Military Singles

[Kal]

Britney, I'm not sure if you're making a joke?  What I meant by pack animal is a animal that lives within a group of the same animal, ie wolves.  I think that's what you meant by social animal, correct?

Shadow Cat, I'm not sure why you have responded with such hostile words.  I made no mention of treating women badly or with disrespect.  Why you suggest I can only get bimbos, the unintelligent, etc is beyond me, but is not factual. I need not make examples of the relationships I've had in the past, because they have been fulfilling emotionally, mentally and intellectually.  I made no mention of what exactly to do to meet women, I merely suggested a change in mindset, which in my experience is the most beneficial, and if that constitutes to me only able to get 'unfavourable' women in your books, then so be it.  I have found many more females than not have responded positively to me and my character, than not.  I do find it interesting though how some people take such offence to such things, I am not sure why, maybe failed relationships or relationship goals or they are just intimidated...

That's enough outta' me for this thread...

 

[Slim]

Sigh...Here we go again... :

 

[Pieman]

but if you the only nice guy out of those 20 guys, you just have to get in there and prove yourself.
chances are, 20 guys hanging around to meet women, 18 of them are arses

But out of the 5 woman, how many are single? How many are of interest to you? Another reason to play the odds.

 

[Sh0rtbUs]

But out of the 5 woman, how many are single? How many are of interest to you? Another reason to play the odds.

I was thinking the same thing...

I find a lot of guys are out for the Skinny, blonde, perfect faced type women. Forget that, what you need is a woman with meat on her bones and so much hair on her chin that you can swing from it!

THATS a recipe for a satisfied man, IMO  ;D

 

[762gunner]

A buddy of mine wrote this, and this makes one think.  And if one is living on a small base with only a small town nearby, well then, life becomes and remains a day-to day grind of only looking as far ahead as the next day's work.
  Being financially well-off isn't enough.  Being honest, honourable, and hard-working isn't enough.  Being both smart AND intelligent isn't enough.  Being into the outdoors big-time isn't enough.
  I can think of people that are one or more of the above, and can't find a woman that'll look past the superficiallity at the whole package. 
  As hard as it is to believe, ladies, guys don't just want to (or specifically) boink.  Some want nothing more than to hold your hand, to spend time with you, to watch TV with you, to keep a house for you, to do any number or type of outdoor activities with.
  But that's not enough.  Or too much to ask for.
  I'm on the... umpteenth singles site (at least fifteen).  So far, eharmony seems to be the best, not as popular as Lavalife but more honest and detailed.  And batting zero for twenty-two. Communication goes for a long time, but when it gets to career, or location, the anchor drops.
  Screw it.  :-\


>>>
Why am I single? With about 1,000,000 people in Edmonton and basically a 50/50 male/female ratio, that leaves about 500,000 women. Now you take away all the ones that are much too old & much too young leaving the ones aged about 20-35... that gives us about a 5th of the female population available.

Now we're at 100,000. With obesity on the rise, you can easily take away half that are simply too gross.  At 50,000 women, let's remove all the ones carrying baggage:  mental problems, bastard children, divorce, separation, and on and on and on.  Let's even try to be generous and say that only a quarter aren't screwed.  Now we're down to 12,500.  Now we remove all the ones that are simply unappealing to us.    They're just not the personality or looks or intelligence or habits or any of that stuff.  So we'll remove another 2/3 which assumes that of 1/3 of all these women, a guy will find to be good for him.  That's a big over-estimate.

So now we're at about 4,200.  Remove all the ones that don't find me attractive or "right for them".  Down to 1,050.  Now out of 1,050, we can easily assume that at least 90% of these attractive, appealing, smart, un-brainfu--ed women have already been taken by someone cuz they won't stay single long.

100 women now and we take away all the sluts, the lazy-ass couch potatoes, the spoiled brats, the lesbians, the ones with weirdo proclivities and ones that fit categories I can't think of right now.  Let's be generous and only chop that in half.  Now that leaves just under 50 women out there that are more or less fitting my criteria.

