Relationships

[Gunner]

Ok, I probably could have asked this at the recruiting center but didn't want to seem foolish or weird asking. I want to join the reserves very badly to for two reason's to speed up my Police career and to prove to myself that I can do it. Though I have this girlfriend that I have had for 3 years and she just keeps saying "your going to lose your legs", "your going to go over seas and die"

How can I show her that this isn't how it is and that things aren't like the war in Iraq. She also believes that I will be forced over seas and no matter what I will die over there. What are all the pluses to the lifestyle as well as the minuses. And for all the guys who have wives and girlfriends, what have you done to calm them down and help them cope with a job that could possibly kill me.

Thanks again
Ryan

Ryan,

I won't be as kind as Elsiha because your girlfriend is being irrational.

I am sure the recruiter told you that, as a reservist, you cannot be compelled to serve domestically or internatinoally without your consent baring an order in council.  One of the amateur lawyers can confirm this, but I believe, you cannot even be forced overseas through the order in council.  If she is still hysterical, take her down to the recruiter with you and ask the nice man or woman to explain what the obligations for service are to her. 

If discussing the situation with a recruiter doesn't work, you may want to consider chalking up three years to experience and dumping her.  You stated you wanted a police career.  What are you going to do when she doesn't want you "walk the beat" because cops are getting shot/stabbed/etc by the bad guys?

My advice, drop her if she is not more supportive after being together for 3 years and move on to adulthood. It will probably be good for both of you.

Cheers,

 

[GO!!!]

My advice, drop her is she is not more supportive after being together for 3 years and move on to adulthood. It will probably be good for both of you.

As much as it pains me to agree with gunner, he is right on this one.

As a reservist, no one can make you do anything here in Canada, never mind overseas. Most reservists (and regular force guys, for that matter) really have to try to get themselves deployed overseas. It does not just happen.

Your girlfriend is being immature, unrealistic, and sounds like she cannot deal with seperation. Don't be the 40 year old sitting there in 20 years saying "I wish I'd done that, but Suzy could'nt handle it..."

Find a girl that is all grown up. Police departments these days are also not keen to hire people whose personal lives appear to be in a state of flux.

 

[Gunner]

As much as it pains me to agree with gunner, he is right on this one.

Young padawan, I'm always right. 

 

[Elisha]

Oh, I was just trying to be positive for him!  You definatly do not want to be always worry what your significant other is thinking all the time...sometimes its just part of the job...

People I know that have been injured, both pysically and mentally all tell me the same thing...its just part of the job and they would not do anything different...

 

[Teddy Ruxpin]

Not so quick, Jedi Master:

I believe, you cannot even be forced overseas through the order in council.

Not true.  An Order-in-Council can activate the Reserve and place it on full-time status, essentially the same as the Regular Force - with all that means.

 

[Gunner]

Not so quick, Jedi Master:
Not true.  An Order-in-Council can activate the Reserve and place it on full-time status, essentially the same as the Regular Force - with all that means.

Master Teddy, my caveat!

One of the amateur lawyers can confirm this, but I believe, you cannot even be forced overseas through the order in council.

To be honest, I seem to recall a QL2 lesson, in the back of my mind, that stated that you could be called up but couldn't be forced to serve overseas....maybe its old age and too many Star Wars movies in my parents basement...

Jedi Master Gunner Windu (let's face, he was the coolest).

 

[Redneck052]

Honestly....first and foremost is this the sort of question that you and your boyfriend want or need the world to know. Second is you have to ask yourself is how solid is the relationship is based on.  If the foundation that your relationship is built, for example there is an underlining mistrust, you are wondering what he is doing when he is away from you, then your relationship HAS NO HOPE.

YES there are still shack rats, YES there are women that will sleep with men in uniform for kicks, YES there are men in uniform that will sleep with anything in a skirt for kicks.  But unfortuantly, that is the nature of the beast, and that will never change.  Is that your man, is that anyones man that any question about their relationship out their? 

Living the barracks, courses, tours, going on the road is TD. TEMPORARY DUTY! Temporary meaning for a short period of time, if you weather the storm now the relationship will be twice as strong later, if you question him everytime he calls at midnight rather then 2300 hrs, then sweetheart, pack up your things.

My wife and I dated while I was in a unit where I was deployed periodically throughout the year, for a total of 200+ days, we did that for over a year.  I "lived in hotels and lived like a rock-star" she once said.  After getting posted, we moved to our new city, and I found myself back on the road 220+ days and "still living like a rock star in hotels" as she said.  But now I am home.  But my wife trusted me, trusted every word I said, and trusted if I didn't call her.  We have an amazing relationship.  Those here that know me, can share that with you.

In short, build a strong, trusting, bonding relationship when you are together.  When you are apart, don't wory about all the bullshit, and trust him. 

 

[shaunswife]

hi,

you have to trust each other, after all it is the military and you will be apart, for course, ex, tours ect.  if you second guess our relationship, your are going to destroy it.

ang