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More and more funnies.. vol: something...

I Got A New Dog

I got a new dog to guard our house. It was a little more than I thought I should pay but I think when word gets out we'll be a relatively crime free neighborhood.

The nice part is he is a year old and already fully trained. For your safety you might want to call the house from the driveway and in the safety of your car!

 
1 in 3 Men Can't See His Penis
By Lindsay Abrams

Nov 6 2012, 12:47 PM ET8

A British health campaign aims to get men's attention about obesity by appealing to penis-centric psyches.

A privately funded campaign is has narrowed in on a tool for helping men to gauge their obesity. When standing upright, can they see their penis?

After funding their own survey of 1,000 British men, the health advocacy group found that "33 percent of men in Britain aged between 35 and 60 years are unable to see their penis" because of their bellies. They presumably controlled for poor vision.

Dubbed "The Big Check," the campaign is based on the simple idea that men may be flippant about the health risks of belly fat, but anything concerning their junk is likely to get their attention.

According to the group's staff expert, "Men care more about maintaining their cars than their own bodies, and often only see the doctor if told to by a female partner or relative." Dr. Sarah includes helpful tips on how woman can shoulder the responsibility for their guy's health, which, aside from one "sexy" suggestion ("encourage him to check his testicles regularly for lumps -- or check them yourself as part of foreplay") are mostly just variations on nagging.

Dr. Sarah's apparent lack of faith in men being able to do anything for their own health comes off far from progressive. But as long as we're throwing the kitchen sink at the obesity epidemic, I can think of worse ways of going about it.

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2012/11/1-in-3-men-cant-see-his-penis/264615/








 
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane, energy-efficient kind.

Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

Helloooo,............ just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last year... that these windows would pay for themselves in a year. Hellooooo? It's been a year, so they're paid for, I told him. There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.

 
So, I guess those spoilers have some use after all....  :nod:

spoiler-back-of-car.jpg
 
Journeyman said:
So, I guess those spoilers have some use after all....  :nod:

spoiler-back-of-car.jpg

So, what exactly was the thought process that lead up to that realization.
 
cupper said:
So, what exactly was the thought process that lead up to that realization.
  ???

Uh.....spoilers, on under-powered Japanese cars.....driven almost exclusively on speed-limit restrained urban streets.... have little-to-no aerodynamic utility.

This kid is using his as a table -- you can see that, right? -- hence some utility.
 
Journeyman said:
  ???

Uh.....spoilers, on under-powered Japanese cars.....driven almost exclusively on speed-limit restrained urban streets.... have little-to-no aerodynamic utility.

This kid is using his as a table -- you can see that, right? -- hence some utility.

No, no. I got all that. Just curious as to what was going through his mind when he realized that you could use it for a table.
 
Not all that funny, except maybe to me.

Yesterday morning while watching the news, a street reporter was commenting on charges being laid against a suspect.  One of the charges was forced confinement, but the reporter said "forced consignment".  My first thought was, "Holy crap, they were forced to sell stuff!"  :eek:

  :eek:k:
 
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10151144343386850

Dad learns a lesson about gun control, kids and stomach pain.
 
Yup, bet he'll keep a grip on his gun in the future.  Idiot.  Must be related to Tex.
 
Anyone want to learn English from Ricky Gervais?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xw2bTpyHGCE&feature=related

MM
 
In the spirit of Thanksgiving (U.S. version) the Thanksgiving Turkey episode from WKRP in Cincinnati:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/radley-balko/happy-thanksgiving_1_b_2175193.html?utm_hp_ref=the-agitator
 
'#susanalbumparty'  Susan Boyle's PR team has a brain fart. 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2236723/susanalbumparty-Susan-Boyle-promotional-teams-embarrassing-hashtag-double-entendre.html
 
Environment Canada has issued a travel warning due to the snowfall and bad road conditions.

They suggest that anyone travelling in the current icy conditions should make sure they have the following:

Shovel

Blankets or sleeping bag
Extra clothing including hat and gloves
24 hours worth of food
De-Icer
Rock Salt
Flashlight with spare batteries
Road Flares or Reflective Triangles
Empty gas Can
First Aid Kit
Booster cables

I looked like a frickin idiot on the bus this morning!
 
My Mom always told there was one idiot on the bus.  I couldn't find him!
 
My doctor told me to go out and kill some people.



Not really, he told me I need to get rid of some of the stress in my life. >:D
 
My Doctor told me I had anger issues I told him no I have stupid people issues. He said "no, my wanting to put a C6 with an SF kit on the roof over looking the parking lot and pulling the fire alarm is an anger issue." I disagreed I said "the smart ones would duck and search for cover the stupid ones would not. Thus taking care of the problem."  Apparently that just got me 12 more weeks of anger management.  :facepalm:
 
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