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Bad Language and the CF

mover1

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Some times the corporate culture and language really gives me a good laugh.
Take the example below

http://armyonline.kingston.mil.ca/LFDTS/143000440001420/Default.asp

Armoured School Mission
To support Army and Armour Corps readiness and modernization through the conduct of individual training, the presentation of individual training standards, and maintenance of assigned Center of Excellence responsibilities.


WTF

What ever happened to bold simple statements like,

"To Train Canada's Army in Armoured Combat."

Anyone else with a similar pet peeve?
Anyone have any good examples?
 
Unfortunately, statements like "to train canada's army in armoured combat" is simple, it is rather ambiguous.  Unfortunately, in today's age, we have to be "precise" lest foolish people think that they can sue for 'misinformation'.  Sure, nobody will sue the armoured corps for something like that, but that type of culture exists.
Perhaps a precise, but "meaner" vision of the armoured school mission could be:
"To enable Armour Corps' combat capabilities through the conduct of individual training and to support the Army through the maintenance of assigned Centre of Excellence reponsibilities"

Still geekish, but perhaps more concise?  And accurate, since the Armoured School doesn't really give courses that are army-wide (less one course: AGIC). 
 
Shoe Laces

  To intertwine and make fast with trough the use of eyelets and leather in a fashion deemed appropriate and set before in a manner that is conforming with current policy and doctrines. So that manual transportation devices are integrated with biological appendages and operate as one.

Or

Shoe Laces
Keeps my boots on my feet.
 
mover1 said:
Shoe Laces

  To intertwine and make fast with trough the use of eylets and leather in a fashon deemed appropriate and set before in a manner that is conforming with current policy and doctrines. So that manual transportation devices are integrated with biological appendages and operate as one.

Or

Shoe Laces
Keeps my boots on my feet.
:rofl:

Actually the funniest thing I saw was Christopher Walken on Saturday Night Live explaing how to do up your seatbelt. 

Any more?  :D
 
Roy Harding said:
Whatever happened to "Close with and kill the enemy"??

Too specific, now it would have to read "Close with and kill the enemy; notwithstanding the specificity of the foregoing, the latter is to be performed as the main effort, the former wil be performed only if necesary to ensure proper and full execution of the latter."
 
In an economical and efficient manner, we strive to achieve our aim, which is to ensure that the competition remains an uvaiable competitor in today's global culture by using sound business approaches, market research, and cutting edge technology.

Or


One Shot one Kill
 
:mad:
The MND and DM delegate authorities to positions by means of the Delegation Matrix which is part of the Delegation of Authorities for Financial Administration for DND and the CF. Delegation of Authorities Forms are used to authorize an individual to exercise the authorities delegated to their position. The individual cannot re-delegate these authorities because the authorities have been delegated to their position by the MND and DM. The Delegation of Authorities Form serves as a means to document the financial signing authorities the individual will be allowed to exercise and allows the individual's superior to restrict authority, if necessary, for purposes of local control.

This was from the FInancial Administration act. Is it just me or does this one go in circles.
 
mover1 said:
The MND and DM delegate authorities to positions by means of the Delegation Matrix which is part of the Delegation of Authorities for Financial Administration for DND and the CF. Delegation of Authorities Forms are used to authorize an individual to exercise the authorities delegated to their position. The individual cannot re-delegate these authorities because the authorities have been delegated to their position by the MND and DM. The Delegation of Authorities Form serves as a means to document the financial signing authorities the individual will be allowed to exercise and allows the individual's superior to restrict authority, if necessary, for purposes of local control.

This was from the FInancial Administration act. Is it just me or does this one go in circles.

Perhaps someone should send that department a Thesaurus.

Mover1, I deligate you to this task.  ;D
 
CdnArtyWife said:
Perhaps someone should send that department a Thesaurus.

Mover1, I deligate you to this task.  ;D

Unless you're doing surgery on him, you MAY want to delegate it.
 
Attack of the Weasel Words
In a witty polemic, best-selling Australian author Don Watson says it’s time to protest the mind-numbing business jargon that infests our schools, churches and political speech.

