A Collection Of Army.ca Humour - including SKIPPY'S DAMN LIST AGAIN!!
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 210
Speaking of watering plants, a friend of mine was in the Guyanese army a while back and told me a story about a private that had the responsibility of watering the Col's personal garden. Everyday at precisely 6:30 Am he would go out with the hose and do his thing. One morning his SGT MAJ caught him racked out at 6:30 and demanded an answer. "But it's raining SGT MAJ"..." Well than put on your poncho that's why it was issued to you private!!!!!!"
AmmoTech90
Army.ca Veteran
- Reaction score
- 843
- Points
- 1,010
People have probably seen this before, but I just got a Canadianized version (all in fun):
Jump Coy: Kills the snake. Carries on.
Armor: Runs over the snake, giggles and looks for more snakes.
Infantry (RCR): "Look a putty cat. Come here kitty. Ouch! Hey that's not a kitty cat."
Infantry (R 22e R): "Tabarnack! Me see snake. Me like snake.Ouch! Me no like snake".
Infantry (PPCLI): Plays with the snake, then eats it.
Artillery (1 RCHA): Kills the snake, but in the process, kills several hundred civilians with a massive time-on-target with three artillery brigades in support. Mission is considered a
success, and all participants are awarded Orders of Military Merit (including cooks, mechanics, clerks, etc.)
SAR: Lands on and wounds the snake on arrival, then feverishly works to save the snake's life.
JTF 2:Expends all ammunition and several grenades and calls for a tactical airstrike in a failed attempt to kill the snake. Snake bites the JTF 2 Commander and retreats to safety.
Canadian Ranger: Follows the snake and gets lost.
Sea King Pilot: Has GPS grid to snake. Can't find snake. Has engine failure and barely makes it back to base. Goes to the Officer's Mess for some sort of drink called "The Snake."
Military Intelligence: "Snake? What? Where? Huh? What's a snake?"
Military Police: Arrests the snake, then spends two hours trying to handcuff it. Snake escapes. MP eats doughnuts.
PAO: Sees the snake 200 metres away. Writes an in-depth article in "Maple Leaf" on snakes. Minister of National Defence reads the article and states that "Canadian Forces are better equipped to deal with snakes than they were in the Gulf War." Then he cuts the military budget another 50% and gives large pay increases to senior officers.
Ammo Tech: Sees the snake. Considers how much paperwork would be required to issue ammo for the Infantry to kill the snake, then the heartache involved in getting them to return their brass and re-clip the rounds. Decides to keep the snake as a pet, and calls it Darryl.
RMS Clerk: Sees the snake and studiously ignores it until it looks like another clerk is going to try to help it. An argument then breaks out involving each clerk's interpretation of the snake's entitlements, the snake's eyes glaze over and it wanders away.
Jump Coy: Kills the snake. Carries on.
Armor: Runs over the snake, giggles and looks for more snakes.
Infantry (RCR): "Look a putty cat. Come here kitty. Ouch! Hey that's not a kitty cat."
Infantry (R 22e R): "Tabarnack! Me see snake. Me like snake.Ouch! Me no like snake".
Infantry (PPCLI): Plays with the snake, then eats it.
Artillery (1 RCHA): Kills the snake, but in the process, kills several hundred civilians with a massive time-on-target with three artillery brigades in support. Mission is considered a
success, and all participants are awarded Orders of Military Merit (including cooks, mechanics, clerks, etc.)
SAR: Lands on and wounds the snake on arrival, then feverishly works to save the snake's life.
JTF 2:Expends all ammunition and several grenades and calls for a tactical airstrike in a failed attempt to kill the snake. Snake bites the JTF 2 Commander and retreats to safety.
Canadian Ranger: Follows the snake and gets lost.
Sea King Pilot: Has GPS grid to snake. Can't find snake. Has engine failure and barely makes it back to base. Goes to the Officer's Mess for some sort of drink called "The Snake."
Military Intelligence: "Snake? What? Where? Huh? What's a snake?"
Military Police: Arrests the snake, then spends two hours trying to handcuff it. Snake escapes. MP eats doughnuts.