I don't work in an environment where I'll meet a bunch of women, I don't go out drinking or bar hopping & I'm not a student.  I also don't travel to all parts of the city or all places in those parts so even at 10% the odds are against me.  That means that 10% of remaining women that would work more or less perfect with me, that I will see, meet, be seen by in Edmonton are just waiting for me.  But that leaves 5 women & I'm not the only guy looking either.  So out of 5 women which really is a big over-estimate, there is one for me if I can be in the perfect place at the perfect time, when I'm looking for a girl & she's looking for a guy & we both have time and on and on and on.

And people wonder why I've given up on the whole concept.  At 1/100,000, I'd say it's a losing bet that I'll find "the right one". These numbers could be moved all over the place but it gives you a pretty good idea.


MCpl A.G.
        Love the Green Pyjamas

 

[beach_bum]

 
let's remove all the ones carrying baggage:   mental problems, ******* children, divorce, separation, and on and on and on.   Let's even try to be generous and say that only a quarter aren't screwed.  

Well, if you consider children, divorce and separation baggage that basically means they are screwed up and not to your liking, you are missing out on a large number, especially at your age.  Personally, I do not consider my child baggage, nor would I say that I am screwed up either.

 

[Roy Harding]

Well, if you consider children, divorce and separation baggage that basically means they are screwed up and not to your liking, you are missing out on a large number, especially at your age.   Personally, I do not consider my child baggage, nor would I say that I am screwed up either.

Looks like you can cross another one off your list, Redneck.  You'd better change your expectations "especially at your age"!!!

 

[mdh]

And people wonder why I've given up on the whole concept.  At 1/100,000, I'd say it's a losing bet that I'll find "the right one". These numbers could be moved all over the place but it gives you a pretty good idea.


  MCpl A.G.
        Love the Green Pyjamas

Family life on bases can be difficult. As a rule women want to have a career and because of the remoteness of many CF installations, it's not easy for women to achieve that ambition. Once they find out that they might have to live in Shilo, Petawawa or Gagetown, there is a distinct lack of enthusiasm for the military life.

 

[caper861]

I know this is old, but love just happens.  I think that is right, that if you do join some clubs with both sexs then you have a better chance in meeting a lady.  Get some of your married or involved friends to have you over for dinner and to invite a "friend" for you to meet.  That's how my mom meet her husband now.  I don't think clubs are the place to meet people myself.  When you go to a grocey store ask some woman about the products.  "I have some bad grass stains in a pairs of pants, and I have tried eveythng to get them out.  Do you think this will work?"  "I am having some friends over for a bbq and I was wondering if you may know how to cook eggplant?"  These are some ideas.  Sometimes you need to tell a little white lie to get a conversion going.  What about another military person who you see around, a cleark, cook, supply tech.?  Don't be shy, I met my husband out in the field when I asked him for a quarter to make a call and there were no phones around!  But he jumped 4 cots to get me that quarter and after we were together for a while we both told each other the truth, he wanted to talk to me but was to shy but once I talked to him, he said he was never going to give up.  Don't you give up either.  Look up some old friends you knew on last postings or past courses and plan a trip together.  Get a bunch of male and female friends together for a camping trip on the Sep long weekend.  If you can't find something to do to meet people then invent things to do.  One year, on a new posting, to meet people I had a "dateless" valentines party.  I not only met lots of people but ended up with a boyfriend and their where a few new couples.  I have never tried chat rooms for dating but maybe you could try that.  Keep your sprits up and remember that you usually don't find what you are looking for if you are to involved, take it easy and be open to new things.  Good luck.

 

[Brygun]

#1 Aspect in selecting a mate par none: proquintity (dang... thats not spelled right).

The term though means this: You have to meet them!

Things which increase the circle of contacts is going to give you better odds.

The other approach is to be sincere in developing social/dating skills. The various "Mars and Venus" books for instance have helped many. Go figure, men and women really are different.

In terms of things to do the tip from "Friends and Lovers, meeting those you want to meet" was to ask or work with those you do liike hanging out with to get more people involved. Sports, tv shows, whatever.

As one suggestion for a club try the SCA. www.sca.org is the website. Locations all over the world. A medieval recreating group there is a decent military population in it. Activities include camping as groups (200+ people) and armored combat... as in you wear armor, pickup a stick to swing as does the other folks. Rather than "re-enact" our group  "re-creates" meaning the outcome of duels or battles (sometimes 100s on a side) are based on live results. Wonderful club if you have any historic interests. A decent mix of male and female as well.

