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More and more funnies.. vol: something...

Fishbone Jones

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Not really funny with what's happening over there, :'(  but it had to go somewhere.

Maybe the mods could find a better forum for it.
 

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Cloud Cover

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Boeing makes its own craft beer now (middle one) :
 

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Rifleman62

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Justin Trudeau walks into a Royal Bank to cash a cheque.  As he approaches the cashier he says,  "Good morning, Ma'am, could you please cash this cheque for me?”

Cashier:  "It would be my pleasure sir.  Could you please show me your ID?"

Trudeau:  "Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Justin Trudeau, the leader of the Liberal Party of Canada!!!!"

Cashier:  "Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers and requirements of the CIDC legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID."

Trudeau:  "Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am."

Cashier:  "I am sorry, Mr. Trudeau, but these are the bank rules and I must follow them."

Trudeau:  "Mon Dieu.  I am urging you, please, to cash this cheque."

Cashier:  "Look Mr. Trudeau , here is an example of what we can do.  One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID.  To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup.  With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his cheque.

Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID.  He pulled out his tennis racket and made a fabulous shot whereas the tennis ball landed in my cup.  With that shot we cashed his cheque.

So, Mr. Trudeau, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you?"

Trudeau stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says, "Honestly, my mind is a total blank, I have absolutely no idea what to do, I don't have a clue."

Cashier: "Will that be large or small bills, Mr. Trudeau?"
 

medicineman

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Rifleman62 said:
Justin Trudeau walks into a Royal Bank to cash a cheque.  As he approaches the cashier he says,  "Good morning, Ma'am, could you please cash this cheque for me?”

Cashier:  "It would be my pleasure sir.  Could you please show me your ID?"

Trudeau:  "Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Justin Trudeau, the leader of the Liberal Party of Canada!!!!"

Cashier:  "Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers and requirements of the CIDC legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID."

Trudeau:  "Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am."

Cashier:  "I am sorry, Mr. Trudeau, but these are the bank rules and I must follow them."

Trudeau:  "Mon Dieu.  I am urging you, please, to cash this cheque."

Cashier:  "Look Mr. Trudeau , here is an example of what we can do.  One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID.  To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup.  With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his cheque.

Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID.  He pulled out his tennis racket and made a fabulous shot whereas the tennis ball landed in my cup.  With that shot we cashed his cheque.

So, Mr. Trudeau, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you?"

Trudeau stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says, "Honestly, my mind is a total blank, I have absolutely no idea what to do, I don't have a clue."

Cashier: "Will that be large or small bills, Mr. Trudeau?"

:rofl:
 

Fishbone Jones

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Biden Appointed Head of TSA

https://babylonbee.com/news/joe-biden-appointed-head-of-tsa?%3Futm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=benshapiro
 

mariomike

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:)
 

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Rifleman62

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History Class

The teacher said...Let's begin by reviewing some history.

Who said: 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death!'?   

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Akio, a bright foreign exchange student from Japan, who had his hand up:  "Patrick Henry, 1775," he said.

Very good! “Who said:  “Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth!'?"   

Again, no response except from Little Akio:  "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."

"Excellent!" said the teacher continuing. "Let's try one a bit more difficult.    "Who said, 'Ask not what your Country can do for you, but what you can do for your Country'?" 

Once again, Akio's was the only hand in the air and he said:    "John F. Kennedy, 1961."

The teacher snapped at her class, "Class, you should be ashamed of yourselves. Akio isn't from this country and he knows more about our history than you do."

She hears a loud whisper:..  "F--k the Japs."    "Who said that?  I want to know right now," she angrily demanded.   

Little Akio put his hand up,  "General MacArthur, 1945."

At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."    The teacher glares around and asks, "All right! Now, who said that?" 

Again, Little Akio says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, the same student yells, "Suck this!" 

Little Akio jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher.  "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"   

The teacher fainted  As the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said,  *"Damn, we're screwed."* 

Little Akio said quietly,  "Chuck Schumer when Trump got elected in 2016."
 

VinceW

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In Heaven,
The Lovers are French,the Mechanics are German,the Cooks are Italian,the Police and Military are British,and everything is organized by the Swiss.

In Hell,
The Cooks are British,the Mechanics are French,the Police and Military are German, the Lovers are Swiss,and it’s all organized by the Italians.
 

mariomike

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I've had the same Japanese RMT for years. I told her,  "Heaven is an American salary, a Canadian house, an Italian cook and a Japanese wife."

( I leave out the part about a French girlfriend. )

I believe the Japanese part to be true. Japan has always been favorite travel destination as a Gaijin.

VinceW said:
In Hell,
, the Lovers are Swiss,

Maybe you just haven't met the right one?

A toast to our wives and girlfriends. ( May they never meet. )  :)
 

RocketRichard

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VinceW said:
In Heaven,
The Lovers are French,the Mechanics are German,the Cooks are Italian,the Police and Military are British,and everything is organized by the Swiss.

In Hell,
The Cooks are British,the Mechanics are French,the Police and Military are German, the Lovers are Swiss,and it’s all organized by the Italians.
Having lived in CH do not concur about Swiss lovers bit... ;)


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

dapaterson

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Two thirds of all Finance officers in the Canadian military are bad at math.

Don't worry.  The other half make up for it.
 

mariomike

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West Wing Story | THE SIMPSONS
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErhaWVG0o1I
 

ironduke57

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You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal! :rofl:
 

Journeyman

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Former Chief of MI5, Dame Stella Remington, Open Secret  (2001):  When each country was asked to say what their top priority security concern, I said, 'Terrorism,' and the Namibian delegate said, "Cattle Rustling."

Different worlds;  different problems.  ;D
 
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