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More and more funnies.. vol: something...

CougarKing

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::) Family of wimps call 911 after being scared by attack of 22 pound cat...

PORTLAND, Ore. -- A 22-pound house cat attacked a baby inside a Portland house, forcing the family and a dog to barricade themselves inside a bedroom, CBS affiliate KOIN reported Monday.

The Barker family called 911 shortly before 8 p.m. Sunday, officials said, but said the baby did not need medical attention. The 911 operator stayed on the phone and could hear the cat, Lux, screeching in the background.

"Every time we opened our back bedroom door, the cat would hiss," owner and mom Teresa Barker told KOIN.

(...EDITED)

CBS News
 

Rifleman62

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This is such a heart warming story !!
---------------------------------------
Terrorists boarded a flight out of London . One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat.

Just before take-off, a Royal Marine sat down in the aisle seat.

After take-off the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said 'I need to get up and get a Coke.'

'Don't get up,' said the Marine 'I'm in the aisle seat, 'I'll get it for you.'

As soon as he left one of the Arabs picked up the Marine's shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned with the Coke, the other Arab said, 'That looks good. I'd really like one too.' Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it.

While he was gone the other Arab picked up the Marine's other shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.

As the plane was landing the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. He leaned over and asked his Arab neighbours, 'Why does it have to be this way?'

'How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in Cokes?'





 

CougarKing

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;D

March 18, 2014

U.S. Freezes Putin’s Netflix Account


Posted by Andy Borowitz

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In what was described as a major ramping up of sanctions, Secretary of State John Kerry announced on Tuesday that the United States had frozen Russian President Vladimir Putin’s Netflix account, effective immediately.

[...]

“The United States will not stand by and reward the annexation of another sovereign nation with a policy of streaming as usual.”

[...]

More:

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2014/03/us-freezes-putins-netflix-account.html?utm_source=tny&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=borowitz&mbid=nl_Borowitz%20(51)
 

Loachman

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Perhaps they should actually try that.

It would be the most serious sanction imposed to date, and would be no less effective than any other.
 

Journeyman

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For the habitual US-bashers in the crowd.

5328a36506558.gif


Personally, I think Washington DC is clutching at straws......but I'm not going to tell the geographically-challenged which one is DC.  ;)


Vermont is interesting though; it's not even per capita.  :(
 

cupper

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Got the solution to Ohio's problem, get Kentucky to stop smoking.

Not sure about Virginia's propensity for hate crimes against the disabled. I haven't seen any examples.

As for Colorado, they say marijuana is a gateway drug.
 

GAP

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Someone out there
must be "deadly" at Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)!



PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER



ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

THE EYES: 
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE


GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE


THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

 
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
I'M A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE


ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE


AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

 

Griffon

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Personally, I think Washington DC is clutching at straws......but I'm not going to tell the geographically-challenged which one is DC.  ;)

I don't see DC!  I see Virginia and Maryland, but no DC...are you going with the "most cursing" from Maryland or "most hate crimes against the disabled" from Virginia?  Gotta ask, Arlington and DC are pretty much the same metro area...

Edit: But I definitely agree with you on the Vermont stat. That's just scary.
 

cupper

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Griffon said:
Gotta ask, Arlington and DC are pretty much the

In fact, Arlington was once included as part of the 10 mile square partition of land taken from both Maryland and Virginia to make up the District of Columbia. The lands ceded from Virginia were returned in 1846.

The greater DC Metropolitan area extends roughly out 50 miles in all directions from DC proper.
 

DexOlesa

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Now I've learned something new. Also, Vermont isn't per capita? That is kind of staggering. Lot of reserve units there or some other factor to explain that?
 

Rifleman62

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Andy’s Message (by cellphone):

Honey, a car has hit me when I was out of the office. Paula brought me to the Hospital.

They have been making tests and taking X-rays.

The blow to my head has been very strong, fortunately it seems that it did not cause any serious injury, but I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they may have to amputate the right foot.



Rita’s Response:

Who the f**k is Paula??
 

Loachman

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On the Trail of the Loathsome Swine

https://www.libertyislandmag.com/creator/mibaron/content.html?ln=onthetrailoftheloathsomeswine
 
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