PAO: Sees the snake 200 metres away. Writes an in-depth article in "Maple Leaf" on snakes. Minister of National Defence reads the article and states that "Canadian Forces are better equipped to deal with snakes than they were in the Gulf War." Then he cuts the military budget another 50% and gives large pay increases to senior officers.
Ammo Tech: Sees the snake. Considers how much paperwork would be required to issue ammo for the Infantry to kill the snake, then the heartache involved in getting them to return their brass and re-clip the rounds. Decides to keep the snake as a pet, and calls it Darryl.
RMS Clerk: Sees the snake and studiously ignores it until it looks like another clerk is going to try to help it. An argument then breaks out involving each clerk's interpretation of the snake's entitlements, the snake's eyes glaze over and it wanders away.
- Reaction score
- 265
- Points
- 980
How about this oft told story:
A man arrives at the Guardhouse of the base demanding to see the Base Commander. The RSM for the local Infantry Bn just happens to be walking by and takes notice of this man's irate condition and asks him what's wrong. The man says that there is a soldier on the base who has gotten this man's daughter pregnant and now her father is searching him out to ensure that he does the right thing. The RSM, being old school, starts escorting the man up to the Infantry Barracks as he believes that this troop should be found and held accountable. He says to the girls father, "You just tell me the boy's name and I will have him summoned immediately!"
The father replies, "The no good SOB is named Carl Gustav.............."
GROOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAANNNN
You can blame coyote for this one, his post about the BFA for the Carl G planted the seed.
Cheers
A man arrives at the Guardhouse of the base demanding to see the Base Commander. The RSM for the local Infantry Bn just happens to be walking by and takes notice of this man's irate condition and asks him what's wrong. The man says that there is a soldier on the base who has gotten this man's daughter pregnant and now her father is searching him out to ensure that he does the right thing. The RSM, being old school, starts escorting the man up to the Infantry Barracks as he believes that this troop should be found and held accountable. He says to the girls father, "You just tell me the boy's name and I will have him summoned immediately!"
The father replies, "The no good SOB is named Carl Gustav.............."
GROOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAANNNN
You can blame coyote for this one, his post about the BFA for the Carl G planted the seed.
Cheers
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 160
How about a Navy joke.
A sailor returns to his ship and sees this young lady standing on the dock, she is crying and wailing and shouting that life is not worth living. Fearing that the young lady was about to take her life by jumping into the harbour he went over to her and attempted to comfort her. He said that he would smuggle her aboard his ship and look after her until they reached a port where he could jump ship and they would live happily everafter. He stowed her aboard his ship in a lifeboat and brought her meals every day and made love to her every night.
On the first Friday during the Captain's inspection she was discovered. The Captain asked for an explanation and she told the story about one of his sailors smugling her aboard and feeding her and he is screwing me. The Captain replied "he is screwing you more than you realize this is the Toronto Island Ferry."
Pa Boom
A sailor returns to his ship and sees this young lady standing on the dock, she is crying and wailing and shouting that life is not worth living. Fearing that the young lady was about to take her life by jumping into the harbour he went over to her and attempted to comfort her. He said that he would smuggle her aboard his ship and look after her until they reached a port where he could jump ship and they would live happily everafter. He stowed her aboard his ship in a lifeboat and brought her meals every day and made love to her every night.
On the first Friday during the Captain's inspection she was discovered. The Captain asked for an explanation and she told the story about one of his sailors smugling her aboard and feeding her and he is screwing me. The Captain replied "he is screwing you more than you realize this is the Toronto Island Ferry."
Pa Boom
Michael Dorosh
Army.ca Veteran
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 410
Coyote43D said:Spr.Earl said:Well Frank you can go to small stores and ask for 100m of shore line or we have lost our bubble for the level and can I get a new one.Frank in Vancouver said:
Or ask Ex Dragoon for a bucket of steam.
Spr Earl,
don't forget the box of grid squares and the BFA for the Carl G
Before or after he paints the Last Post?
With tartan paint?
