'Did we push her too much?' Article on Major Michelle Mendes

[vonGarvin]

If there are lessons to be learned from this, then so be it.  "Maybe" there were signs, "maybe" there weren't.  Remembering that hindsight is 20/20, all we can do is hopefully avoid a similar tragedy in the future.  Having said that, we must all remember that for all CF members, there indeed are outside influences that affect all of us.  Perhaps the "key" factor (if such a thing exists), was a personal matter was the proverbial straw that broke Maj Mendes' back, as it were. 

 

[chris_log]

Note the words may and appears in my statement.  That is why it's called an opinion and not fact.  I have no wish to disparage Maj Mendes, unlike the article that wants to disparage the CF system. 

That's not how it came off. I've got opinions on lot of things, but there's also a proper time and place for them, and its not after they've died while serving their country and before an investigation has been completed.

Edit to add:  How can you be so certain I never met Maj Mendes?

I doubt it. Did you? Did you work with her for any period of time, attend meetings/briefings with her? Again, I doubt it based on your comments that she went on tour only for career advancement (which was exactly what was stated in the article, which is BS...considering the family's letter).

I don't think any of us should even attempt to analyse her death on an open public forum.

x2.

 

[PMedMoe]

I doubt it based on your comments that she went on tour only for career advancement (which was exactly what was stated in the article, which is BS...considering the family's letter).

Hence the reason I said may.

I doubt it. Did you?

Glad you think you know me so well.

At any rate, most comments here are correct.  We (on this forum) do not need to discuss her death and the reasons for it.  That's for the investigation and the CF mental health care section to do.  I will delete my first comment (and opinion.)

 

[mariomike]

I respect and learn from your comments and opinions, Moe.

 

[leroi]

I thought Canadians would never hear anything again about the death of Major Mendes.

Simply because that is often the way in the world of Intel. Isn't it?  Doesn't national security take precedence

over the public's right to know?

I'm thinking about WWII and Camp X and the many people in history who died unsung heroes as secret operatives.

But when I read this G&M article this morning I was struck by the sensitivity of the writers to the issue.

The piece seemed well-crafted by a restrained, respectful hand. I thought they tried hard to embue

the piece with the mark of an exceptional human being and a life well-lived.

IMO ... just saying ... newspapers usually try to stir up controversy; whereas, this piece struck me as thoughtful--

a celebration of the Major's life with the suggestion that Icarus-like the Major aimed so high in standards of service to her country, that she singed her wings. Tragic.


Rest in Peace, Major Mendes.

 

[Another Mom]

There is a concept called "Imposter Syndrome" which is very  common  among gifted women. They feel  their success  has been due to luck, timing, personality, etc. and they  have a hard time believing they are  as capable as they are.  Rather than offering assurance, each new achievement and subsequent challenge and success only serves to intensify the ever-present fear of being found out. This is very common among women academics who tend to be perfectionists and very hard workers.  (It is common among certain types of men, too.)  I am not proposing this was the case for Major Mendes, but perhaps  psychologists in the Forces need to talk to those who are "stars" (as well as those whose are struggling) to see how they are "processing" their success.  RIP  Major Mendes and may your family someday find peace.

 

[observor 69]

I thought Canadians would never hear anything again about the death of Major Mendes.

Simply because that is often the way in the world of Intel. Isn't it?  Doesn't national security take precedence

over the public's right to know?

I'm thinking about WWII and Camp X and the many people in history who died unsung heroes as secret operatives.

But when I read this G&M article this morning I was struck by the sensitivity of the writers to the issue.

The piece seemed well-crafted by a restrained, respectful hand. I thought they tried hard to embue

the piece with the mark of an exceptional human being and a life well-lived.

IMO ... just saying ... newspapers usually try to stir up controversy; whereas, this piece struck me as thoughtful--

a celebration of the Major's life with the suggestion that Icarus-like the Major aimed so high in standards of service to her country, that she singed her wings. Tragic.


Rest in Peace, Major Mendes.

I agree that the approach of the article was to treat the story with respect and journalistic professionalism.
I am sure that Christie Blatchford was chosen to co-write this story based on her personal experience and knowledge with the Canadian Forces.
Jessica Leeder has spent a tour as a G&M corespondent in KAF.

 

[armyvern]

I read this article on Major Mendes and come to one conclusion only. That to attempt to determine a cause for anyone's taking their own life is always idle speculation. The abundance of "what ifs" or "did we" or "did she" simply makes any determination of cause unfair and unjust.

I do know this: Major Mendes was a Canadian soldier who obviously enjoyed her life and her job. At the end of the day, she could justify her actions in her own mind and to herself. May she rest in peace.

