Jason Heller and his buddy Bill Turner gazed up at the Afghan stars over the butt of a heavy machine-gun.
The reservists swapped stories of Alberta in between mouthfuls of Froot Loops as they kept watch for Taliban.
"We talked about our plans for families and jobs when we get home," Lieut. Heller said. "Less than two weeks later, he's gone."
The deaths of comrades such as Lieut. Bill Turner and most recently Capt. Nichola Goddard -- who was killed this week in a firefight near Kandahar -- rocked Heller. But he and more than 50 other Calgary reservists continue to serve in Afghanistan undaunted.
They fought to be included in the deployment and say they're more than qualified to be there.
Heller isn't your typical reservist. The Calgarian didn't join up in his late teens to help pay for university, nor did he have family in the military. A fitness trainer who had his own company, he wanted to know if he was strong enough to join the ranks.
Heller is deployed in Kandahar province as the commander of a tactical psychological operations team.
"Since I've been here, I have had close friends kill (and) be killed . . . I have helped give aid to combat victims and watched an Afghani policeman dying of a sucking chest wound right in front of me," he said.
"I did not honestly expect the fight to get as close to me as it has."
Violence has touched many lives. So far, 16 Canadian soldiers and one diplomat have lost their lives in Afghanistan since early 2002.
Goddard is the latest casualty and the first female Canadian soldier to die in battle. She'll be honoured at a memorial service in Calgary on Friday.
Heller's closest brush with death came with the loss of Turner last month. The men had similar jobs as liaisons with local Afghans.
Twelve days before an explosion claimed his life, Turner came to say goodbye. He wouldn't leave the encampment without telling everyone how he felt about them.
"I can sleep well at night because of Bill's actions," Heller said.
The deaths of two reservists in that April explosion launched a debate in Canada about qualifications of "part-time soldiers" and whether they should be used to fill out the ranks of infantry battalions.
The criticisms are insulting to Heller and his comrades.
There are good reservists and bad ones, just as there are good and bad serving in the regular forces. The only reservists who get nominated to serve overseas are the able ones, he said.
"I would rather be fighting with troops that fought tooth-and-nail to get to Afghanistan than with someone that only came because they were ordered to."
Training teaches you maybe 10 per cent of what you need to know, adds Master Cpl. Will Emslie, a fellow Calgary Highlander. It's the foundation. The rest comes from learning from your experiences, be it how to drive down the road or what to do if ambushed.
The mere mention of ambushes, kidnappings and bombings is enough to make families anxious.
Heller says his parents are nervous wrecks who can't sleep until he's back "inside the wire."
Originally, his wife, Sheena, couldn't bear to watch the news or listen to the radio. Every story about suicide bombers or wounded solders touched off waves of fear, she told the Herald from her Calgary home.
Sheena Heller admits she gets angry sometimes about the deployment. She understands why her husband had to go. But it's as if he's been hijacked, leaving a void in her life.
Her husband is struggling with the same loss, she says. Distracting him with worries from home can be dangerous.
With three months left of his tour, Lieut. Heller is questioning whether to serve in another war.
His friend is gone, but Heller's reason to serve remains.
He's fighting to make Afghanistan safer for those who live there.
smcginnis@theherald.canwest.com
© The Calgary Herald 2006
