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I figured I’d throw this in Radio Chatter, since I have no idea where else to put it… so if it’s not in an appropriate spot, Mods, feel free to move or delete it.
Okay, so here’s some background on this story; for the past year or so, since returning to work, and due to my medical restrictions, I have been working as the unit recruiter for the Royal Highland Fusiliers of Canada. This isn’t a bad job, by any means, but like any other job, it has its days; good and bad… and they’re all long.
Part of my job as unit recruiter is to visit high schools and host class visits to the armoury, especially during the Co-op recruiting cycle… which has just fired up.
For those who don’t know; The Canadian Forces Primary Reserve, in co-operation with the local school boards, offers a program which gives high school students the opportunity to train and work for the Reserves while earning high school credits (and a pay check). So, to recruit for this program, the Brigade and unit recruiters for this area (Kitchener-Waterloo, Cambridge / RHFC and 31 CER) visit schools and host information sessions.
31 CBG and this areas Recruiters have kicked off this recruiting cycle for the Winter 2009 BMQ/SQ training season with a series of information sessions hosted at the local armouries (RHFC Cambridge and Kitchener). So, needless to say, it’s been a busy couple of weeks, and it doesn’t seem like its going to end any time soon.
Last Wednesday, we held our first information session in the Kitchener armoury… not a huge turn out, roughly 15 people or so, including parents and a couple of co-op teachers/coordinators… but it was 0900h and we weren’t expecting many people.
After that affair, I spent most of Thursday setting up for a school visit to the Cambridge Armoury, which went very well… but left me absolutely exhausted; 3 hours of standing on hard concrete… not very nice on my already sore back. But at least I had the weekend to recover.
This week has been equally busy, and it’s long from over. Today, we conducted two more info sessions for co-op; one in the morning, in Cambridge, and one in the evening in Kitchener. The morning session was a total bust; there were roughly 8 people in attendance, including a co-op coordinator from the Catholic school board and a parent… kinda disappointing for an area with 20 plus high schools. But, this evenings session more than made up for it; we had easily more than 40 parents, students and teachers in attendance… in the smaller of the two armouries… in a small class room. We used every available chair in the building and people were still standing. But, all in all, the session went very well.
My role in these sessions is very simple; I stand off to the side and answer questions about the infantry, the regiment, general recruiting, and occasionally, my experience in Afghanistan… The 31 CBG Recruiter conducts the presentation and answers questions about the Combat Engineers (his home unit). The hardest part of it, for me, is the standing around for hours, on hard floors… in Mk 3 combat boots with the hard soles. Tonight was especially painful, as I spent the morning standing, had 4 hours of “rest” (afternoon off), which I used to pack for the up coming 31 CBG exercise (EX Maple Storm 2.. my first field ex since coming home 2 years ago… yay). After packing, I spent an hour or so in physio getting “stretched out” (very painful series of PNF stretching, which make my back and legs feel slightly better for a while), then it was back to the Kitchener Armoury for another 2+ hours of standing… Needles to say, I’m writing this while lying on my back, jam-packed with pain killers… good times.
Anyway, as I said; good session… lots of interest from students, parents and teachers. Good turn out and lots of great, but standard questions about everything. We even managed to finish up slightly ahead of schedule.
But, this isn’t the point of the story; this is just the lead up to it…
There are times when I think back to my short stint in Afghanistan… lots of times actually… Usually when I look back, I think about the “not so good” times; TICs, friends lost and all the bad stuff that goes along with a combat tour. There are times when I think about the good stuff; the positive things we’ve done and the progress we’re making, but I didn’t really get to see a lot of that.
I have a few memories I will keep and cherish forever, which will always remind me of the “why”; e.g. Out at PB Wilson, we had some ANA with us. At dusk they would roll out a big mat, pull out had crafted instruments, play music, sing and dance. At first, we laughed and joked to our selves about this odd and outlandish display, but after a while, and with information from the interpreter, we realized just how much this singing and dancing really meant to them… this was their expression of freedom. This kind of singing and dancing, even at a wedding, would have landed them in a Taliban jail a few years ago. This was blatant defiance of Taliban law and it made me realize what they, and we, are fighting for.
There were a few other incidents in the short time I was there; some I have or will, at some point discuss and/or write about, and some that I will keep for myself… But all of them will stay with me.
Since coming home, I’ve had few reminders of my time there. Occasionally I’ll see a show or read an article about Afghanistan and it’ll take me back and make me appreciate the experience again, but these are minor reminders from second hand sources. Beyond that, there hasn’t been much else.
Even with these reminders and even with the memories, there are days when I think “was it all worth it?”… These are usually days when my back, legs and arm are incredibly sore, or days when my mind is in a dark place, and I consider weather or not I would make the same decision to go if I had it to make again… now knowing all the risks. And I think about weather or not our (Canada, NATO) contribution, or even my small contribution are worth the loss of life… the loss of friends… the injuries, both physical and mental. I consider all this especially when news of casualties comes home.
Really, to put it quite bluntly, I think about weather or not my experiences and my contribution was worth my injuries and the loss of friends… It’s very hard to weigh out… and on bad days, it really doesn’t seem worth it.
