NY Times article: Coping With Loss, Military Kin Also Struggle With a Windfall

[dapaterson]

Interesting article in the New York Times, discussing the reactions of families to the insurance and death gratuity payments the receive after the death of a relative.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/22/nyregion/22benefits.html?_r=1&ei=5088&en=2375ca546b7e1190&ex=1363838400&oref=slogin&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss&pagewanted=all

For some relatives of service members killed in Iraq and Afghanistan, the money feels, at first, like an affront, as if the government were putting a price tag on a loved one’s life. Others are thrown off balance by the sudden infusion of $500,000, spending with abandon to assuage grief or finding themselves besieged by hard-up friends and relatives. And the newfound wealth often strains relations among in-laws.

Three years ago, advocates for military families succeeded in winning a significant expansion in survivor benefits, which include life insurance, a death gratuity, medical care and housing and education assistance. But the increases have left some widows and next of kin clearly rattled by the collision of mourning and money.

“It’s like winning the lottery, and your relatives all look at you like you’re a cash cow,” said Kathleen B. Moakler, director of government relations for the National Military Family Association, a nonprofit advocacy organization. “Money makes people do strange things.”

 

[teddybear]

At first, it almost feels like blood money. And trust me when I say everyone of us that I know would give every cent back just to have them walk through the door.

Then you get all the various investment people offering to help you with your money...yet another decision to make. Family seems to realize that this money has to get you through the rest of your life.

The hardest thing is spending it. We all know people come home from tour and buy new vehicles, take a trip or renovate the house. That's great. However, when we go to do the same thing, it's criticism. Oh....look she's out spending the money....didn't take her long! Look at the new car....must be nice! I can't believe they're going on a trip! It's hard enough not feeling guilty about needing to buy things, like a new car, or taking a trip to get away from prying eyes! But when you have to justify to other people about why you needed that new car or trip, it makes you second guess your decision. Am I doing something wrong???  Then the rational mind kicks in...wait a minute...my old car keeps breaking...I don't want to be taken by the mechanic (no offense to mechanics!) I promised my husband I would take the kids on that trip...it was the last thing he asked me to do.

Everybody has an opinion on what we should do...such is life, I know. However, sometimes we don't need to hear it. Life is hard enough and we're just trying to get through it.

 

[westie47]

I agree completely, it's no one's business what the people left behind do with their money. Personally, I will leave detailed instructions/plans for my wife. Pay the house off, go on a cruise, get a car, etc. If anyone says anything, they can go jump off a bridge.

 

[ENGINEERS WIFE]

I found that it was kinda strange that people are so quick to jump to conclusions or judge the wives that have lost their husbands and how they choose to spend their money.  Until you have walked a mile in their shoes who would say what you would do.  And I think that the last thing the family should have to worry about is putting food on the table or worrying about the car breaking down. And in the big scheme of things, what difference does it make?  If it makes their lives easier or gives them joy or even if it only makes their lives a little easier.  It's there for the families that have paid the ultimate price, and as far as I'm concerned the price they pay far outways any amount of "windfall" they receive.