_________________________

Now, if we want to idly speculate about pushing people too far and too fast - I'll offer this up:

Note: this has zero to do with Maj Mendes being female, an Officer, "too driven" or promoted "too fast/too soon" but rather is my observations of "ides as to cause" raised in the article:

The CF has an abundance of "very driven" people - some of these people regardless of station are being promoted well-ahead of and at a rate much faster than seen in historical and traditional timelines. This symptom of "too far, too fast" is COMMON in the CF these days - it, in and of itself, is NOT an unusual circumstance. There is a distinct and attributable cause for that fact ... the fact that recruiting into the CF floundered for almost a decade before the Government of Canada decided that you have to have, maintain and train "actual people" if you want to claim to have a standing forces capable of defending one's nation. Major Mendes, despite her progression in rank and the rate of such, was certainly not alone in that respect ... therefore this 'fact' means squat.

If anyone wishes to unequivecably infer that it did, or if they want to carry any guilt upon their own shoulders due to this 'pushing" ... I move that their guilt is misplaced. 

In an era where a 'push' to make leaders early and quickly (witness the exact same thing happening at the Jr Leader level within the NCMs --- MCpls, Sgts etc), no one single person is a "cause", nor is any "one single action." Not when the exact same thing is happening to hundreds of CF members. To view the good Major as being in a "unique situation" in this respect is just not factual.

"We" are promoting leaders early and quickly. We have no choice but to do that given the huge void in our "years of experience" bracket between 15 -20 years. This is not "our" fault and "we" did nothing to cause or encourage that lagging gap, but "we" are the ones who must now deal with it. I know of no better way to do that than to promote the best person "we" see for that job. That just makes common sense.

I'll also move that Major Mendes' position within KiF-C, although prestigious, was also not unusual. Just as she was a new Major thrust into the spotlight, we have brand new rapidly promoted MCpls being thrust into the spotlight. Their spotlight may not be as large, but the weight of their sections and success is also carried upon their shoulders. Many of them are also working in the international context. The only degree here is to the Nth.

We have a Major who did what her country asked of her. She gave Canada all that she was capable of giving. In the end, if lessons can be learned within the health-care world from her circumstances, then she will be giving even more to those who come behind her; that is always a good thing.

Rest well and in peace Major Mendes.

 

[leroi]

That was a beautiful, intelligent, heartfelt post, Vern.
I teared up a bit when I read  it.

 

[muskrat89]

Thanks Vern. Well said.

If a shoemaker or hot dog vendor takes their own life, is it because they were "pushed too hard"? I don't know much about suicide, but I know that the road to that ending is a complicated one. Professionals with years of extensive training and in possession of far more information than us will never be able to declare "Aha - this is what happened!".

I can be certain that we, with little or no training and in possession of only bits and pieces of incomplete information - are not going to solve this on an internet message board.

Wishing peace and pride for the Major's family, friends and loved ones. Her service is appreciated.

 

[Babbling Brooks]

BruceR at Flit had some interesting commentary on this issue:

http://www.snappingturtle.net/flit/archives/2009_06_22.html#006453

And I've weighed in myself at The Torch:

http://toyoufromfailinghands.blogspot.com/2009/06/straw-and-camels-back.html

I didn't know Maj Mendes.  But as someone who left the military because of depression, I know what it's like to be in an emotional tailspin and be holding it together by the skin on your teeth because you can't imagine doing anything else with your life.  I can't speak to what motivated her, but I can say that when you have what it takes intellectually and physically to meet the demands of the job, and you love the feeling of achievement and camaraderie you get from working and playing with the most gripped, crazy, intense, loveable group of high-achievers you've ever had the good fortune to be associated with, it is intoxicating and addictive.  You don't want to admit that maybe you're not fit emotionally, or maybe you haven't got the coping tools down pat that you need.  What you do know (correctly or not) is that if you fall apart, you'll not only be letting yourself and those who believe in you down, you'll lose your opportunity to do what you love with some of the best people in the world.

Letting go of that ain't easy.  For all too many, the alternative is to end it all, since you can't stand the thought of continuing on after getting hooked on the highs of that intense lifestyle.

None of us should sit in judgment of Maj Mendes.  But we do need to talk about depression in the CF, because it just gets worse with silence and ignorance.

This is especially true if you're leading anyone.  In my experience, there are a lot of leaders out there who assume that if you have the tools in one area or another, that you should have the whole package.  I don't know the details in the case of Maj Mendes, but I wonder if her CoC engaged in a bit of wishful thinking about her emotional readiness because she was so VERY gripped on an intellectual and organizational level.  I'm not interested in blaming anyone, I just wonder what we can learn from this.

Anyhow, enough from me.  But please, we lose too many good people this way because we don't understand the problem.  Keep talking about it.