Either way start building a widening circle of people. Invite more peole over. Arrange more outings (not necessarily drinking). That and accepting relating to the significant other is a skill not a given will do you wonderfully.

 

[atticus]

Women look at certain things to gauge whether to approach you or accept an advance, subconciously in most cases, but they do. There are three that make you very approachable. Good looking shoes, a good looking belt and a good looking watch.

I've heard many many times that the first thing a woman looks at a guy for is his shoes. Also I'd suggest a church group or a bible study. The women in christian circles are something like 10 for every one guy.

 

[762gunner]

    I don't agree completely with what my buddy wrote.... it's obvious he has a chip on his shoulder (larger than mine).  But as for children being a negative, I love children (could never find the carrying handles on the babies, though).  I THINK what he meant is that with younger children, a single mom is pretty much permanently anchored to home.  Oh sure, the ocassional outing when you can find a babysitter, but extremely limiting as far as leaving home goes.
    Weekend outings?  Not without a carload of supplies.  No mid- to long-range hiking trips, backback trips, horsie-back riding for more than a few hours, overnighters in the wild beyond, foreign trips, sailing across the gorgeous ocean, adventure touring (unless you're stinkin' rich)...  Can't even go to the bar with the boys as a couple.
    Yup, I realize that with careful prep & planning, you can find basic facilities for children at major resorts only.  But you can't do everything.
    Everyone has some great suggestions.  But I see two problems.
    How the heck do ya meet someone that lives so far away that visiting them is a major annual undertaking?  Or even a major chunk of change for gas?  Is it worth it?
    All this stuff about clubs, organizations, taking dance lessons, etc. depends on that stuff being available in the same area.  When there are NONE of the aforementioned activities, that does leave the action plan a little thin.  And with dance lessons, you need to find someone to take them with, but if one wants to take dance lessons in order to meet someone... see where that is going?  Tried twice, but for some odd reason  everyone had brought their own dance partner.  How about that!
    Even small places has organizations like the Knights of Columbus for example, but again the odds of finding a compatible person are pretty much the same as winning the lottery.
    Yup, as far as my age goes, a couple of you are right.  Even if there WERE any available ladies where I am, my age does severely limit me to nothing.  I'm just terrified that by the time I leave here and post to a larger place, I really will be old and won't be interested in all the activities I try and pursue here.  Too many people look at the number as the age of the person and not at the condition of their soul or the life in their heart.
    And where does that leave me when retirement approaches?
    Pretty sure I'll be a grumpy, crotchety old fart.  I'm already halfway there, I've read that here a couple of times. 

 

[Zombie]

Get some of your married or involved friends to have you over for dinner and to invite a "friend" for you to meet.  

Ohhhh nooo...not this one...you get drunk (by design?), and then have to wake up, drive her home, apologize to your friends wife, and then go through it again. No thanks, from now on, keep it at larger parties where you have an out and not so drunk friends to keep you safe.

 

[NavComm]

I think the cooking classes is a great idea. Lots of women there. Also computer classes. And my all time best place I met very nice people of all ages was the Alpine Club of Canada. It's great for outdoor enthusiasts. If they have one in your area, check it out.

 

[bossi]

Having a good chuckle at this thread (but, laughing "with" - not "at"!!!)

I don't know the "magic formula", but I know how I get by from day to day ...
(and, of course - everybody's different, thus there isn't just one formula ...)

We know that animals can sense fear.
Equally, most people have genetic instincts honed by evolution
(the ones that don't are culled by Darwinian selection ...)
Thus, in the context of this thread, "desperation" give off a certain, undesirable signal.

On the other hand, confidence/self-satisfaction is a key attractor
(a simple example is this:  Why would ANYBODY want to hang around with a miserable person, when they could be enjoying the company of somebody else who's pleasant/cheerful/entertaining).

I'd also temper some of the friendly advice our buddies have contributed:
The suggestion of "getting out and active" is sound, but ... "ya gotta be you"
(i.e. as somebody else so astutely pointed out, honesty is also an attractor - thus, signing up for a course or hobby "that isn't you" ... has a good chance of running out of runway ...)

