Definition of "expert"

[The Bread Guy]

Had to laugh at this one, from a Twitter feed by folks who parody journalistic style guides:

expert - 1. A person knowledgeable and well-known in a relevant field. 2. The first person you could get to call you back.

 

[Journeyman]

2. The first person you could get to call you back.

I don't understand what you mean  ???

 

[Kat Stevens]

Expert (noun)-  A person so knowledgeable of facts that he can tell you the exact amount of dynamite to shove up a bull's ass to blow the horns off without killing it.  He cannot, however, identify which end of the bull the ass can be found at.

 

[Old Sweat]

It used to be that real expertise was based on knowing a lot about a limited subject, so that the ultimate expert knew everything about nothing.

This has been replaced by the internet expert who knows nothing about everything, and is delighted to sieze an opportunity to demonstrate his or her grip on the subject matter.

 

[combatbuddha]

Expert: X is the unknown quantity and a spirt is a drip under pressure.

 

[PMedMoe]

 

[Haggis]

Expert:  any officer from NDHQ who is more than 100 km away from his office and carrying a briefcase.

 

[dapaterson]

Expert:  any officer from NDHQ who is more than 100 km away from his office and carrying a briefcase.

... and a Timmies...

Mustn't forget the Timmies...

 

[Pusser]

In the Canadian Forces, instant experts are created by the simple drafting of a posting message! ;D

 

[Haggis]

... and a Timmies...

Mustn't forget the Timmies...

A true expert has mastered having someone else provide the Timmies in gratitude for imparting their wisdom on others.  "I'm from NDHQ and I'm here to help" is a phrase oft uttered by these creatures.

 

[Bruce Monkhouse]

I don't understand what you mean  ???

POST OF THE DECADE!!!! :rofl:

 

[Shec]

"expert". a.k.a "consultant" :  someone who tells you what you already know, usually for a fee.

 

[armyvern]

Expert = Someone who can spell "Experk" properly. Experk(s) are my boobies these days.

 

[Kat Stevens]

Expert- Someone who can calculate the square root of a jar of pickles to the last decimal place, but can't figure out how to get the pickles out.