Here is a true story from the trenches - Robert Graves tells this one in his book GOODBYE TO ALL THAT. He was a subaltern in the Royal Welch Fusiliers in World War One.
Two Welshmen come staggering into the company command post one night and report to the OC.
"Sir, we beg to report we just shot our platoon sergeant!"
"You two fools, did you mistake him for the enemy?"
"No sir, we mistook him for the company sergeant major!"
They died gloriously when they were shot at dawn after the trial.....
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 210
Danjanou said:
Continuing the fine Canadian tradition of utilizing one's experience after the Military, our Cpl. Gustav (since promoted to B.Gen for populating the countryside) now works with the gun registry where he can continue his screwing ways and still manage to get away clean.
I believe the burrowingcrats have taken one from the battalions...auditor Shelia Fraser's inquiries will be met with many roads leading to 'Carl' as he slips into the thin Quebec air and disappears.
Quite a nice story of post military success I think.
:-*
- Reaction score
- 1
- Points
- 430
http://www.strategypage.com/humor/articles/20020524.asp
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 410
Rules of Combat
USMC
1. Bring a weapon. Preferably, bring at least two. Bring all of your friends who have weapons. Bring their friends who have weapons.
2. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
3. Only hits count. Close doesn't count. The only thing worse than a miss is a slow miss.
4. If your shooting stance is good, you're probably not moving fast enough, nor using cover correctly.
5. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral and diagonal movement are preferred.)
6. If you can choose what to bring to a gunfight, bring a big weapon and a friend with a big weapon.
7. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived and who didn't.
8. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating, reloading, and running.
9. Accuracy is relative: most combat shooting is more dependent on "pucker factor" than the inherent accuracy of the weapon.
10. Use a weaponthat works EVERY TIME. "All skill is in vain when an Angel pisses in the flintlock of your musket."
11. Someday someone may kill you with your own weapon, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.
12. In combat, there are no rules, always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
13. Have a plan.
14. Have a back-up plan, because the first one won't work.
15. Use cover or concealment as much as possible. The visible target should be in FRONT of YOUR weapon.
16. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
17. Don't drop your guard.
18. Always tactical load and threat scan 360 degrees.
19. Watch their hands. Hands kill. (In God we trust. Everyone else, keep your hands where I can see them).
20. Decide to be aggressive ENOUGH, quickly ENOUGH.
21. The faster you finish the fight, the less shot you will get.
22. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
23. Be polite. Be professional. But have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
24. Your number one Option for Personal Security is a lifelong commitment to avoidance, deterrence, and de-escalation.
25. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun, the caliber of which does not start with a ".4."
Army
1. See USMC Rules for combat
2. Add 60 to 90 days
3. Hope the Marines already destroyed all meaningful resistance
Navy
1. Spend three weeks getting somewhere
2. Adopt an aggressive offshore posture
3. Send in the Marines
4. Drink Coffee
5. Bring back the Marines
Air Force
1. Kiss the spouse good-bye
2. Drive to the flight line
3. Fly to target area, drop bombs, fly back.
4. Pop in at the club for a couple with the guys
5. Go home, BBQ some burgers and drink some more beer
USMC
1. Bring a weapon. Preferably, bring at least two. Bring all of your friends who have weapons. Bring their friends who have weapons.
2. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
3. Only hits count. Close doesn't count. The only thing worse than a miss is a slow miss.
4. If your shooting stance is good, you're probably not moving fast enough, nor using cover correctly.
5. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral and diagonal movement are preferred.)
6. If you can choose what to bring to a gunfight, bring a big weapon and a friend with a big weapon.
7. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived and who didn't.
8. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating, reloading, and running.
9. Accuracy is relative: most combat shooting is more dependent on "pucker factor" than the inherent accuracy of the weapon.