Today started as a “bad day” in the way of pain and my mind set… But does it seem “worth it” today? Yes… more so than any other time since I’ve been home.
Now, here’s why;
I was cleaning up the class room and packing up all the recruiting swag after the session. The majority of the guests were gone, save a few stragglers who stuck around to talk to the Brigade Recruiter and one of the Co-op teachers. I quietly worked away when the co-op teacher approached me with a man and his son in tow. I was expecting questions about recruiting, the course, the infantry, etc etc… I was not expecting what came of this conversation.
The teacher brought this man to me and said “I believe you would be interested in talking to Cpl. Pagnacco here. He was in Afghanistan and was injured.” And so on with my life story (yeah yeah… buy the book.) So, now I knew what was coming; This man wanted to talk about Afghanistan. So the teacher looks at me and says “This is Mr. *******, he is from Afghanistan.” So, I greeted the man with the customary “Assalam alaikum” and shook his hand. His response nearly brought me to tears; “Thank you… Thank you for wanting to help my country. Thank you.”
I didn’t know what to say. But that was okay, as I don’t think he wanted a reply.
He then told me about his former life in Afghanistan and how he and his family came to Canada. He told me about his brother who lives in Kandahar City, and how much he (brother) appreciates everything we’re doing to help. His brother told him that their quality of life in Kandahar was “better than it has ever been before.” And with the exception of the bombs and occasional attacks, life is good and prosperous. Changes are being made, Afghans are becoming more involved with the reconstruction of the cities infrastructure and the construction of new services and infrastructure and children are going to school, including his niece… Life is improving.
He shared with me his appreciation for our efforts by telling me how it was, back when the Taliban were in power, in comparison to how it is now…
I told him about my experiences and how they have stuck with me.
This was a wake up call for me. This changed my day. After this encounter, after packing up my gear, I sat in my car for a minute and pondered this experience.
I asked my self the same question; “Was it all worth it?”
Was it worth the pain in my back, legs and arm, which prevent me from doing anything physical and can even be bad enough to wake me from a sound sleep? Was it worth the dreams, nightmares and sleepless nights? Worth the mood swings and constant anger? Worth the loss of close friends?
I have to say, after this experience; Yes.
The pain will always be there, the dreams will keep me up and make me fear sleep, I will always feel angry and, sometimes, confused… I will always miss my lost brothers and I will never forget them… Nothing will change this. But knowing that this heavy price has helped bring change to people who so desperately need our help makes the pain seem dull, the sleepless nights seem short, the anger seem mild and helps me to understand and except more the loss of friends.
It’s amazing what a simple “thank you” can do.
Okay, so here’s some background on this story; for the past year or so, since returning to work, and due to my medical restrictions, I have been working as the unit recruiter for the Royal Highland Fusiliers of Canada. This isn’t a bad job, by any means, but like any other job, it has its days; good and bad… and they’re all long.
Part of my job as unit recruiter is to visit high schools and host class visits to the armoury, especially during the Co-op recruiting cycle… which has just fired up.
For those who don’t know; The Canadian Forces Primary Reserve, in co-operation with the local school boards, offers a program which gives high school students the opportunity to train and work for the Reserves while earning high school credits (and a pay check). So, to recruit for this program, the Brigade and unit recruiters for this area (Kitchener-Waterloo, Cambridge / RHFC and 31 CER) visit schools and host information sessions.
31 CBG and this areas Recruiters have kicked off this recruiting cycle for the Winter 2009 BMQ/SQ training season with a series of information sessions hosted at the local armouries (RHFC Cambridge and Kitchener). So, needless to say, it’s been a busy couple of weeks, and it doesn’t seem like its going to end any time soon.
Last Wednesday, we held our first information session in the Kitchener armoury… not a huge turn out, roughly 15 people or so, including parents and a couple of co-op teachers/coordinators… but it was 0900h and we weren’t expecting many people.
After that affair, I spent most of Thursday setting up for a school visit to the Cambridge Armoury, which went very well… but left me absolutely exhausted; 3 hours of standing on hard concrete… not very nice on my already sore back. But at least I had the weekend to recover.
This week has been equally busy, and it’s long from over. Today, we conducted two more info sessions for co-op; one in the morning, in Cambridge, and one in the evening in Kitchener. The morning session was a total bust; there were roughly 8 people in attendance, including a co-op coordinator from the Catholic school board and a parent… kinda disappointing for an area with 20 plus high schools. But, this evenings session more than made up for it; we had easily more than 40 parents, students and teachers in attendance… in the smaller of the two armouries… in a small class room. We used every available chair in the building and people were still standing. But, all in all, the session went very well.
My role in these sessions is very simple; I stand off to the side and answer questions about the infantry, the regiment, general recruiting, and occasionally, my experience in Afghanistan… The 31 CBG Recruiter conducts the presentation and answers questions about the Combat Engineers (his home unit). The hardest part of it, for me, is the standing around for hours, on hard floors… in Mk 3 combat boots with the hard soles. Tonight was especially painful, as I spent the morning standing, had 4 hours of “rest” (afternoon off), which I used to pack for the up coming 31 CBG exercise (EX Maple Storm 2.. my first field ex since coming home 2 years ago… yay). After packing, I spent an hour or so in physio getting “stretched out” (very painful series of PNF stretching, which make my back and legs feel slightly better for a while), then it was back to the Kitchener Armoury for another 2+ hours of standing… Needles to say, I’m writing this while lying on my back, jam-packed with pain killers… good times.
