, so you could get rollerbladers going through in the middle of the ceremony.



But I can't emphasize the comfortable shoes enough.  She will choose beautiful shoes that cause her unbearable suffering; offering her some relief will earn you a nearly infinite number of brownie points.

 

[Brasidas]

So we've got things sorted for venues for the ceremony and the reception, including food. The wedding's going to be more expensive than I'd like, and we're spending money on things like an awesome band, an officiant that she really likes, and some decent food.

Still doing a lot of other logistics, and she's getting stressed, which isn't too surprising. I'm trying to do my part in getting checks in the box done.

One area where we are not spending much money is rings. I'd rather spend three grand on a band she loves than on some piece of rock. I'm looking for something simple, elegant, and inexpensive. Solid metal, no jewels.

Suggestions on where I should be shopping?

 

[dapaterson]

We got our wedding bands in Toronto's China town; just about any jeweller should be able to do something for you.  Remember that once the word "wedding" is attached to something prices spike upwards; China town was nice becasue there's always room to negotiate on prices, and many merchants will also offer lower prices if you're not going to cost them credit card fees.

For the engagement ring I went to Blue Nile (online).  Nice stuff and good prices as well, but no room to haggle with a website.

 

[danteh]

Just got married and was looking to update my pers file and have a question in terms of adding dependants. My wife and stepson don’t live with me as she has been living with her parents to take of them for the past year and I have my own house. Is it going to be an issue having them as my dependants if technically they don’t live with me as her mailing address is her parents? Also I was told by a clerk that to have my stepson as a dependant I would legally have to adopt him. Is this the case as I cannot find any documentation that supports that.

 

[kratz]

Updating your marital and dependant’s status is simple. Provide the marriage certificate and birth certificates to your OR for photocopying and entry into the system. Update your will, FCP, Memorial Cross and other related DAG paperwork and you should be good to go. Military families occasionally become separated on a regular basis. As long it is not a long term, permanent separation, there shouldn't be an immediate issue.

Your concern about benefits is too broad to fully answer. As an educated guess:
- As far as the CAF is concerned, your F&E is with you at your house. So there is no SE entitlement - CBI 208.997
- PSHCP
- DDCP
- Posting: You will have to move your family to you on your own dime, as they are not currently with your F&E. If they move in with you prior to your posting message, then they will be covered for the move as per normal.

A step child does not have to be your legal ward for them to be declared your dependant.

Ask the HRA to show you the reference they are quoting which requires you to adapt your stepson.
I don’t mind following policy, but it drives me nuts when an individual make up policy on their own.
All three links above have common definitions of a dependant and none of them expect a CAF member to adopt a step child in order to declare them a dependant.

 

[JesseWZ]

I don’t mind following policy, but it drives me nuts when an individual make up policy on their own.

This should be prominently displayed at every section expected to conduct personal admin on behalf of members, at every base, station, wing and detachment.

As an aside, as you're on BTL (again) really ensure all that paperwork is good to go and your dependants are listed and collocated with your F+E prior to your posting. Get it in writing if you have to.

Story time...
I got married in the middle of my QL3 7 years ago and thought I had all my ducks in a row. As it turns out, a clerk at a school that shall remain nameless who told me everything was done and I would have no issues with entitlements for the move was 100% dead wrong. I ended up getting dinged for a chunk of my move and after all was said and done I owed a few thousand back to the Crown. It was grieve-able as I had an email chain to prove what I had been told and the steps I had taken to ensure I was correct, however at the time I chose not to rock that particular boat.

Knowing what I know now, I should have put in the grievance. Never go up against a Sicilian when death is on the line, and if you have been aggrieved, always put in the grievance.