10. Use a weaponthat works EVERY TIME. "All skill is in vain when an Angel pisses in the flintlock of your musket."
11. Someday someone may kill you with your own weapon, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.
12. In combat, there are no rules, always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
13. Have a plan.
14. Have a back-up plan, because the first one won't work.
15. Use cover or concealment as much as possible. The visible target should be in FRONT of YOUR weapon.
16. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
17. Don't drop your guard.
18. Always tactical load and threat scan 360 degrees.
19. Watch their hands. Hands kill. (In God we trust. Everyone else, keep your hands where I can see them).
20. Decide to be aggressive ENOUGH, quickly ENOUGH.
21. The faster you finish the fight, the less shot you will get.
22. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
23. Be polite. Be professional. But have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
24. Your number one Option for Personal Security is a lifelong commitment to avoidance, deterrence, and de-escalation.
25. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun, the caliber of which does not start with a ".4."
Army
1. See USMC Rules for combat
2. Add 60 to 90 days
3. Hope the Marines already destroyed all meaningful resistance
Navy
1. Spend three weeks getting somewhere
2. Adopt an aggressive offshore posture
3. Send in the Marines
4. Drink Coffee
5. Bring back the Marines
Air Force
1. Kiss the spouse good-bye
2. Drive to the flight line
3. Fly to target area, drop bombs, fly back.
4. Pop in at the club for a couple with the guys
5. Go home, BBQ some burgers and drink some more beer
I found this one online:
_________________________________
Rejected U.S. Army Recruiting Slogans
"Kill All That You Can Kill"
"Shower With Men"
"Knock Up Foreign Broads"
"All The Grits You Can Eat"
"Be A Flame Thrower, Not A Flame Broiler"
"Purple Hearts = Free Beers At Hooters"
"Whimsical And Human, Just Like M*A*S*H"
"Cubicles Are For Wusses"
"Napalm Means Serious BBQ"
"Over 1,000,000 Sheared, Beaten, And Worked Into A Sub-Human Fury!"
"Totally Beefcake and Proud of It"
"Beat Up Sailors"
"We Won''''t Screw Your Mind Up As Bad As The Marines Will"
"Kicking Nazi Tail Since 1942"
"Don''t Ask, Don''t Tell, Don''t Accessorize"
?Risk Your Life for Freedoms No One Appreciates!"
"Play Doom? For Real!"
"Sure Beats Lurnin''''!"
"Because Terminators Are Real
_________________________________
Rejected U.S. Army Recruiting Slogans
"Kill All That You Can Kill"
"Shower With Men"
"Knock Up Foreign Broads"
"All The Grits You Can Eat"
"Be A Flame Thrower, Not A Flame Broiler"
"Purple Hearts = Free Beers At Hooters"
"Whimsical And Human, Just Like M*A*S*H"
"Cubicles Are For Wusses"
"Napalm Means Serious BBQ"
"Over 1,000,000 Sheared, Beaten, And Worked Into A Sub-Human Fury!"
"Totally Beefcake and Proud of It"
"Beat Up Sailors"
"We Won''''t Screw Your Mind Up As Bad As The Marines Will"
"Kicking Nazi Tail Since 1942"
"Don''t Ask, Don''t Tell, Don''t Accessorize"
?Risk Your Life for Freedoms No One Appreciates!"
"Play Doom? For Real!"
"Sure Beats Lurnin''''!"
"Because Terminators Are Real
S
Spc_Cameron
Guest
Shoe Shiner
A little boy was standing in front of a mirror in the restroom at John F. Kennedy Airport, when in walked a Marine staff sergeant, dressed in his dress blues. The little boy turned to the Marine and said, "Wow! Are you a Marine?"
The Marine replied, "Why, yes I am, young man. Would you like to wear my hat?"
"Boy, would I!," said the little boy. He took the hat and placed it on his head and turned to admire himself in the mirror.
As he was looking in the mirror, he heard the door open and through a ray of bright light, a man entered the room. But, this was not just a man -- he was more than a man. He was an Airborne Ranger.
The little boy turned and went over to the soldier. As he approached him, he could see the reflection in his boots. His eyes widened as he stared up at the soldier's chest full of medals and combat ribbons. He tried to speak, but he couldn't. Finally, he took a deep breath, and managed to say, "Excuse me, Sir. Are you an Airborne Ranger?"