Anyway, as I said; good session… lots of interest from students, parents and teachers. Good turn out and lots of great, but standard questions about everything. We even managed to finish up slightly ahead of schedule.
But, this isn’t the point of the story; this is just the lead up to it…
There are times when I think back to my short stint in Afghanistan… lots of times actually… Usually when I look back, I think about the “not so good” times; TICs, friends lost and all the bad stuff that goes along with a combat tour. There are times when I think about the good stuff; the positive things we’ve done and the progress we’re making, but I didn’t really get to see a lot of that.
I have a few memories I will keep and cherish forever, which will always remind me of the “why”; e.g. Out at PB Wilson, we had some ANA with us. At dusk they would roll out a big mat, pull out had crafted instruments, play music, sing and dance. At first, we laughed and joked to our selves about this odd and outlandish display, but after a while, and with information from the interpreter, we realized just how much this singing and dancing really meant to them… this was their expression of freedom. This kind of singing and dancing, even at a wedding, would have landed them in a Taliban jail a few years ago. This was blatant defiance of Taliban law and it made me realize what they, and we, are fighting for.
There were a few other incidents in the short time I was there; some I have or will, at some point discuss and/or write about, and some that I will keep for myself… But all of them will stay with me.
Since coming home, I’ve had few reminders of my time there. Occasionally I’ll see a show or read an article about Afghanistan and it’ll take me back and make me appreciate the experience again, but these are minor reminders from second hand sources. Beyond that, there hasn’t been much else.
Even with these reminders and even with the memories, there are days when I think “was it all worth it?”… These are usually days when my back, legs and arm are incredibly sore, or days when my mind is in a dark place, and I consider weather or not I would make the same decision to go if I had it to make again… now knowing all the risks. And I think about weather or not our (Canada, NATO) contribution, or even my small contribution are worth the loss of life… the loss of friends… the injuries, both physical and mental. I consider all this especially when news of casualties comes home.
Really, to put it quite bluntly, I think about weather or not my experiences and my contribution was worth my injuries and the loss of friends… It’s very hard to weigh out… and on bad days, it really doesn’t seem worth it.
Today started as a “bad day” in the way of pain and my mind set… But does it seem “worth it” today? Yes… more so than any other time since I’ve been home.
Now, here’s why;
I was cleaning up the class room and packing up all the recruiting swag after the session. The majority of the guests were gone, save a few stragglers who stuck around to talk to the Brigade Recruiter and one of the Co-op teachers. I quietly worked away when the co-op teacher approached me with a man and his son in tow. I was expecting questions about recruiting, the course, the infantry, etc etc… I was not expecting what came of this conversation.
The teacher brought this man to me and said “I believe you would be interested in talking to Cpl. Pagnacco here. He was in Afghanistan and was injured.” And so on with my life story (yeah yeah… buy the book.) So, now I knew what was coming; This man wanted to talk about Afghanistan. So the teacher looks at me and says “This is Mr. *******, he is from Afghanistan.” So, I greeted the man with the customary “Assalam alaikum” and shook his hand. His response nearly brought me to tears; “Thank you… Thank you for wanting to help my country. Thank you.”
I didn’t know what to say. But that was okay, as I don’t think he wanted a reply.
He then told me about his former life in Afghanistan and how he and his family came to Canada. He told me about his brother who lives in Kandahar City, and how much he (brother) appreciates everything we’re doing to help. His brother told him that their quality of life in Kandahar was “better than it has ever been before.” And with the exception of the bombs and occasional attacks, life is good and prosperous. Changes are being made, Afghans are becoming more involved with the reconstruction of the cities infrastructure and the construction of new services and infrastructure and children are going to school, including his niece… Life is improving.
He shared with me his appreciation for our efforts by telling me how it was, back when the Taliban were in power, in comparison to how it is now…
I told him about my experiences and how they have stuck with me.
This was a wake up call for me. This changed my day. After this encounter, after packing up my gear, I sat in my car for a minute and pondered this experience.
I asked my self the same question; “Was it all worth it?”
Was it worth the pain in my back, legs and arm, which prevent me from doing anything physical and can even be bad enough to wake me from a sound sleep? Was it worth the dreams, nightmares and sleepless nights? Worth the mood swings and constant anger? Worth the loss of close friends?
I have to say, after this experience; Yes.
The pain will always be there, the dreams will keep me up and make me fear sleep, I will always feel angry and, sometimes, confused… I will always miss my lost brothers and I will never forget them… Nothing will change this. But knowing that this heavy price has helped bring change to people who so desperately need our help makes the pain seem dull, the sleepless nights seem short, the anger seem mild and helps me to understand and except more the loss of friends.
It’s amazing what a simple “thank you” can do.
