More and more funnies.. vol: something...
- Thread starter TN2IC
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Russian Military Choir - Get Lucky cover (Daft punk)
http://youtu.be/P08B_lBUL0E
http://youtu.be/P08B_lBUL0E
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"HELL EXPLAINED
BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT
The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry midterm, and an actual answer turned in by a student.
The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct..... ...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting........ 'Oh- my- God.'
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+"
BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT
The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry midterm, and an actual answer turned in by a student.
The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct..... ...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting........ 'Oh- my- God.'
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+"
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Always loved that story...... >
A simple comparison
The reason why baby diapers have brand names such as "Luvs" and "Huggies", while undergarments for old people are called "Depends".
When babies poop in their pants, people are still gonna Luv'em and Hug'em.
When old people poop in their pants, changing them "Depends" on who's in the will.
There, now, wasn't that simple?
The reason why baby diapers have brand names such as "Luvs" and "Huggies", while undergarments for old people are called "Depends".
When babies poop in their pants, people are still gonna Luv'em and Hug'em.
When old people poop in their pants, changing them "Depends" on who's in the will.
There, now, wasn't that simple?
- Reaction score
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Hey, you have your sport, I have mine. ;D
Cemetery Music.
A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he
hears music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He
finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a
headstone that reads "Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827".
Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played
backward!
Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.
By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time
it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played
backward.
Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the
expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward.
The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order
in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.
By the next day the word has spread and a crowd has gathered around the
grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward.
Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group.
Someone in the group asks him if he has an explanation for the music.
"I would have thought it was obvious" the caretaker says.
"He's decomposing."
A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he
hears music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He
finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a
headstone that reads "Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827".
Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played
backward!
Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.
By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time
it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played
backward.
Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the
expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward.
The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order
in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.
By the next day the word has spread and a crowd has gathered around the
grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward.
Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group.
Someone in the group asks him if he has an explanation for the music.
"I would have thought it was obvious" the caretaker says.
"He's decomposing."
211RadOp
Sr. Member
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Pamela Wallin called Mike Duffy into her office one day and said, "Mike, I have a plan to win back Canadian support for you, Patrick Brazeau & me"
"Great Pamela, but how?" asked Mike.
"We'll get some cheesy clothes and shoes, like those Middle Class Canadians wear, then stop at the pound and pick up a Labrador retriever. Then, we'll go to a nice old country bar in Alberta and show them how much admiration and respect we have for the hard working people living there."
So they did, and found just the place they were looking for in Coronation, Alberta. With the dog in tow, they walked inside and stepped up to the bar.
The Bartender took a step back and said, "Hey! Aren't you Mike Duffy and Pamela Wallin?"
"Yes we are!" said Pamela, "And what a lovely town you have here. We were passing through and Mike suggested we stop and take in some local color."
They ordered a round of bourbon for the whole bar, and started chatting up a storm with anyone who would listen.
A few minutes later, a grizzled old rancher came in, walked up to the Labrador, lifted up its tail, looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders and walked out. A few moments later, in came another old rancher. He walked up to the dog, lifted up its tail, looked underneath, scratched his head and left the bar.
For the next hour, another dozen ranchers came in, lifted the dog's tail, and left shaking their heads.
Finally, Pamela asked, "Why did all those old ranchers come in and look under the dog's tail? Is it some sort of custom?"
"Lord no," said the bartender. "Someone's out there running around town, claiming there's a Labrador Retriever in here with two assholes!"
"Great Pamela, but how?" asked Mike.
"We'll get some cheesy clothes and shoes, like those Middle Class Canadians wear, then stop at the pound and pick up a Labrador retriever. Then, we'll go to a nice old country bar in Alberta and show them how much admiration and respect we have for the hard working people living there."
So they did, and found just the place they were looking for in Coronation, Alberta. With the dog in tow, they walked inside and stepped up to the bar.
The Bartender took a step back and said, "Hey! Aren't you Mike Duffy and Pamela Wallin?"
"Yes we are!" said Pamela, "And what a lovely town you have here. We were passing through and Mike suggested we stop and take in some local color."
They ordered a round of bourbon for the whole bar, and started chatting up a storm with anyone who would listen.
A few minutes later, a grizzled old rancher came in, walked up to the Labrador, lifted up its tail, looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders and walked out. A few moments later, in came another old rancher. He walked up to the dog, lifted up its tail, looked underneath, scratched his head and left the bar.
For the next hour, another dozen ranchers came in, lifted the dog's tail, and left shaking their heads.
Finally, Pamela asked, "Why did all those old ranchers come in and look under the dog's tail? Is it some sort of custom?"
"Lord no," said the bartender. "Someone's out there running around town, claiming there's a Labrador Retriever in here with two assholes!"
- Reaction score
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What Country Believes Most in Evolution?
I have to suspect that Canada has been deleted from this list simply because Rob Ford has skewed so many of our beliefs. :nod:
I have to suspect that Canada has been deleted from this list simply because Rob Ford has skewed so many of our beliefs. :nod:
- Reaction score
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Male thinking
Flawless thinking...
Woman:
Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes
Woman:
How many beers a day?
Man:
Usually about 3
Woman:
How much do you pay per beer?
Man: $5.00 which includes a tip
(This is where it gets scary !)
Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?
Man:
About 20 years, I suppose
Woman:
So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 …correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past
20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting
for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man:
Do you drink beer?
Woman:
No
Man:
Where's your Ferrari?
Flawless thinking...
Woman:
Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes
Woman:
How many beers a day?
Man:
Usually about 3
Woman:
How much do you pay per beer?
Man: $5.00 which includes a tip
(This is where it gets scary !)
Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?
Man:
About 20 years, I suppose
Woman:
So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 …correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past
20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting
for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man:
Do you drink beer?
Woman:
No
Man:
Where's your Ferrari?
Retired AF Guy
Army.ca Veteran
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Or may because apart from the U.S. and Japan all the other countries are European?Journeyman said:What Country Believes Most in Evolution?
I have to suspect that Canada has been deleted from this list simply because Rob Ford has skewed so many of our beliefs. :nod:
Retired AF Guy
Army.ca Veteran
- Reaction score
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problem solving is Fun
- Reaction score
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- Reaction score
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Try not to overthink this; it's the joke thread.Retired AF Guy said:
- Reaction score
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Do you remember the famous Olympic skier Picabo Street (pronounced Pee-Ka-Boo) Well, Picabo is not just an athlete. She is now a nurse currently working at an Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital. She is not permitted to answer the hospital telephones any longer. It caused too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say, Picabo, I.C.U
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