Do stuff you enjoy, and ... shazaam!!  You're more likely to meet people who enjoy the same stuff as you (hmmm ... which belies the adage "opposites attract" ... ha!)

And, as for recceguy's comments re: decent shoes and a watch ... again, ya gotta be you - the shoes have to be comfortable, and the watch affordable (... unless Selection and Maintenance of The Aim is "... to attract a gold-digger" ... hmmm ...)

If you're like my best man (and his adorable wife ...) wearing a Mickey Mouse watch isn't a death sentence - it just might be a "conversation starter", or a clue that you've got a sense of humour (true story - I just bought a tshirt that looks like an eye chart, and says "I see dumb people reading my tshirt" ... and I'm gobsmacked - women have actually walked up to me on the street, laughing, and told me they like my tshirt ... hmmm ... and the irony is - I didn't buy it to pick up chicks ... hmmm ... which just goes to show how little I know about this topic ... ha!)

Ruck up, soldier on, do what you love, and don't look back unless you want to retreat.
If you look like you're lost, who's going to follow you?

Know when to tune out. If you listen to too much advice, you may wind up making other people's mistakes.--Ann Landers

 

[Roy Harding]

Redneck:

I know I had a little fun at your expense in an earlier post - I hope you took it in the spirit intended.

Although I am not an expert in this matter (I've never been single in an isolated post; for that matter I haven't been single for a very long time) perhaps I can provide a little perspective on your conundrum.

Although I don't know exactly how old you are (despite my earlier crack) your profile says 18+ years of military experience.  So I'm guessing you're in your late 30's to mid 40's - if I'm wrong, it doesn't really affect what I'm going to say.

It seems to me that no matter WHERE you may be located geographically, it's where you are located mentally and emotionally that's more important.  It seems self evident that if you are "desperately seeking companionship" you'll only connect with others "desperately" seeking the same thing.  So, if you're hanging around in bars, you're only going to meet people who hang around in bars - not the best place to seek a mature relationship (I don't know about YOU, but I'm not usually at my "maturest" after a few beers.)  Likewise, on-line dating services (I've perused a few out of curiosity) SEEM to be filled with people who are desperately seeking relationships for all the wrong reasons.

It occurs to me that of the friends (as opposed to casual acquaintances) I have, I met most through indulging in mutually pleasurable activities, and THAT is the essence of what folks on this thread have been saying - get out to various "activities".  I would take it one step further - get involved in activities you enjoy BECAUSE you enjoy them, NOT for the sole purpose of "meeting a potential mate".  When you are enjoying yourself, you will attract the attention of people who not only enjoy the same activity, but will notice your enjoyment of it.  If you are participating in something solely for the purpose of "trolling", THAT will be noticed as well.  The plus side of indulging in activities you enjoy is that you will be ENJOYING yourself, not obsessing on meeting the "one".  If you DON'T meet the "one" you will still be enjoying yourself.

Now, I understand you're isolated.  I see you participating on this forum, I assume you are doing so because you enjoy it.  I also participate on the forums because I enjoy it.  I have met here some folks I'd very much like to meet in person, should circumstances ever permit.  And, should I end up meeting these folks, perhaps a friendship may evolve, I don't know - but I continue to enjoy myself.  There are other on-line activities just as serious as this one.  My particular hobby happens to be woodworking - I'm involved in a couple of woodworking forums (the GREAT ones have formats and rules very similar to this one, interestingly enough).  Like here, the threads often stray from their original intent and go off on wild tangents.  I've met some folks there that I'd ALSO like to meet in person, should that become convenient, and I'm equally sure some of them may become fast friends.  The possibilities are endless on the Internet.  I realize that you will not achieve your desired "end state" through on-line participation - the point is you'll be ENJOYING yourself.  I don't know exactly where you are, or exactly how isolated it is - but if it is possible to start a small group interested in something you enjoy then do it.  Doesn't matter if it's a computer club, or a carving group, or a knitting circle, as long as it's something YOU ENJOY.  Don't worry about whether there are female members or not, it doesn't matter - you'll be doing something you enjoy, with others who share your enthusiasm, and life will be better than you're portraying yours to be.  You won't be isolated FOREVER - it is entirely possible that contacts you might make either on-line or through some local activity will lead you to the "love of your life", but that remains a SECONDARY benefit to participation.