By Susanna Schrobsdorff
Newsweek
Updated: 7:39 a.m. ET July 13, 2005

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8514826/site/newsweek/page/0/

July 8 - Does the idea of a water-cooler company saying that it sells “workplace refreshment solutions” seem ridiculous? Does it infuriate you that everyone, from the local pastor to your kid’s school principal, seems to have a “mission statement” touting their “core values.” If so, you’re not alone, says Australian author Don Watson. His book “Death Sentences: How Clichés, Weasel Words and Management-Speak are Strangling Public Language,” became a surprise bestseller in Australia last year and prompted a flood of mail from other frustrated language lovers
Watson, once a speechwriter for former Australian prime minister Paul Keating, elicits howls of laughter from audiences simply by reading obtuse corporate-speak from company manuals and school brochures. He laments the fact that librarians are now referred to as: “information needs identifiers,” and that his 12-year-old granddaughter’s report card said that she had “developed a variety of products” in history class. He cites a John Deere tractor safety notice that warns customers to lock the brake or “unexpected non-powered tractor movement may occur.”

The essayist and historian says it’s time we stop pretending we understand this babble and declare that the emperor has no clothes—or decent verbs. He insists however, that his book, published in the United States in May, is not a curmudgeonly cry for old-fashioned English. Rather, Watson argues that when politicians and public institutions adopt slick corporate marketing language, they are converting us from citizens into customers. NEWSWEEK’s Susanna Schrobsdorff spoke with Watson about his crusade against weasel words and about what it was like to bring his book to the United States—a country that might be considered the epicenter of business jargon.

 
Long story short - you get this when you let MBA's take over the military and turn it into a corporation.  I remember having to sit through stuff like this - business planning takes precedence.  "Our unit needs a mission statement" - well, the role of the CFMS/HS or whatever we call it this week is simple - "To conserve manpower and in so doing, promote the morale of the fighting force".  How hard is it to say our mission statement is "See above in the context of CFB Gumbyland"?

MM

 
Medicineman - you have no idea how bad it was, watching the discussion on these things here at the glorious HQ. I so badly wanted to play Office BS Bingo - the game where you jump up and shout "That's BS and you know it" when you get a row of buzz words.

At one point, we were given all sorts of liitle books to read - like "Who Moved My Cheese" - and we had to identify what sort of character each of us was, and how each of us could change ourselves to better the corporation. We had to call the other ECs 'stakeholders' or 'clients', and identify our 'core lines of business'. These are the folks who spent days at NAVCAN to develop statements like "Our patients want to see us because they know we care." Our patients are sick and/or injured - they want to get better.....and they come to us because for the most part, there aren't any other options.

It was absolute lunacy!

Sadly, what pissed me off the most, was watching real Officers, the kind who had loads of deployments and field experience, and were respected by their troops, get pushed out of the CF, or totally marginalized, if they didn't offer 100% submission to the MBAs........
 
I verbally abused a 2Lt at RMC a few years back when he was whining about being told he could do an MBA or reclassify, since there was a backlog for his training.  I snapped, since I had just been told that the military didn't see a need to assist me in going to university in Buffalo to be a PA - something directly related to what I actually do for a living - but were paying for this whiney twerp, in fact ordering this whiney twerp, to take a second degree that had NOTHING to do with what he was going to be trained in.  Forget that I told him off about him getting a (at that time) $100,000 degree for free, and getting paid for it.    :brickwall:

BP is now a tad lower.

MM

 
Michael O'Leary said:
Too specific, now it would have to read "Close with and kill the enemy; notwithstanding the specificity of the foregoing, the latter is to be performed as the main effort, the former wil be performed only if necesary to ensure proper and full execution of the latter."

When I go back to the Infantry School, I'm gonna use that!
 
medicineman said:
- business planning takes precedence.  "Our unit needs a mission statement" -
Where you in the room at the time?  :eek:

At one point in my military life (for my sins), I ended up as "the RegF guy in a Res unit" in Toronto. Comd LFCA was big on Business Plans.
One of his Staff Pomeranians started yipping, (at what I guess what they thought was an "O Gp"), "your unit needs a Mission Statement."

I responded with, "Don't you read any of that paperwork you demand? My unit needs ammunition!"

My career did not flourish.  ;D
 
Journeyman said:
Where you in the room at the time?  :eek:

The particular room of yours or the one where our OGroups were given?  I was a fly in a previous life, so might have been in your room  ;D.

MM

 
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