The Ranger replied with a thunderous voice, "Why yes, I am!! Would you like to shine my boots?"
The little boy smiled, and said, "Oh, no sir!! I'm not a Marine. I'm just wearing his hat!"
A little boy was standing in front of a mirror in the restroom at John F. Kennedy Airport, when in walked a Marine staff sergeant, dressed in his dress blues. The little boy turned to the Marine and said, "Wow! Are you a Marine?"
The Marine replied, "Why, yes I am, young man. Would you like to wear my hat?"
"Boy, would I!," said the little boy. He took the hat and placed it on his head and turned to admire himself in the mirror.
As he was looking in the mirror, he heard the door open and through a ray of bright light, a man entered the room. But, this was not just a man -- he was more than a man. He was an Airborne Ranger.
The little boy turned and went over to the soldier. As he approached him, he could see the reflection in his boots. His eyes widened as he stared up at the soldier's chest full of medals and combat ribbons. He tried to speak, but he couldn't. Finally, he took a deep breath, and managed to say, "Excuse me, Sir. Are you an Airborne Ranger?"
The Ranger replied with a thunderous voice, "Why yes, I am!! Would you like to shine my boots?"
The little boy smiled, and said, "Oh, no sir!! I'm not a Marine. I'm just wearing his hat!"
Gunner
Army.ca Veteran
- Reaction score
- 11
- Points
- 430
A classic with an Athena twist!
A new Captain was assigned to recce squadron located at Camp Julien in Kabul Afghanistan. During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asks the Squadron Sergeant Major (SSM) why the camel is kept there.
"Well, sir," is the nervous reply, "as you know, there are 250 men here and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have .m-m-m.... urges. That's why we have the camel, sir." The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay."
About a month later, the Captain starts having a real problem with his own urges. Crazy with passion, he asks the SSM to bring the camel to
his tent. Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stands on it, pulls down his pants, and has wild, insane sex with the camel.
When he is done, he wipes the sweat from his brow and asks the SSM, "Is that how the men do it?"
"Uh, no sir," the SSM replies, "they just ride the camel into town where the girls are.
A new Captain was assigned to recce squadron located at Camp Julien in Kabul Afghanistan. During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asks the Squadron Sergeant Major (SSM) why the camel is kept there.
"Well, sir," is the nervous reply, "as you know, there are 250 men here and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have .m-m-m.... urges. That's why we have the camel, sir." The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay."
About a month later, the Captain starts having a real problem with his own urges. Crazy with passion, he asks the SSM to bring the camel to
his tent. Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stands on it, pulls down his pants, and has wild, insane sex with the camel.
When he is done, he wipes the sweat from his brow and asks the SSM, "Is that how the men do it?"
"Uh, no sir," the SSM replies, "they just ride the camel into town where the girls are.
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 210
Several Generals from member countries were about to attend a UN Security Council sub committee meeting in Johannesburg. The passengers on a particular flight were two American Generals and a female secretary, two French Generals and a female secretary, two Greek Generals and a female secretary, and finally, two Canadian Generals with their female secretary.
After developing engine trouble, the pilot decides to send a mayday and attempt an emergency landing in a small clearing he has spotted in the jungle. The pilot manages to bring the aircraft down mostly intact, but sadly loses his life in the process so the only survivors are the passengers.
Shaken, the passengers decide after conferencing, to each strike out on their own to attempt to find rescue.
Realizing that the jungle trek is bound to be long and taxing on resources, the teams shake out as follows:
The two American Generals look at each other, look at the secretary, then proceed to beat the crap out of one another until one is unconscious. The winner then grabs the hand of the secretary, then they head out into the jungle.
The two Greek Generals look at each other, look at the secretary, then proceed to beat the crap out of the secretary, join hands and head out into the jungle.
The two French Generals look at each other, look at the secretary, then all three join hands and head out into the jungle.
The two Canadian Generals are still there waiting to hear from the Command and Control Oversight Committee at NDHQ.
After developing engine trouble, the pilot decides to send a mayday and attempt an emergency landing in a small clearing he has spotted in the jungle. The pilot manages to bring the aircraft down mostly intact, but sadly loses his life in the process so the only survivors are the passengers.
