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Im in desperate need. Please HELP

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Lou

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Well...to tell you the story. Me and my boyfriend, hopfully fiance soon if we can be together, have been together for 8 months now and he is my LIFE. The only problem is he is in Borden and I am stuck here in Alberta. 36 hours away from the person that I love! I am trying to find places there but the rent in Ontario is just plain crazy! What I really want is to get a PMQ. From what i have herd you have to have children be common law or married in order to qualify. We dont qualify under any of those. I have absolutly no idea what to do anymore. I am running outta ideas and options. Please if any of you have any advice or suggestions on what we can do...that would be greatly appreciated! 
 

beach_bum

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You are not entitled to a PMQ, or a cost move anywhere.  Sorry to say, but as the girl friend (even fiancee) you are not entitled to anything.  If he means that much to you, and you two are meant to be, wait it out and see what happens. 
 

zipperhead_cop

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If it is that big a deal, move to Barrie and work at whatever you do at home.  It's a nice town and it's expanding pretty quickly.  I'm sure the love of your life would be happy to supplement your rent with his pay, since he will be in quarters and have no need for it. 
Love conquers all.  :-*

Zipperhead_counsellor
 

Megs

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On the topic of PMQ's, is it possible to get a PMQ even if you are not married and/or common-law? I know myself and my boyfriend aren't entitled to one, but I'm curious if it's still possible to get one.
 
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1175CMR

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As stated in previous posts, you are not-entitled to a PMQ.  Keep in mind that PMQ rent is now based on market value of the local economy.  I know that the last PMQ I lived in was actually more expensive than owning a house or renting an apartment in the city.  If you are thinking that a PMQ will save you rent money, do your homework and look at how much it is to rent in the city.  Your boyfriend should be able to do this since he is there already. 
 

xcameron

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Also keep in mind that if the PMQs there are anything like the ones here, they are old dwellings and aren't always insulated good enough and the heating costs are very very high.  Even if the rent is lower than other accomodations, the heat bills alone will raise the cost of living in one to more than say an apartment. Good luck to you guys, it takes a special person to adapt to the "Army" life. :)
 

navymich

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Megs said:
On the topic of PMQ's, is it possible to get a PMQ even if you are not married and/or common-law? I know myself and my boyfriend aren't entitled to one, but I'm curious if it's still possible to get one.

It is dependent on where you are.  Here in Victoria, they are renting some PMQs to single personnel.  You would need to ask at CFHA (Canadian Forces Housing Authority) at the base where you are interested.
 

boots

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Mine lives in Florida, so I can relate :p

Long distance is a great strain, but not unmanageable. How long have you two been going out? How old are you?

Good luck!
 

JugbandClegg

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It depends on the base apparently, as CFHA Petawawa rents to single people.  Ask the local CFHA what exactly your boyfriend is entitled to as either a single or as someone with a girlfriend.
 

Mortar guy

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This is true. I rented a PMQ apartment in Pet and I was single at the time. It was a huge three bedroom jobbie too.

Hombre del mortios
 
T

TMM

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Before moving halfway across the country you need to ask yourself if it makes any sense whatsoever. He's in Borden *now* but the military could transfer him somewhere the day after you move out here or worse, before you even get here. If you can't survive a short separation what will you do on tours?

Instead of him being your life you need to find one you can live without him. You'll be happier and he'll be able to do his job better knwoing that you are getting along on your own.
 

Lou

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Hey....thanks for everyones reply. Means alot. Although i don't like some of the answers i think i can make do with them. Cute boots: kinda sucks doing the long distance thing. We have been together for a year now. What about you and your "beau"??
 

paracowboy

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Lou said:
Well...to tell you the story. Me and my boyfriend, hopfully fiance soon if we can be together, have been together for 8 months now and he is my LIFE. The only problem is he is in Borden and I am stuck here in Alberta. 36 hours away from the person that I love! I am trying to find places there but the rent in Ontario is just plain crazy! What I really want is to get a PMQ. From what i have herd you have to have children be common law or married in order to qualify. We dont qualify under any of those. I have absolutly no idea what to do anymore. I am running outta ideas and options. Please if any of you have any advice or suggestions on what we can do...that would be greatly appreciated! 
Lou,
first, you are not in desperate need. A woman who is in danger of losing her home and being put on the streets because her husband's paycheque isn't making it into the account, is in desperate need. And we would all rally to her aid. Perspective.

Second, if you cannot last a few months when you know he is in the same country and safe, how are you going to react when he is in a dangerous situation across an ocean for months on end? If you truly intend to spend the rest of your life married to the army, it's time to grow up. And posts like this do not indicate that you intend to do so.
 

Gunner

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paracowboy said:
Lou,
first, you are not in desperate need. A woman who is in danger of losing her home and being put on the streets because her husband's paycheque isn't making it into the account, is in desperate need. And we would all rally to her aid. Perspective.

Second, if you cannot last a few months when you know he is in the same country and safe, how are you going to react when he is in a dangerous situation across an ocean for months on end? If you truly intend to spend the rest of your life married to the army, it's time to grow up. And posts like this do not indicate that you intend to do so.

:salute: +1
 

Franko

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He can rent a 'Q as a single guy. It's done all the time.

Get him to check with CFHA and see what the requirements are. Then he has to start writing memos and such.

His chain of command can help him out a bit. But as it was alluded to earlier....they aren't any cheaper than out on civvy street.

