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For the ladies: Happy Period! WARNING- Not for squeemish men!

CdnArtyWife

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In keeping with Vern's posts re: womenly issues and our struggles with them. I thought this would be appreciated.

Enjoy ladies!

CAW

Have a Happy Period
This is (supposedly) an actual letter sent to Proctor and Gamble regarding
their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first
paragraph...

   Dear Mr. Thatcher,
   
   I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and
   I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core or
   Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa
   dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach
   in tight, white shorts.
   
   But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos
   on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that
   maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each
   month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
   
   Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from
  'the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my 'time of the month' is
  starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently
  surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and
  I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly
  with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
   
   As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen
   quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers'
   monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the
   bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood
   swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's
   a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer
   fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George
   Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was
   written by drunken chimps.
   Crazy!
   
   The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just
   crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the
   reason for my letter.
   
   Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach
   inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and
   there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy
   Period.'
   
   Are you  kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny
   middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing
   happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned
   above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?
   
   FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be
   anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on
   Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march
   down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan
   to end your life in a blaze of glory.
   
   For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a
   moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say
   something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular
   Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
   
   Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
   immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to
   take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your
   Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending
   bullpoop. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.
   
   Best,
   Wendi Aarons
   Austin, TX
   
   PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best web mail-award-winning letter
 

GAP

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You think maybe the Shipping and Receiving Department have a new member?
 

armyvern

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D Squared said:
Nice choice of words GAP  ;)

:rofl:

Crap!! Even I missed that one -- something's wrong with me!!

Now, if we could only get rid of the source of all our problems, the world would rock indeed!!

Menstruation
Menstrual cramps
Mental illness
Meningitis
Mental breakdown
Meniere's disease

Manic depression
Management
Manipulation
Manual labour

The two BIGGIES:

Guynecologist
Histerectomy

I'm a firm believer in Women's Rule #4:

If we put a man on the moon - we should be able to put them all up there.  ;)

 

emmiee

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Way to go Vern  ;)  you couldn't have said better.

Great post CdnArtyWife

em
 

Shamrock

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ArmyVern said:
:rofl:

Crap!! Even I missed that one -- something's wrong with me!!

Now, if we could only get rid of the source of all our problems, the world would rock indeed!!

You want to argue morphemes, here's one:

WOe
 

armyvern

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Shamrock said:
You want to argue morphemes, here's one:

WOe

Yeah, but you're not allowed to pull rank on this site ... and watch out ... I'm ALWAYS in the house!!  ;)
 

Shamrock

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ArmyVern said:
Yeah, but you're not allowed to pull rank on this site ... and watch out ... I'm ALWAYS in the house!!  ;)

I tried that with my wife once.  Guess what else I ended up pulling?
 

armyvern

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Kat Stevens said:
HERpes...

LOL!! Stop it boys. No highjacking our thread!! Or I'm going to use my special modly and womanly powers of magic to stamp on you!!  >:D
 

PMedMoe

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cid_027f01c80ad32825c40052eaa68ew5k.jpg
 

armyvern

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GAP,

I do laundry ... but I don't do toilets or vacuuming.

Have fun with that!!  ;)

 

medaid

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I am forever scarred from this expeience... So cold... So cold...
 

emmiee

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I also think there should be a disclaimer in the title of this thread. "Enter at Own Risk"


em
 
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