As far as age goes, that's a red herring.  Our society emphasizes youth far too much.  Trust me - a woman who shares your interests, and is your age is a MUCH better companion than "Barbie", no matter WHAT she may look like.  If you're 20, you'll find companionship amongst 20 year olds, if you're middle-aged - it is in THAT age group that you'll find companionship.  Where I work there are some beautiful young women - certainly easy on the eyes, I won't deny it.  BUT, I find even the most intelligent and mature of them to be lacking in world experience and actually quite boring to talk with.  I find myself adopting a "parental" attitude toward them.  On the other hand, I've met a wonderful woman who is also middle aged.  Guess who I've struck up a friendship with?  We have life experience in common, and enjoy speaking to each other about child rearing experiences, etcetera.  My wife and I have been over to her house, and her husband and she have been over to ours - we like each other, and find each other's life experiences fascinating.  She's a friend - not a possible "conquest".

I guess the bottom line of what I'm trying to say is this - the woman who eventually becomes your mate will first and foremost be your FRIEND, the rest will follow naturally.  Whether you meet "friends" on-line or in person is immaterial, as long as you are enjoying what you are doing.

It's a little "zennish", but it all boils down to this:  You will not find (or know!) what you seek until you stop seeking it.

Good luck to you Redneck.

 

[camochick]

  I'm young but i've had plenty of dating experiences to know that a positive attitude is everything. If everyday is a pity party for you no one is going to come your way because no one is attracted to negative energy. Just live your life, make some awesome friends, take trips, do whatever you like to do and if you are meant to meet someone then it will happen. Another thing, don't have a whole list of expectations for a mate. Some of the most amazing relationships i have had have been with people i never thought i would date (ie a divorced guy with two kids, not high on my list of choices when i was 22, but he is an incredible person). Dating isnt really that hard, just have a sense of humor about things, take some chances and be yourself.
    I still stand by online dating even though someone on here said it was full of desperate people. I have never been desperate. I use online dating because meeting people at bars doesnt work and my circle of friends is really small and close and everyone is paired off. I'm not single now but when i was, i had dates all the time from the internet. It was nothing to go on two or three a week. I say give it a try. Just be careful, like meeting strangers anywhere, > there are alot of weirdos on the internet.

 

[Roy Harding]

 ...
    I still stand by online dating even though someone on here said it was full of desperate people. I have never been desperate. I use online dating because meeting people at bars doesnt work and my circle of friends is really small and close and everyone is paired off. ...

...
Likewise, on-line dating services (I've perused a few out of curiosity) SEEM to be filled with people who are desperately seeking relationships for all the wrong reasons.
..

camochick:

Regarding on-line dating services.  No one (that I could see) said they were "full of desperate people", the closest quote I could find was my own, repeated above.

I have nothing against on-line dating services, and if it works for you, great - perhaps it will work for Redneck too.  In the meantime, as originally stated - to me, they SEEM full of people (not necessarily desperate) who are desperately seeking the wrong type of relationship.

Regards,

Retired CC

 

[camochick]

Ok so maybe i mis read what you wrote hehe, sorry bout that. I will agree there are alot of people on there looking for the wrong type of relationship. I have chatted online with some real desperate guys. One asked me if i wanted to get married soon, and how soon did i want kids cause he wanted them right away. I was like ummmmmm i'm like 24 , no babies for me yet hehe.
    I find that if you chat online with them for awhile, ask them all the right questions and then move to a phone conversation or two before the initial date you can usually weed out the weirdos. Like i said before, for anyone, male or female, be really careful who you meet in person. Make sure someone knows where you are and who you are with. Never tell them where you live or work. Meet them in a public place. Never get in a car with them. Trust your instincts, if someone is giving you the creeps then end the date and call a friend to come get you. Just some safety tips for the world of online dating.  >

 

[Sh0rtbUs]

try www.Plentyoffish.com

Its free, and theres some pretty interesting people there.