Shaken, the passengers decide after conferencing, to each strike out on their own to attempt to find rescue.
Realizing that the jungle trek is bound to be long and taxing on resources, the teams shake out as follows:
The two American Generals look at each other, look at the secretary, then proceed to beat the crap out of one another until one is unconscious. The winner then grabs the hand of the secretary, then they head out into the jungle.
The two Greek Generals look at each other, look at the secretary, then proceed to beat the crap out of the secretary, join hands and head out into the jungle.
The two French Generals look at each other, look at the secretary, then all three join hands and head out into the jungle.
The two Canadian Generals are still there waiting to hear from the Command and Control Oversight Committee at NDHQ.
- Reaction score
- 5,554
- Points
- 1,360
Captain Bravado
Once upon a time, there was an officer of the Royal Navy named Captain Bravado who showed no fear when facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the Seven Seas, his lookout spotted a pirate ship approaching, and the crew became frantic.
Captain Bravado bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!"
The first mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, and while wearing the brightly colored frock, the Captain led his crew into battle and defeated the mighty pirates. That evening, all the men sat around on deck recounting the triumph of earlier. One of them asked the Captain,
"Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before battle?"
The Captain replied, "If I were to be wounded in the attack, the shirt would not show my blood. Thus, you men would continue to fight, unafraid."
All of the men sat and marveled at the courage of such a manly man's man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirate ships approaching. The crew stared in worshipful silence at the Captain and waited for his usual orders.
Captain Bravado gazed with steely eyes upon the vast armada arrayed against his ship, and without fear, turned and calmly shouted,
"Get me my brown pants."
Once upon a time, there was an officer of the Royal Navy named Captain Bravado who showed no fear when facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the Seven Seas, his lookout spotted a pirate ship approaching, and the crew became frantic.
Captain Bravado bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!"
The first mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, and while wearing the brightly colored frock, the Captain led his crew into battle and defeated the mighty pirates. That evening, all the men sat around on deck recounting the triumph of earlier. One of them asked the Captain,
"Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before battle?"
The Captain replied, "If I were to be wounded in the attack, the shirt would not show my blood. Thus, you men would continue to fight, unafraid."
All of the men sat and marveled at the courage of such a manly man's man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirate ships approaching. The crew stared in worshipful silence at the Captain and waited for his usual orders.
Captain Bravado gazed with steely eyes upon the vast armada arrayed against his ship, and without fear, turned and calmly shouted,
"Get me my brown pants."
G
Great Harveney
Guest
I had a MCpl on my BMQ who would always inspect us and once in a while when he cought somthing wrong with somone hed always say "Dont just stand there un **** yourslef". Always got me in trouble for laughing.
-
Great Harveney
-
Great Harveney
- Reaction score
- 6
- Points
- 430
Here's a little joke that made me laugh, hopefully it will do the same for you.
An Irishman, an English soldier, and an attractive young french woman were riding a train through the Irish countryside.
After entering a tunnel, with the train car becoming dark for a few minutes, there were several kissing sounds, each followed by a slapping noise.
After emerging from the other side, the soldier, rubbing his now reddened face thought to himself that the Irishman must have kissed the young woman, and she must have slapped him instead.
The young woman thought to herself that the soldier must have tried to kiss her, but ended up accidentally kissing the Irishman instead.
The Irishman thought it was great, because all he had to do was kiss the back of his hand, and he could slap the soldier all day long.
An Irishman, an English soldier, and an attractive young french woman were riding a train through the Irish countryside.
After entering a tunnel, with the train car becoming dark for a few minutes, there were several kissing sounds, each followed by a slapping noise.
After emerging from the other side, the soldier, rubbing his now reddened face thought to himself that the Irishman must have kissed the young woman, and she must have slapped him instead.
The young woman thought to herself that the soldier must have tried to kiss her, but ended up accidentally kissing the Irishman instead.
The Irishman thought it was great, because all he had to do was kiss the back of his hand, and he could slap the soldier all day long.