You may want to go with a regular apartment.

Regards
 

Shadow Cat

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First off I would like to tell you that I was in your shoes last year.  Our situation was a little different however, married with two kids.  We were seperated for 8 months and we had to fight to be together..why did we fight because we would still be seperated right now if we hadnt.   I quit my job and planned to move ourselves so that we could be together as a family again, military came through with a paid move at the last minute. 

I got alot of slack from some of the members on here about my decision to be together but to this day I still stand behind my decision and wouldnt change it for one second.  If I hadnt moved than we would have been seperated for 15 months, togetter for two or three months and than we were facing a possible deployment for god only knows how long. That is if we went to Pet he would have been deployed but we are on our way to Edmonton (we were one of the only 2 that didnt go to Pet out of the whole course.)  If out of 2 - 3 years I could get 9 months with my honey rather than two months that meant the world to me and to our families well being. 

I dont think wanting to be with someone really indicates a need to grow up or really indicates a weakness.  There is this whole thing about training and the not knowing when it will be done and when you will be together again and if there will be a deployment right afterwards.  It brings around fustration, lonliness, desperation and other emotions that I think some of the members on here dont understand or dont remember.  Sometimes a nice but a factual answer is all that is needed without being malicious and rude. 

As for the Q availability I think that some of the others have answered the questions best for you.  Check with CFHA but I would continue to look for something outside of the base area as I dont know if Borden has any vacancies right now and if they would allow what you want to do. 

I understand your feelings and like to call it "seize the day as you dont know what tomorrow will bring".

BTW if you would like a more friendlier atmosphere with a softer approach to some of your questions, there are a few military spousal support sites out there.  Myself I am co-founder of The Military Wife which can be found at   http://themilitarywife.vze.com/  We would love to have you.
 

calgarytanks

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Lou said:
Well...to tell you the story. Me and my boyfriend, hopfully fiance soon if we can be together,
\
if you love him, marry him. In sickness and in health, in good times and bad....right?
 

FastEddy

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Lou said:
Hey....thanks for everyones reply. Means alot. Although i don't like some of the answers i think i can make do with them. Cute boots: kinda sucks doing the long distance thing. We have been together for a year now. What about you and your "beau"??


This will probably not be to your liking either.

The sooner you realize you have chosen a Military person to attach your Star or Affections to, the better.

A person who at any moment can be maimed or killed or sent any where in the world at a moments notice.

Married and family Personnel accept the hardships and at times the frustration of long separations that occur being the spouse of a Military Person.

Your Boyfriend is a SOLDIER and by choice. As a SOLDIER he requires his wits, presence and attention about him at all times. Although you have not mentioned the fact, I get the distinct feeling you have a running dialogue with him on your concerns in this matter. If this is the case, you can be assured there could be problems down the road for both of you.

The last thing a Soldier should worry about or hear, is his Sweetheart can't handle the separation or that it might effect their relationship.

Just remember that all of the Love Ones of our Military Personnel who are at this moment and in harms way deployed all over the World, would also love to be close to them.
 

NavComm

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Lou said:
Well...to tell you the story. Me and my boyfriend, hopfully fiance soon if we can be together, have been together for 8 months now and he is my LIFE. The only problem is he is in Borden and I am stuck here in Alberta. 36 hours away from the person that I love! I am trying to find places there but the rent in Ontario is just plain crazy! What I really want is to get a PMQ. From what i have herd you have to have children be common law or married in order to qualify. We dont qualify under any of those. I have absolutly no idea what to do anymore. I am running outta ideas and options. Please if any of you have any advice or suggestions on what we can do...that would be greatly appreciated! 

Wow you really are in a desperate situation. However, I'm pretty sure you can get from Calgary to Toronto and then Borden in less than 36 hours, check with AirCanada or WestJet or some other airline.

Shadow Cat said:
BTW if you would like a more friendlier atmosphere with a softer approach to some of your questions, there are a few military spousal support sites out there.  Myself I am co-founder of The Military Wife which can be found at   http://themilitarywife.vze.com/  We would love to have you.
This is probably the best advice for you. You might not find much sympathy for your situation here. Most of the people here are military and they have dealt with much more desperate situations than yours. I know to you it seems like your LIFE is about to end, like maybe you should slash your wrists or something, but to me it just sounds like you need to get a flippin grip!  ::)

My sympathy is with your poor boyfriend who probably hasn't figured out yet what a clingy, insecure, immature, stalker-in-the-making you are.
 

Loachman

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Personally, I think that there's a little overly-harsh judgment of Lou, who's probably just overstated her feelings a little due to youthful exuberance.

My unit is in Borden, but I cannot comment on the PMQ availibility. They are not the greatest, but probably no worse than average. No basements, though. A lot have been torn down over the last couple of years - the entire south patch is gone completely.

The town outside of the north gate, Angus (known as the Town with Too Many "G"s) has some unpretty older areas, but some newer construction and is probably not as bad as some people say. I'd guess that there is not a lot of employment opportunity in Angus, but Barrie is expanding quite quickly and there should be tons of employment opportunity.

Is he only on course, or actually posted to a unit in Borden? If you said, I missed it. If he's on course I'd advise waiting. It may not be pleasant for either of you, but he needs to concentrate on that - plus it would not be a wise idea from a financial point of view at this point.

A lot of us have been through this. It's livable.
 
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